INFJs and INTJs: best friends? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

INFJs and INTJs: best friends?

My closest friend is an INTJ. We get along well in the sense that we have very meaningful conversations and share many interests.

He gets something from the friendship in the sense that I am pretty meek and flexible and easily agree with his strong opinions. So I guess I am a good audience for him.

I get something from the friendship in the sense that he is possibly the person who understands me the best. Even though he doesn't share my "Feeling" side at all, he understands it well.

However, I do feel somewhat "asphyxiated" when I spend time exclusively in his company for long periods of time, since he is such an un-emotional person. Especially when he gets stressed out, in a bad mood, he becomes very negative and he criticizes everything (and contradicts every single statement that comes out of my mouth), it gets quite unpleasant for me. In those times, I prefer the company of people whom I can have a friendlier rapport with, even if they don't understand me as well as he does.
 
I'm actually married to an INTJ, going on 10 years. In our early, dating days we bonded over people watching, and could spend an entire meal analyzing the group next to us, or trying to figure out what somebody did for a living by what they were wearing. We were also very romantic partners in crime, occasionally skipping out on the check, spending long druggy vacations in Amsterdam, etc.

We have also been very successful financially. We lived in a very downscale apartment while we paid off debts, we have supported each other when we needed to quit jobs that we hated (and worked freelance to get to positions we loved). We renovated a house and made a killing on it when the market was up; in many ways that success is still padding our comfortable middle class existence with two kids today. I guess we live dangerously, but responsibly.

This whole post 9/11-George Bush-Rush Limbaugh world has been very hard on my husband particularly, as he just. cannot. let it. go. We are both liberals, but he gets himself into the kind of lather that he can't get out of, and can turn on me for not caring as much as he does. And then it's my place to either be strong, and show him what kind of spine I have, or make him laugh by telling him that's no way to get me in bed.
 
Radiant1 said:
Which, if you think about it, really can be a workable yin-yang type of principle.
Click to expand...


I stumbled on to this forum in a very interesting way that I wont go in to now but it is so very tied to this comment of yin and yang.

I am involved in a very powerful online relationship with what I learned today is an INTJ. The relationship is so amazing in fact, we are already making plans to move her here in December to pursue her masters degree and be with me.

I think the yin-yang comment here is an incredibly astute one and it is something that as an INFJ - a mature one at 43 who has been through a tremendous amount of specifically dedicated emotional, spiritual, psychological intellectual growth (she is 28) - I am seeing, FEELING in absolutely amazing ways.


By "feeling" and "seeing," I mean that I am amazed at the subtle nuances of vibrational energies that I pick up and how she points me in directions WITHOUT ANY INTENTIONS TO, that I need to be attending to or being aware of. They are energies that are easily recognizable as "opposite" of mine but so incredibly timely and so amazingly beautiful in their unfolding. It is hard to put in to words but it is something that I have never experienced with a woman.

It is astounding.

And quite literally, this absolutely would have been impossible even five years ago. I was not ready for it on a few important levels.

What I am seeing is that there is an immensely powerful yin-yang force between us that is interchangeable on multiple levels. But being an INFJ, I uncover her as a beautifully grounding force that in a shockingly natural way (because my metaphysical eyes and ears are so far wide open now) draws me to recognize things and evaluate things in new ways that are...

RIGHT. (lol)

...arent we supposedly BOTH right all the time?

Anyway...

Seems like a formidable combination if both individuals are truly open. Im seeing it already.

The other very important aspect of this is how there is a range of each trait within each individual, and I think this is a crucially important consideration of this personality compatibility analysis.

My F. eeling was only at 6%, whereas my intuitive side was the highest at 88%. And I know her well enough to know that her sensitive side is plenty strong enough for me and our desire for emotion vs intellectual is fantastically compatible. I also think it helps that I am a male, manifesting a feeling side (which of course is generally going to be a bit diminished when compared to a woman of the same bent), combining with a female (who is naturally more emotional and feeling), a woman who is more rational and intellectual.

We continually meet so amazingly in the middle.

In any event, I think the fact that the INFJ-INTJ personality is neither listed as a probable compatibility or a non-probable one, makes this kind of relationship, one that is going to be wholly determined by the individual nuances of expression of each trait, as well as the individuals themselves and their prospective maturity levels.

I am very interested in the perspectives of others on this. I am a total newb and eager to learn.
 
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I think my close friend is an INTJ... I have this strong feeling she is :) :)

well yeah we get along well
and she's the only person that understands me like... the real me... and we just get along well.. we are different yet we're like the same in so many ways... she thinks deeply and she has a lot of theories and beliefs which sometimes, I don't believe but I don't contradict .. I respect her views and she respects mine

she's really artistic too... she is really good in painting and she's good with instruments


well... there are times when I don't really feel that bond with her (it's like we're just ordinary friends) when we don't talk deeply... but almost every after school, when we talk together there's just something.... :) then sometimes we just cry together :) :)

and yeah SHE CAN BE INSENSITIVE.. the other day she hugs me then the next day I hug her and she says please don't do that

ughhhh and whatever .. well she's insensitive to the people she doesn't like... <---she actually thinks she's not... but.. o well :) :) :)
 
There are two people whom I consider close, genuine friends. One of them is an ESFJ (same type as my mother, may or may not be note-worthy). The other, strangely enough, is an INTJ.

