Because women over 40 look particulary haggish or something? LOL Yes, that is me. Picture was taken last month.
How many relationships have you been in?
- Thread starter nyc bred
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Because women over 40 look particulary haggish or something? LOL Yes, that is me. Picture was taken last month.
[MENTION=4749]johnkim[/MENTION]
I don't disagree with what you said, but at this point in my life I am just not ready for love or relationships. I know that, when I'm ready, I'll open up to it again, and I'll feel all the warm feelings that come from simply entertaining the possibility of love... and hopefully, when the time comes, it won't just be mere possibility, but the real thing. At this moment, and for some time to come, I'm too affected by my recent experience to feel like it will work out with anyone-- or at least, anyone I currently know.
If I happen to meet someone who just about knocks me off my feet, someone I feel an instant and deep connection with (it's happened to me once in my life) that might do it. Anything short of that isn't going to bring me out of this.
I think for me it's a matter of meeting just the right person.
Best of luck with your fashion girl. I know you'd be happy
HI Subwayrider,
Thanks and I understand how you feel. It's better to accept how you feel right now of being not ready than trying to force yourself to feel ready.
Now I also believe it's so important to stay true with yourself. I have been wondering why I began feeling unhappy after high school. Then I realized that's because I have been living against my own feeling for the past few years. I tried to pretend to be someone who I was not. I forced myself to go to parties and do things I didn't enjoy even slightly. Then whenever I didn't go out, I felt terrible about myself. I stopped doing things I like because it was "uncool". It was a vicious cycle.
Recently, I began to stay authentic to myself. I don't feel guilt anymore if I don't always participate in social situations. I participate whenever I feel like it and it has been great. I no longer need or want to put up the fake social persona. I also start playing the violin again which I used to love before college.
Tonight is Friday night but I'm not feeling any pressure to go out or feel any guilt about it. I'm actually happier this way and translate to better relationship with others.
I apologize for posting so much about my own experiences but I hope others who feel the pressure to put up a fake image can learn from my experience
You like girls whose names end in vowels?
edit: holy shit. all of my crushes have had names ending in the "uh" sound. what the
hm... there was Michael, Bentley, Justin, Francis, Namkyu, and Derek ... no patterns yet except that the last three were all INFJs
lmao, "muffy"
lmao, "muffy"
[MENTION=4749]johnkim[/MENTION]
I began dealing with all that fake image shit over the summer. I was only being fake for a short time, about 6 months... I've been pretty true to myself most of my life. I've never really fit in with any group of people, so I was a loner for a long time. I'm still in essence a loner, but have plenty of people I enjoy who I see on a semi-regular basis. I just can't deal with trying to belong to any group of people, for the compromises that have to be made. I prefer to be true to myself, all the time, even if it means suffering intense feelings of loneliness from time to time. It makes me feel at peace.
I've been to no more than 5 parties in all my life. The last one I attended (over the summer) left me feeling sick to my stomach with people in general. The things I saw made me seriously depressed for a short time after, and my friends from that scene were worried about me because I wouldn't answer their calls, texts, and so on. It didn't take long for me to realize all that stuff isn't for me. Anytime I go out on a Friday night to hang out with a group of people, I come home feeling drained and slightly depressed. I never thought I had social anxiety until just last week, when I went out for the first time in a while, and noticed myself getting very tense around them.
Anyway, I'm happy for the moment. Gonna be on the forum for a bit, and then maybe read a book and go to sleep. I was studying at the library for half the day, chillin' at my house with my friend for the other half. These are the things that make me happy
I began dealing with all that fake image shit over the summer. I was only being fake for a short time, about 6 months... I've been pretty true to myself most of my life. I've never really fit in with any group of people, so I was a loner for a long time. I'm still in essence a loner, but have plenty of people I enjoy who I see on a semi-regular basis. I just can't deal with trying to belong to any group of people, for the compromises that have to be made. I prefer to be true to myself, all the time, even if it means suffering intense feelings of loneliness from time to time. It makes me feel at peace.
