INFJ gentle rejection: what's it mean? | INFJ Forum

INFJ gentle rejection: what's it mean?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by only1cake, Nov 7, 2009.

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  1. only1cake

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    I was seeing an INFJ girl for about two months. she was very hard to know (sound familiar?) and though I "friendzoned" her first, I ended up confessing that I was attracted to her (an yes, I know I broke the cardinal INFJ rule of "slow and steady" and "being consistent"). Long story short, I was met with a gentle (and cryptic) rejection, which i'll paraphrase as a "we can still be awkward friends." EEK.
    :m133:

    i know better than to pursue her again. but my question is more general: if an INFJ has made up his/her mind that someone is not the right partner, is that set in stone forever in his/her mind? Does the Ni in you ever say "you know what? maybe I made a mistake..." ?
     
    #1 only1cake, Nov 7, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2009
  2. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    For me, never. Sorry. :(
     
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  3. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

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    She may still like you but want to protect herself from an overly unpredictable partner D:

    You'd honestly have to prove yourself with multiple actions and then just see if she deems you worthy (that sounds like you're crap, that's not what I'm suggesting, but I think you get it)
     
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  4. OP
    only1cake

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    :hurt: NOOOOOO!

    Kidding. :)

    Thanks for your honesty. You INFJ's are so kind, trying not to step on my little toesies. Le sigh. I shall bag one of youse one day.
     
    #4 only1cake, Nov 7, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2009
  5. Moxie

    Moxie Absent-Minded Professor

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    Thank you. I don't like to step on toesies-they don't grow back very well. :p
     
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  6. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    Yes, I would with some people but it would depend on why I said no in the first place.
     
  7. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    Yeah, she might have felt rushed or pressured.
     
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  8. Grasshopper

    Grasshopper Community Member

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    From what I've read it's very difficult to change an INFJ's mind once they've decided. For me, and im not sure if im an INFJ, nothing is set in stone. Never say never.

    Im guessing that once you've told someone that you like them as more than a friend, and they reject you, it is difficult to continue being friends.
     
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  9. sassafras

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    Hmm. I don't think anything is ever "set in stone" when it comes to feelings.... regardless of an individual's MBTI type.

    Give her some space, be a good friend, and maybe the tide will turn some day. Or not. (We maybe intuitive, but we're not psychic :p)

    Good luck!
     
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  10. OP
    only1cake

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    Indeed, it did feel like 20 bandaids being simultaneously ripped off my poor widdle infp back... but i will still be her friend. i have way too much bonding tendency.
     
    #10 only1cake, Nov 7, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2009
  11. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Maybe, but it's unlikely I'd act on a change of heart. Personally I would feel terrible that someone had different expectations from a relationship than me. I would seriously back off for a very long time, and possibly exclude them from my life altogether, not to be cruel, but to try to prevent them any further pain - knowing they would probably forget me in time. If I did change my mind about them later, which can happen, I would resist upsetting their feelings by reversing the former tactic, because it would seem to me to be an unkind thing to do - to play with someone's feelings in that way. I'd more likely chastise myself for not knowing better the first time and then do my best to let it go.
     
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    #11 Puck, Nov 7, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2009
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  12. xizzax

    xizzax Community Member

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    welll... if she actually likes you i think it's okay even if you broke that rule.

    it just makes her more hesitant, but again as "TDHT" said, emotions aren't set in stone.

    INFJ's are secretly romantic, I'm sure... so if she likes you, well she still probably does.
     
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  13. Jayce

    Jayce Community Member

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    Once I've made up my mind about someone, it is extremely difficult for me to change it. As someone mentioned, you'd have to go through extensive measures to "prove yourself worthy." And yes, that sounds terrible and I wish I could put it in a nicer way but that sums it up pretty well.

    The best thing to do is continue to be a good friend. Maybe her opinion will change?
     
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  14. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I break the friend rule all the time.
     
  15. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    Be honest. The Ni does not change it's mind--ever. If it did, it wouldn't be Ni, it would be Ti. Your friend has rejected the idea of romance. Accept it and move on. She (we) will not be changing her mind. If an INFJ thinks there is a chance for romance, they will jump. That she didn't says there is no interest in that type of relationship.
     
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  16. Tulip

    Tulip Community Member

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    I don't make up my mind easily, but once I have made up my mind, it is very difficult to change.

    Not that I don't want to change or I have decided not to change, it is just the way it is.

    :rain:
     
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  17. Sei

    Sei Three

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    I have, as an INFJ, very hard with being around people who seem to love me. I'm like -very- introverted, even if I think I like them too.


    And as so many people already said, feelings aren't set in stone, but ours (or at last mine?) change very slowly.
     
  18. Nela

    Nela Community Member

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    It could mean a lot of things. First of all: if she said she isn't interested, then most probably she isn't. I agree with most of what's been said here. I think, as an infj, chances are small that she will change her mind.. However, I know that for me, a straightforward approach when I really don't expect it can freak me out. As a result I might behave differently, seem uninterested, or even push people away. It's a way of giving myself time with emotions that overwhelm me. I don't know if that's a typical infj thing, but I know that I do that sometimes and that it can be very annoying for the other person.

    I feel a little hesitant saying this, because I think it's dangerous keeping your hopes up in situations like this. That way chances are you'll get hurt again.
     
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  19. OP
    only1cake

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    you all have been very helpful and honest. i truly appreciate it. been a week since initial rejection and she's been poking me on fbook and sent me a friendly text asking how my week went. i hear (from another infj) that this means she deems me worthy to keep around, so that is cool. no longer in denial about the "no" and can now move on.

    INFJS -
    YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!
    :m066:
    no, really.
     
  20. Angantyr

    Angantyr Regular Poster

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    As a rule I take my time to get to know somebody but I can be forgiving if people can convince me. Generally I come off as cold at first and take my time.

    Out of interest your gender says Female, am I missing something here?
     
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