I have only known my INTJ friend for about a year and a half (as opposed to my other best friend, whom I've known for twelve years), but we are extremely close because we relate to each other so well. Except on the T/F difference. She is such a logical person that she sometimes doesn't realize (or care, I guess) when she is stepping on toes and hurting people's feelings. And, of course, I have to be just the opposite and be completely oversensitive to others' feelings and my own. Sometimes there is tension when she has a certain opinion that I disagree with or think is too harsh. She'll listen to me make my point, but I get the feeling that she is really just tuning me out. She won't budge.
 
My sister and one of my closest friends are both INTJs. I guess them testing like this explained a lot, at least to me. Until more mature there was a lot of bickering between my sister and me, and now I can say that we are genuinely are becoming best friends.

Their harshness really is their way of expressing affection, and although sometimes hard to swallow that way of communication is something I greatly appreciate about them. I learned a lot about myself seen through their eyes and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
 
Read ur responses. Sounds about right. Sounds like what I've been shooting for. You know, it's why I'm here on the forum in the first place. I thot there would be a special INFJ+INTJ bond.
 
I find it hard to become close to INTJ's, although I do not dislike them. I know a handful, and with all of them I can only get so close to them. It is simply because we both have the same perpencity to wait for someone else to initate conversation or action, and as neither of us will do it, nothing big ever forms, and it can even become akward. In some cases their Te can be dreadfully bad at sensing others moods and as such can make me feel uneasy. The one or two that I did get close to, ended up resulting in a collaps, because our methods of "going deep" are too different. In the end I got unconfortable with their intensity/darkness and one of them started revealing how status oriented she was, and it made me feel expected upon in a sense.
 
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pierce said:
Read ur responses. Sounds about right. Sounds like what I've been shooting for. You know, it's why I'm here on the forum in the first place. I thot there would be a special INFJ+INTJ bond.
Click to expand...

I tend to get along with INTJs quite well but INFJs I don't really get THAT close to. The ones I know in real life seem to be more interested in keeping harmony than actually discussing ideas and thoughts and the only way for me to know if I've crossed a line is if I cross it and after that point they really don't seem to be interested in explaining why they are particularly offended, they just go on ranting and raving. This was particularly odd to me because I generally understand why a person feels the way they do, but with the INFJs I met, their emotional outbursts just seemed random. They also didn't see outside of themselves very often. They projected their emotions unto others (The royal we, so to speak) Also fickle and non-assertive.
 
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I'm married to an INTJ. She's great. We get along really well. Early in our relationship, we realized that she was much more logical and I was much more emotional in how we interacted with the world. But we were similar at many other levels about how we wanted to live our lives.

In parenting, we consult each other. She sets rules and goals, and I help her understand what the kids are feeling. Together it works pretty well.
 
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I've know quite a few INTJ's, and I almost always get along with them. They are usually very intelligent and able to talk to a large number of subject. They are also usually big nerds/geeks, so we have plenty of common ground there! :)
 
I married an INTJ as well. He's my best friend in the whole world. He even admits that we balance each other out. I keep him from shooting "stupid people," and he tolerates my panic attacks. It all works out.
 
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INFJ INTJ soul mates

My husband found me when we were in our late forties. He used an online dating service. (very INTJ, eh?) And he creatively and cleverly and romantically pursued me.
We get along very well except when we both feeling stressed at the same time. Then, we retreat. Time really heals most everything for introverted intuitives, we have found.
We have merged our likes and hobbies into a fun mish mash of activities, most of which we do together. It makes for a very free life emotionally, for an INFJ (me) to have someone so devoted yet so very independent. We both spend a lot of time silently recharging, as well.
We have both acknowledged that we would not have been compatible in our 20s or 30s. It took a long time to grow into and comfortable with who and what we are.
I hope this helps.
 
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I don't really know what my close friends' types are but... I really really really like Mr. Darcy from pride and prejudice:mhula: :) :) ahahah isn't he an INTJ?

I know one of my friends is an INTJ because she knows about MBTI and we get along well :)
oh yeah she's really really intelligent bwahhahaha I find it amazing how she knows about a lot of things. She likes reading things like Time magazine.
 
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Well, for a while, anyway.

My experience with INTJs is that we tend to hurt each other's feelings a lot. I hurt them because I can't understand Fi, and keep applying Ti, which frustrates them. They seem insensitive to me because they keep using Te, and doing things that make them look bad or crude to me.

Yet still, sometimes we end up comforting each other and being friends for a long time. You can't generally keep an INTJ friend as an INFJ, though. INFPs tend to be more compatible with INTJs, have what they're looking for, and tend to make them into different people... not always in a good way, though, as the Fi can make them weak.
 
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I love INTJs.

If I had to pick a favorite mbti type it would be INTJs. It's a challenge for me to be logical sometimes, I'm just in awe of the way their minds work. They don't seem to be as put off by my standoffish behavior as other types are. Love them.
 
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My best friend and I have been friends ever since we met 11 years ago. He's INTJ and I'm INFJ. We connect on a level that is close to frightening (always knowing what the other is thinking/feeling, ect).
 
Pierce is INTJ and I am INFJ and we seem to get along quite well as friends. It's a different dynamic that's for sure.
 
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I've come to the conclusion that I'm an INTJ, and that yes, INFJs and INTJs can get along well if they are mature enough. Both types are good at analyzing problems, albeit different kinds. INTJs value intellectual integrity, INFJs value emotional integrity.

I probably feel emotions almost as much as INFJs. However, when my thoughts and emotions conflict, I usually listen to my thoughts.
 
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