I've been to no more than 5 parties in all my life. The last one I attended (over the summer) left me feeling sick to my stomach with people in general. The things I saw made me seriously depressed for a short time after, and my friends from that scene were worried about me because I wouldn't answer their calls, texts, and so on. It didn't take long for me to realize all that stuff isn't for me. Anytime I go out on a Friday night to hang out with a group of people, I come home feeling drained and slightly depressed. I never thought I had social anxiety until just last week, when I went out for the first time in a while, and noticed myself getting very tense around them.
Anyway, I'm happy for the moment. Gonna be on the forum for a bit, and then maybe read a book and go to sleep. I was studying at the library for half the day, chillin' at my house with my friend for the other half. These are the things that make me happy
I have only had one relationship, and I'm proud to say it went well. In short, my friend became my girlfriend, and then became a really good friend. It was beautiful while it lasted, but eventually my insight became reality and we were separated by distant colleges, and the fact that neither of us were really ready for something serious. Considering our lack of experience, and in comparison to the relationships of my peers, things worked out. Knowing what I know now, after my recent self-realization, I can look back and see exactly how I could have proceeded differently and increased our bond ten-fold.
It doesn't change the past, but now I know that I'm mature enough to entertain a serious relationship if one should appear.
I feel the need to brain dump, so here's a glance (if a bit blurry) at the whole thing through my eyes, that chilly November evening...:
Someone who I'd known fairly well for seven and a half years, seemingly unprovoked from my side, sent me a text message late at night after we'd been playing video games at my youth pastor's house. Essentially it said, "Halo is fun- Especially blowing people up with rockets! You're really good at it, a lot better than me. Maybe we could play at your house sometime, and get to know each other better... " I was falling asleep when I got the message, but I woke up as if someone had both dumped ice water on my face and lit my chest on fire. Only weeks previously I had resigned myself to having relationships only once in college (I saw little point in starting something that would likely end when each party went to a different university). Now, I faced the daunting prospect of redefining my life or rejecting and possibly hurting a friend. So I went to bed.
The next morning (at zero dark-thirty) I tried not to think of the message; I had to keep my mind clear, for that day I was competing at an NJROTC drill meet. After my events (which I had won!), I had long hours of solitude before the bus ride back home. I pondered my position, playing each option out in my mind. Eventually, I asked my best friend/soul brother (an ENFJ, if you were curious) for some advice, and he told me that clarity was of utmost importance in my reply- that I had to make it clear to her that I was either in or out of the relationship.
On my way home, I realized that I could see the relationship actually going somewhere. Within my heart was an insatiable desire to get to know her better. I thought of her and noticed all of the little things to which I was attracted. So I composed a smoldering poem of love on my cell phone and bounced it off of a tower into her hand.
In hindsight, I realize that I probably caused her a lot of stress while I took my time to reply. Thankfully, it was never an issue.
Soon we were exchanging a flurry of words that in the next week, likely exceeded the entire number of messages I had on my phone previously. Intellectually, we had opened the floodgates. Physically, however, we were like a glacier carving mountains.
I believe that this was the main problem: Our emotional and mental relationship was growing at a blazing rate, much too fast for either of us to overcome our physical barriers in pace. In the first two months, I think we had held hands once- and the hugs were in the single digits until mid-spring. Our vast desire for affection in the physical world, unsated, was painful for both of us. Eventually we reached an emotional high, and when we realized that the physical bond wasn't there, progress began to scale back to the same level. When the time came to leave for college, we both decided to go back to being friends (Albeit good ones. I still skype with her a fair amount.)
Presently, I am much more confident in myself. I will be wary about holding back when my feelings tell me to go- but this must also be reciprocal. Hopefully the relationship will not have gotten that far without both of us being on the same level.
Thank you for reading my little story, and I apologize if it is a bit jumbled. That's just how it translated.
Here's a little about my fem-friend: Before I really got to know her, she was always the expressionless person who I saw sitting in the back of the class (frequently near me) who drew doodles during lessons. She was usually quiet, but when we were with our group of friends playing games like 'Zombies' (a game I made up involving pool noodles, fingerdarts, darkness, and lots of brain munching), she became excited and spontaneous, beating down and consuming humans with a passion. I had her take the MBTI recently and she scored ENFJ. I have a feeling that the result is incorrect because I never saw her talking comfortably with any number of strangers, and she's not like my strongly ENFJ soul-brother whom I know very well. I don't yet know enough about other types to define her as one. I can only express my suspicion that she saw the test the wrong way.
