INFJ, The Manipulator?

[Deleted member 1391]

I have been called this numerous times, though I steadfastly believe I am not.

As a recent example, only today a person I know from a few years back (we stopped talking because of angsty dram) called me manipulative when I tried to strike up a conversation with him. He accused me of harassing his friends, which I was completely oblivious to because I don't know many of his friends personally.

Apparently, in his eyes. I was "manipulative" because I was lying and trying to convince him I wasn't. As far as I'm concerned, the guy is just too simply minded to actually make a valid judgement on these kinds of situations.

And this seems to be the recurring theme. Those who call me manipulative are usually people who don't take the time to look at a situation probably, instead passing judgement that simply supports their convenience.

Egotistical? Maybe.
Do I care? Not really.

I know I'm not a manipulator, and that's enough for me.

 

[tkgracie]

I have to agree with the posts (most) and i've done it too. But it has not been for my amusement, but rather situations at work for example, when trying to motivate co-workers etc.
I disagree with poster who feels that F's are insincere, and it's a shame she has found them to be that for her.

 

[Minerva]

There is a difference between being an effective communicator and a manipulator. Some people can be both.

I agree, and I am both…when I want to be. Normally, I just say whatever I want however I want to and anyone that doesn’t like it can just deal with it! If it’s a delicate/important topic, then I present it in the way that’ll be best received. I'll state honest facts, but I'll pretend that I'm nervous about bringing it up or something. My manipulation never hurt others, but I’m not going to pretend that I don’t do it.

 

[v.shadow]

I think I'm definitely a manipulator, maybe because I can be selfish most of the times and I want to get things done my way. people often don't perceive it, but I find myself trying to control them many times.

 

[Wyst]

INFJs, manipulators? SHIT! They figured it out!!

Yeah, I can really be manipulative sometimes. I usually resort to that when I'm just too prideful to go out and say, "Hey, that hurt my feelings' or 'Wouldn't it be better if we did it this way instead?".

Heh, that works out really well for me because if the person doesn't catch the hint, I get to stay mad at them for not being more sensitive. Once again... I'm really good at playing the victim. Poooooor little me!

 

[slant]

^ See.

Prime example of INFJ sulky tendencies.

 

[Bored Now]

I don't like being manipulated at all so I don't manipulate people. Plus I'm too apathetic to be manipulative. I just do my own thing... and its easier to be upfront. For me anyway.

 

[Shai Gar]

*strokes lace*

 

[slant]

It used to be so easy to manipulate, back in the good ol' 3rd and 4th grade. You just threatened to kiss anyone who didn't do what you said. I used to line little boys up and tell them what I wanted them to do- and then chase them around threatening to kiss them. I had a strong military back then...*sigh*

But now when you threaten to kiss them, it's like they actually want it. At least the trick still works on girls.

 

[Bored Now]

I hate you so much, Shai Gar.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

It used to be so easy to manipulate, back in the good ol' 3rd and 4th grade. You just threatened to kiss anyone who didn't do what you said. I used to line little boys up and tell them what I wanted them to do- and then chase them around threatening to kiss them. I had a strong military back then...*sigh*

But now when you threaten to kiss them, it's like they actually want it. At least the trick still works on girls.

Lol, I did that too :B

 

[Detective Conan]

It used to be so easy to manipulate, back in the good ol' 3rd and 4th grade. You just threatened to kiss anyone who didn't do what you said. I used to line little boys up and tell them what I wanted them to do- and then chase them around threatening to kiss them. I had a strong military back then...*sigh*

But now when you threaten to kiss them, it's like they actually want it. At least the trick still works on girls.

lol it depends on the girl. They might want it too

 

[slant]

I think I've said this before, but gay women do not like me. I don't know why, they just don't. So I can just about 99.9% say that women still fall for the trick.

 

[Detective Conan]

I think I've said this before, but gay women do not like me. I don't know why, they just don't. So I can just about 99.9% say that women still fall for the trick.

you probably have said it before. I've just never seen you say it.

 

[Ookami]

INFJs being manipulators are about as close an ENTPs being gods.

Meaning there is a possibility, but its very highly unlikely.

Being this thread was started by an ENTP explains the manipulation factor.

*Moves Along licking Lolli *

 

[anica]

Wow. This is really a trait I do not think I share. On one hand I don't value it, as others here have spoken to, but in addition, I don't think I have the talent or skill to manipulate others behavior.

