INFJs and INTJs: best friends?

[steerthestars]

I'm an INTJ and, like other introverted Ns, I usually find it easier to make friends with a few people very similar to me and they inevitably turn out to be other INs-- especially INFJs. While INFPs and INTPs are amazing people, sometimes they seem so distant and unreliable-- always disappearing without telling you where they're going, or forgetting to show up when they're supposed to, or absorbed in whatever they're doing-- INFJs are practically drawn to me, despite the fact that they are the absolute least common personality type.

It seems strange that an INTJ and INFJ would be so drawn to each other, given that INTJs can often be insensitive to the point of rudeness, and INFJs can entirely overlook the practical and sensible while taking little slights too seriously. But I have heard from other INTJ forums that these kind of close friendships between INTJs and INFJs are common. Is it because of the shared primary function?

Despite my more commanding and less sweet dispostion than my INFJ friends, when we get into deep conversations, we tend to understand each other really well. We also respect each other's creativity and independence from social norms. How do you INFJs feel about INTJs?

 

[Nela]

It seems strange that an INTJ and INFJ would be so drawn to each other, given that INTJs can often be insensitive to the point of rudeness, and INFJs can entirely overlook the practical and sensible while taking little slights too seriously.

That's definitely true. Because of this, I'm often having trouble getting "close" to INTJs. Good conversations, yes. But in fact you are communicating on a whole different level, at least that's what I experience when discussing something with an INTJ. Conversations can be very insightful, but I never seem to "connect" with them emotionally. They're too far away. I always feel like there's this gap between us and I can't get over that. It's strange, my relationships with INTJs. I still haven't figured out what I have to think of it, really. But that's just my personal experience. In fact, I've heard about these close INFJ/INTJ friendships, so I guess it's possible.

 

[laurie]

I find I get on with my INTJ sister (as my twin she's also my friend) better than most other people (probably a little less well than with my mother, who is an INFJ). I agree that INFJ & TJs often do have good conversation, partly because of the INTJs liking for such deep conversations and the imagination/intuition of the INFJ allowing them to keep on a similar wavelength.
I usually find that older/more secure INFJs tend to get over the bluntness of INTJs better than younger/more sensitive ones, and so they tend to get on better with them.
Usually, it's about being able to accept that another's truth may oppose your own and there is no ONE TRUTH, or something.

 

[Grey Wolf]

I get on with myself pretty well XD

when I take the tests I usually end up INFJ or INTJ depending on how I'm feeling at that time

 

[NaeturVindur]

We're definitely drawn to each other. I have a small group of best friends (4, including myself). The MBTI are : 2 Infj's and 2 INTJ's. We know no other Intj's our age, and we recently found another person to be INFJ. We like her, but we just go in different circles. So, yes, from all of my experience, INFJ's and INTJ's are drawn to each other.

 

[chain]

Yes. Generally speaking... How many people really have the same foresight that Ni offers? Consistently? And can offer additional insight from a slightly different angle? How many people can really understand what you're trying to say without serious labor put into it's interpretation?

Despite my more commanding and less sweet dispostion than my INFJ friends, when we get into deep conversations, we tend to understand each other really well. We also respect each other's creativity and independence from social norms. How do you INFJs feel about INTJs?

In addition to what you already know? The end result differs, but it annoys and worries them that we're stoic and so often will decide/do things that are complete opposite to our feeling on the subject/situation. To them it's difficult to understand.

It's like our frustration that they're "emotional" rather than logical. Example: A few INFJ's on this board with get upset with the previous statement, guaranteed, regardless of it's general truth.

That's definitely true. Because of this, I'm often having trouble getting "close" to INTJs. Good conversations, yes. But in fact you are communicating on a whole different level, at least that's what I experience when discussing something with an INTJ. Conversations can be very insightful, but I never seem to "connect" with them emotionally. They're too far away. I always feel like there's this gap between us and I can't get over that. It's strange, my relationships with INTJs. I still haven't figured out what I have to think of it, really. But that's just my personal experience. In fact, I've heard about these close INFJ/INTJ friendships, so I guess it's possible.

I've had a few close relationships with INFJ's, including family and my current romantic reattachment.

In my experience: It takes work and acceptance on both ends. After a certain point of closeness, it becomes extremely difficult and complicated very quickly. Mostly, the INTJ needs to pay attention to and care about how the INFJ feels, and the INFJ needs to accept that emotional responses from the INTJ will be few and far inbetween.

 

[Jana]

I don't know for friends, but my best high-school teacher was INTJ, at least I think so (now, when I anylize my past in MBTI terms...I was intersted in subject, but that teacher was great. Systematic, objective, great in describing schemes, always controlling herself in class full of moody teenagers, honest. And I never have problems in understanding what was going on (probably because INFJ and INTJ has similar way of learning). Because she was more intersted in big picture of problem than in just facts. True mastermind

 

[AUM]

INTJ's are great people. Love talking to them but often misunderstood more than INFJ's for that matter.