Wow! That took a long time to write... I suppose pulling certain emotions from my head and writing about them for the first time does that to me. I kinda forgot about dinner!
It doesn't change the past, but now I know that I'm mature enough to entertain a serious relationship if one should appear.
I feel the need to brain dump, so here's a glance (if a bit blurry) at the whole thing through my eyes, that chilly November evening...:
Someone who I'd known fairly well for seven and a half years, seemingly unprovoked from my side, sent me a text message late at night after we'd been playing video games at my youth pastor's house. Essentially it said, "Halo is fun- Especially blowing people up with rockets! You're really good at it, a lot better than me. Maybe we could play at your house sometime, and get to know each other better...
" I was falling asleep when I got the message, but I woke up as if someone had both dumped ice water on my face and lit my chest on fire. Only weeks previously I had resigned myself to having relationships only once in college (I saw little point in starting something that would likely end when each party went to a different university). Now, I faced the daunting prospect of redefining my life or rejecting and possibly hurting a friend. So I went to bed.The next morning (at zero dark-thirty) I tried not to think of the message; I had to keep my mind clear, for that day I was competing at an NJROTC drill meet. After my events (which I had won!), I had long hours of solitude before the bus ride back home. I pondered my position, playing each option out in my mind. Eventually, I asked my best friend/soul brother (an ENFJ, if you were curious) for some advice, and he told me that clarity was of utmost importance in my reply- that I had to make it clear to her that I was either in or out of the relationship.
On my way home, I realized that I could see the relationship actually going somewhere. Within my heart was an insatiable desire to get to know her better. I thought of her and noticed all of the little things to which I was attracted. So I composed a smoldering poem of love on my cell phone and bounced it off of a tower into her hand.
In hindsight, I realize that I probably caused her a lot of stress while I took my time to reply. Thankfully, it was never an issue.
Soon we were exchanging a flurry of words that in the next week, likely exceeded the entire number of messages I had on my phone previously. Intellectually, we had opened the floodgates. Physically, however, we were like a glacier carving mountains.
I believe that this was the main problem: Our emotional and mental relationship was growing at a blazing rate, much too fast for either of us to overcome our physical barriers in pace. In the first two months, I think we had held hands once- and the hugs were in the single digits until mid-spring. Our vast desire for affection in the physical world, unsated, was painful for both of us. Eventually we reached an emotional high, and when we realized that the physical bond wasn't there, progress began to scale back to the same level. When the time came to leave for college, we both decided to go back to being friends (Albeit good ones. I still skype with her a fair amount.)
Presently, I am much more confident in myself. I will be wary about holding back when my feelings tell me to go- but this must also be reciprocal. Hopefully the relationship will not have gotten that far without both of us being on the same level.
Thank you for reading my little story, and I apologize if it is a bit jumbled. That's just how it translated.
Here's a little about my fem-friend: Before I really got to know her, she was always the expressionless person who I saw sitting in the back of the class (frequently near me) who drew doodles during lessons. She was usually quiet, but when we were with our group of friends playing games like 'Zombies' (a game I made up involving pool noodles, fingerdarts, darkness, and lots of brain munching), she became excited and spontaneous, beating down and consuming humans with a passion. I had her take the MBTI recently and she scored ENFJ. I have a feeling that the result is incorrect because I never saw her talking comfortably with any number of strangers, and she's not like my strongly ENFJ soul-brother whom I know very well. I don't yet know enough about other types to define her as one. I can only express my suspicion that she saw the test the wrong way.
Wow! That took a long time to write... I suppose pulling certain emotions from my head and writing about them for the first time does that to me. I kinda forgot about dinner!
I just recently had my first close relationship with someone. It was unique. Not sure what to say about it. It was an emotional ride. I loved being close to someone but it wasn't a great relationship. Not enough give and take. It was a first love although I'm not sure it was love. It taught me that I value personal relationships with continued contact more than most. I enjoy spending time with a loved one, enjoying their presence, uniqueness, and company. I realised that you don't fall in love with qualities, but with the person. That's the element which makes you stay with the person. But if they're not returning the love so to speak, then it's time to move on. You can can't carry on a relationship by yourself. I was too laid back, should've expected more.
