I am going to try my best to put this into words, I am sorry if I don't quite hit the mark, I will try my best. Keep in mind in order to express these views I really have to boil things down and stereotype a bit more than I like to do. Forgive me if I do this too much, it is going to be hard to express this without putting people in boxes that I don't feel they should necessarily go in.
I have no problem with putting people in boxes because these things are just trends and not absolutes. You can in fact put all the blonde people you know into a group containing blondes. Are some people in between blonde and brunette? Certainly. Does this indicate anything other than hair color? Of course not. But, the fact of the matter is that blondes have blonde hair. With respect to MBTI personality type, this is still applicable. No two people are going to be exactly alike, but people of any given type share some basic cognitive traits.
Ok, well I find that introverted ENFJs tend to take on much of the traits of EJs. They tend to be pretty judgmental (though open minded as well), and very quickly make judgments about people. They also tend to really emphasize politeness and positive relationships with people. This doesn't mean an extroverted INFJ won't do these things but I find this is crucial to ENFJs. Just in general from my experience ENFJs have a more formulated outer world, where INFJs in the outer world come across as 'feeling things out.'
I am quick to make deductions. I'm not sure if I'm especially judgmental. I am very much not one to emphasize politeness. In fact people who are overly polite annoy me, and people who demand politeness actually make me angry. That's a pet peeve of mine. However, I am very much one to emphasize
sincere positive relationships with people, which is why politeness annoys me when it is forced. It gets in the way of sincerity and the beautiful thing that happens when two people connect in a positive relationship.
I also notice that ENFJs (EJs in general) are more likely to have a hidden motive sometimes when they speak. They kind of get to the point in a roundabout way sometimes, usually to feel the person out, or perhaps they feel their idea will be misunderstood if stated directly. I don't see this as much in INFJ. When INFJ (or IJ in general) communicates it seems more direct. Actually on a side note, Soconics describes EPs/IJs as "static" personalities and EJs/IPs as 'dynamic', and this is kind of what they mean in a really abstract way.
I'm ridiculously direct, and I always have been. One of my pet peeves is being accused of having some sort of ulterior motive, hidden agenda, or implied meaning when I speak. When I say something, I mean exactly what I say. If there was additional implication, I'd have just said it. The only time I will hold anything back is when I know it will cause more harm than good, which is saying a lot because the truth is
very important to me, no matter how bad it is. Even then, I won't double talk. I'll just stay silent.
I've had more than a few people in my life accuse me of this double motive thing, and I can't even grasp where it is coming from because I never do it. My ESTJ mother, and two ENFP friends do this with alarming frequency. Most importantly, the things that they accuse me of implying are so off base that I couldn't have come up with them if I had to.
I also think when they express their thoughts ENFJs tend to be pretty solid about them. They commit to their idea, and prefer to have it set, as opposed to INFJs who tend to walk the fence or be in the gray a lot with their views. I also find that ENFJs are more likely to take criticism to heart, often getting very defensive and emotional when personally 'attacked', or just shutting down completely. INFJs when criticized tend to start going into P mode as I call it where they just keep searching for more info about the criticism in an attempt perhaps to make sense of it in their heads, in essence assimilating the information before judging it.
I have learned to express myself very solidly over the years. When I was younger, I was a lot more like the younger INFJs here. I proposed things much more than I declared them. This could be my Fe growing as I've aged. I certainly walk the fence less and less as I've gotten older.
My first response to criticism is to figure out if it is correct. Only when I am convinced that it isn't, do I try to talk some sense into the person who offered it. Otherwise, I want to get to the bottom of it. What would cause them to say something like that if it's not the case? Maybe I can help them see more clearly.
Really the quickness and solidity of outer judgments I think is a good indicator. To INFJ the outer world is a dreamier place so to speak. Also, an introverted ENFJ may find it upsetting that they have trouble with making close friends, where extroverted INFJ wouldn't so much mind it preferring to keep only close friends and not worrying as much about it.