The closest I could come in my mental examination was that I do scan people closely and I think I have a good sense of people and what style of interaction they may respond to more favorably or negatively to. I do choose an interaction style I think will be more likely to be received positively, and I do this for others comfort, but mostly for my own comfort. However, I don't think this would have any significant effect on another person's behavior other than perhaps leave them a bit more receptive to what I may have to say than if I chose a communication style that was more adversarial.

I very much value people's autonomy. I think I may go out of my way to disguise my own desires when interacting with others so that they are NOT influenced by what I may want the outcome to be and are free to choose their own path without my influence. If I want my perspective considered, I will express it directly and ask them to consider it, but also make it clear that I will respect their decision if in the end after considering what I offered they choose otherwise. I do not think I have an omnipotent view of what is the "greater good" and I may not have the best picture. Honestly the more I consider the harm I could inflict on the world by trying to influence the world to my vision of "good" without respecting the varying perspective's of "good" in the world, I shudder.

No. I do not think I am manipulative.

I did ask for external feedback on my internal assessment and received back that at least in this one external source's eyes, my assessment was not incorrect.

^^This; at least it's how I see myself and have had it confirmed by those who know me well.

Much of the behavior I see described on this thread I've seen more in ENFJs rather than INFJs, especially the part about genuinely doing it for what they consider to be the greater good or to benefit someone they are mentoring or nurturing. My humble opionion.

 

[Shai Gar]

INFJs being manipulators are about as close an ENTPs being gods.

Meaning there is a possibility, but its very highly unlikely.

Being this thread was started by an ENTP explains the manipulation factor.

*Moves Along licking Lolli *

Yeah you would lick loli.

 

[Eniko]

I think I've said this before, but gay women do not like me. I don't know why, they just don't. So I can just about 99.9% say that women still fall for the trick.

What, I don't count?

 

[Sam]

I've realised that I have the capacity to be the biggest manipulator in the world to the right people and even thinking about it makes me feel guilty. Mostly it's - when people are talking of me very highly. I do realise there are a few people in my life that have put me up on this pedastal and it feels like I've manipulated them into believing into this "Illusion" of me being a better person than I am in reality. I always try to strive for objectivity and truth, therefore I know it might be my overly-exceeding perfectionism lurking behind me or self-esteem issues or something else.

I'm not as naive and gullible and good as these people seem to think of me; and in some ways, I am, and it makes me scared the shit out of me to know they see that (I fear being taken advantage of) and also feel very warm and fuzzy inside when someone notices this. But it's maybe part of the reason why I always try to show people the tougher side of me, because I'm also extremely hardcore & Ti all the way. What would it be like to feel saving the world and everybody at the same time you believe in masses should die in order not to get this planet overpopulated. I'm a tough bastard and a naive dreamer.

But as in such, I know I manipulate people sometimes if I think it's harmless and does not influence on the person's choice making processes or freedom, which I hold sacred. We all manipulate to some extent. But in general I don't think I could manipulate anyone to any ends I wish for whatever reasons, not only because it's against everything I stand for but because I couldn't, my bullshit detector would make me crawl under the ground and make me bury my own grave as I'd feel so horrible.

 

[r.a]

Now I don't know if this is just me or not, so I'm asking you.

I have been told by some that I am a manipulator. I can see how people feel about things down almost to their core, and with this knowledge, I instictivly act in a way to get the reaction I want out of people.

I am a very big people watcher, allways learning the habit and feeling of people around me; how they react to diffrent situations and ideas, and the ilk. It seems that this just naturaly set me up to manipulate them into do, or feeling the way I want them to, even though that isn't how I view what I do.

Does anyone else feel like this is like them, or has been told this by others?

when i was younger i was more careless and didn't have true respect for will of others. ive always known how to get inside of people and move them from within. i was definitely called a manipulator. my intentions weren't necessarily bad they were just selfish. and i was sloppy. karma kicked my ass for a long time.

these days i better understand my abilities and the ripples i create and in the end i prefer to let others make decisions for themselves. if they see my way then fantastic, they get a golden star and maybe some friendship. i still turn events now and then but on a smaller scale, and with more benevolence.

the key is to plant seeds and allow the other party to come to whatever conclusion they may.