 

[Nausus]

The thing is, I usually dislike INTJs. I'm not saying you're not a lovely person D: but usually I cannot get along with them, and they annoy me to no end of their "I'm right, you're wrong, deal." kind of attitude that i've experienced. But, that's my take on INTJs, I tend to like INTPs alot, though. My best friend is an INTP

 

[AUM]

The thing is, I usually dislike INTJs. I'm not saying you're not a lovely person D: but usually I cannot get along with them, and they annoy me to no end of their "I'm right, you're wrong, deal." kind of attitude that i've experienced. But, that's my take on INTJs, I tend to like INTPs alot, though. My best friend is an INTP

Yeah, they seem to have that kind of attitude. My dad is an INTJ and he has that kind of attitude all the time, it drives me nuts too. But like I said, they are frequently misunderstood. Being obnoxious and arrogant is the way of an INTJ to show his care towards you. But nevertheless it gets irritating after awhile.

That being said, I still love their conversations

 

[Faye]

I try to talk to this INTJ girl that I know, but she doesn't seem to like me. I'm not sure though.

I like INTJs and work really well with them, unless they're being jerks. I've gotten to the point though were instead of taking it too personally, I'll argue back with them because I usually have an idea what I'm talking about if I care about it. Give me a few years, and I will know way more than I do now.

 

[Radiant1]

Yeah, they seem to have that kind of attitude. My dad is an INTJ and he has that kind of attitude all the time, it drives me nuts too. But like I said, they are frequently misunderstood. Being obnoxious and arrogant is the way of an INTJ to show his care towards you. But nevertheless it gets irritating after awhile.

That being said, I still love their conversations

My boyfriend is an INTJ. I'll have to repeat what I bolded above like a mantra. He often tells me, "The fact that I pay any attention to you at all shows that I care about you."

Obviously, I love INTJs too.

 

[VH]

INTJs and INFJs are the only two types who share Ni dominance. This is significant for two very clear reasons. First, sharing Ni dominance means we see the world the same way. Second, Ni dominance occurs in less than 1% of the total population.

We're drawn to each other because there are so few of us who can relate to how we view the world.

We compliment each other because we think differently about what we both see. INFJs move from Ni to Fe. INTJs move from Ni to Te. We both reason extroverted, but INFJs think in terms of how things relate philosophically and emotionally, while INTJs think in terms of how things relate logically and rationally.

 

[Arg]

Yeah most my friends are Js. I drive them nuts. I have a tendency to treat deadlines and social obligations (aka being on time for social outings) as tentative suggestions rather than divine mandates. I was two hours late for a date once (with an INTJ) because I went looking for arrowheads and lost track of the time, but at least I found some sweet pottery shards.

My last girlfriend was an ENFP, now she was a freaking space cadet and coming from me that's bad.

 

[Radiant1]

INTJs and INFJs are the only two types who share Ni dominance. This is significant for two very clear reasons. First, sharing Ni dominance means we see the world the same way. Second, Ni dominance occurs in less than 1% of the total population.

We're drawn to each other because there are so few of us who can relate to how we view the world.

We compliment each other because we think differently about what we both see. INFJs move from Ni to Fe. INTJs move from Ni to Te. We both reason extroverted, but INFJs think in terms of how things relate philosophically and emotionally, while INTJs think in terms of how things relate logically and rationally.

Which, if you think about it, really can be a workable yin-yang type of principle.

 

[NaeturVindur]

The thing is, I usually dislike INTJs. I'm not saying you're not a lovely person D: but usually I cannot get along with them, and they annoy me to no end of their "I'm right, you're wrong, deal." kind of attitude that i've experienced. But, that's my take on INTJs, I tend to like INTPs alot, though. My best friend is an INTP

I've talked to my INTJ friend about this conception of the "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude. Its not that they have this attitude, without discrimination, its that they make their decision very quickly. This listen to you, objectively make a determination, then get back to you, and the whole process can take a second, because they do it while you're talking. INTJ's are very concerned about being right, so they might come across as cocky, but they will listen to what you have to say, and if you have a valid point, they will happily reevaluate their own position.

 

[Faye]

[QUOTE=N

 

[Lady_Ai]

Funny you should mention the compatibility of INFJ and INTJ. I actually dated an INTJ and it was actually quite the experience. On the long run it was a pretty deep relationship. We both were deep thinkers and understood one another. Though we were introverted people we found ourselves easily making conversation and going out together without tiring ourselves out. We would of been great friends.

That being said our relationship ended in 14 months. The difference of T.hinking and F. eeling was something that couldn't work out. To put it bluntly in 3rd person he was too arrogant and I was too emotionally and often call on each other for that. To him it was all in the logical sense. To me I relied my feelings. Our reasonings clashed and blew up in our faces. We used the word love with each other. As I type this down I just realized that the fact neither of us are willing to work things isn't love at all. What was holding us together was our understanding for one another.

Back to the point: INTJ are really quite logical and realistic. Some may even call them stuck up and rude. After dating one I realized they're not trying to be rude but rather practical in their line of reasoning. Would I be friends with a INTJ ,of course I would. I don't want to shut myself from other personalities just because we're different, but rather I want to to understand them. Would I date an INTJ again? Maybe, myexperience was bad but I don't want to shut off other potential suiters base on that alone

 

[Naxx]

I've tested as ENFJ, INTP, and INTJ however 95% of the time I'm an INFJ. My best friend is an INTJ.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

I have two close INTJ friends, and my dad is INTJ. I tend to get along well with almost every INTJ I meet. Course, I often do test INTJ, so having a strong T helps.

I think they're funny as hell. That rude, snarky attitude? Makes me laugh

But then, there's poles to every type. Some INTJs are so arrogant and pompous that you want to punch them. But there's always the INTJs that share morals and a love for people as well. Overall, I think the common Ni gives us more common ground than differences.