I have lived the majority of my life in a fantasy world of my own creation. I've only recently, later in life allowed myself to dwell much closer to reality as the Sensing types would refer to it. This is likely the development of my Fe, and especially Se as I've gotten older.
This is an important point to note, I moved to a new school at least once a year when I was growing up. When I say I got tired of not having any friends, I mean I got tired of not having a friend at all. Not one. All I wanted was one, maybe a few close friends. But, I realized that in order to make friends, I had to learn how to be like the people who have no problem making friends, not the people who stay lost in their heads and draw pictures all the time.
For me though the big thing is how open does the person come across in discussion. In my experience ENFJs really have made up their minds when they speak, whereas INFJs just seem more 'movable' in their position. Perhaps we could explain it as the Primary Judging/Secondary Perception vs. Primary Perception/Secondary Judging.
I'm very movable about anything I haven't made up my mind on. But, it often takes me longer to make up my mind than most. It's taken me months to somewhat make up my mind that I'm probably an INFJ. I'm
still open to the possibility that I'm actually an ENFJ. I just think it is unlikely after all the discussion and pondering that I've done - despite the fact that I would rather be an ENFJ if I could, because I admire the traits that they have that I lack.
Another good way to find out is ask those you are close to. They know you well, how do they see you? Do your friends and family see someone who is extroverted or introverted. Their judgment would probably be more sound than a stranger's from the internet because they have so much more information to go off of.
I've asked a lot of people that I know over the past few months about this, pretty much anytime the subject shifts to Jungian type.
For the most part, people who don't know me very well have said they see me as an extrovert. Some of them even laugh at the possibility that I'm an introvert. However, in my close circle of friends, the reaction is the exact opposite - leaning in favor of introverted, with some laughing at the possibility of extroverted.
Interestingly enough, I've noticed that my extremely introverted friends see me as an extrovert, while my extremely extroverted friends see me as an introvert. I think this is more proof of my ambiversion theory. To each group, I look more like the other. It's only with my closest friends that I think I'm getting an accurate read, and even then there is only a lean, not a unanimous response.
I am pretty sure I'm an INFJ with a very strong Fe, which makes me seem like both an INFJ or an ENFJ, depending on the situation or perspective. In many ways I'm both, but I lean slightly in favor of INFJ.
The best reason I have to conclude this is based on something I read once, that was a brilliant measuring tool for type. A person's functions shut down in reverse order as they get tired, and the last function to go is their dominant function. When I start to get tired, the first thing to go is any desire to be competitve along with the ability to pay attention to my surroundings (Se). I become klutzy and can't deal with confusion in my environment, even a small amount of it. The next thing I lose is my ability to be analytical, and do things such as math or troubleshooting (Ti), but it goes at almost the same time as my Se, so this might be a tough call. From there, I eventually lose my ability to care much about whatever (Fe), and can only pay attention in that distant intuitive way (Ni), which is strangely sharper in those sorts of moments. I can
never turn off my Ni. It even runs while I'm sleeping. Even though I've got a lot of mileage on my Fe, it doesn't start back up until I begin to wake up properly. My Ti seems to be the next thing to get going, and my Se seems to be dead last in the list of functions that go online as I get more and more awake, but again, these two things happen very close to each other so I'm not completely sure that's the case. I'm basing this on my ability to analytically be aware of losing my Se traits, and assuming it's Ti that allows me to do that. Once my Ti goes, I'm off in right brained abstraction land, and it's really hard to put into words how I am thinking. But, in that mode, I feel how things should be less and less, and just want to withdraw from the world. This is in sharp contrast to the Fe dominant people I know who can interact with large groups as they fall asleep, are perfectly comfortable sleeping in a room full of people who are talking, and are fully conversational when they wake up. The possibility of being expected to behave as such is so uncomfortable to me that the thought of it makes my skin crawl. And that is why I'm pretty sure I'm not an Fe dominant, and therefore not an ENFJ, despite how much I would love to have their powers.