There was Dre, who I dated twice. He was fun, immature, open-minded, quiet, passive,and off-the wall. We lasted until I started eighth grade; about 7 months total. Then there was Jordan, whom I puppeteered at my church with. He is probably ISFP, Passive, gentle, sweet, always surprised me with random gifts or flowers. We lasted eight months. Then there was David (ENTJ), whom I met at a funeral home. We connected quickly and were dating the following week. He was my first long distance relationship and we lasted about a year. And finally, Derrick whom I dated much of my freshman year/beginning of my sophomore year of high school, he was IXFP and ended up leaving me for my friend, and since then I have been single XD
With the exception of one, all of my boyfriends' names started with the letter D, and all were 2-syllable.
With the exception of one, all of my boyfriends' names started with the letter D, and all were 2-syllable.
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Yeah this sounds very familiar. I also love being close to people and appreciating the uniqueness of the relationship. It feels wonderful but I've come to realize that it's not enough for the long-term. So nice while it lasts though.
1- Ana - very dominant, model, perfectionist, winner, aggressive, hard nosed, opinionated, manipulative and a lot of repressed emotions. Lasted two months.
2- Jane Doe - Passive, dependent, quiet, cool, low maintenance, passive, sincere, low drama, first love, lack of self respect, sweet, dork, dirty minded, aloof. Lasted 21 months and still going...ish. Things are complicated at the moment as things have happened that have me doubting if our relationship can go any further.
I didn't date at all through high school and didn't go on my first date until my second year in college when a University soccer player asked me out. Then I had a string of dates much like this where it was maybe a date or two, but then I met Ana. She was a gorgeous model but like they say, looks aren't everything. She turned out to be a psycho, drug addict and alcoholic.
After her I went on again a string of a few dates. At the same time I met two girls one was Jane Doe and the other Cindy. Cindy was a university track and field athlete and we had some real fun dates but I just didn't feel a flame with her plus we had pretty big religious differences that would have made things difficult. Jane Doe on the other hand, I felt an immediate connection with. We shared stories and laughed and had a lot of intimate chemistry and so we became serious. She is really into the sciences and her personality really is unique. A bit of a loner who is distant but with me very emotional and dependent while being the exact opposite with everybody else. Pretty much that's it for my relationship experience.
2- Jane Doe - Passive, dependent, quiet, cool, low maintenance, passive, sincere, low drama, first love, lack of self respect, sweet, dork, dirty minded, aloof. Lasted 21 months and still going...ish. Things are complicated at the moment as things have happened that have me doubting if our relationship can go any further.
I didn't date at all through high school and didn't go on my first date until my second year in college when a University soccer player asked me out. Then I had a string of dates much like this where it was maybe a date or two, but then I met Ana. She was a gorgeous model but like they say, looks aren't everything. She turned out to be a psycho, drug addict and alcoholic.
After her I went on again a string of a few dates. At the same time I met two girls one was Jane Doe and the other Cindy. Cindy was a university track and field athlete and we had some real fun dates but I just didn't feel a flame with her plus we had pretty big religious differences that would have made things difficult. Jane Doe on the other hand, I felt an immediate connection with. We shared stories and laughed and had a lot of intimate chemistry and so we became serious. She is really into the sciences and her personality really is unique. A bit of a loner who is distant but with me very emotional and dependent while being the exact opposite with everybody else. Pretty much that's it for my relationship experience.
Female, seventeen, INFJ.
Had sort of...half a relationship before, he initiated it. We're friends. Were friends for a couple months beforehand. INTP. Didn't work out because I didn't actually like him, though I loved him as a friend, and I was a fucking mess at the time.
I've been with my girlfriend for a year now. She also made the first move. Best friends for three years before that. ENFP. Still going great. C:
Had sort of...half a relationship before, he initiated it. We're friends. Were friends for a couple months beforehand. INTP. Didn't work out because I didn't actually like him, though I loved him as a friend, and I was a fucking mess at the time.
I've been with my girlfriend for a year now. She also made the first move. Best friends for three years before that. ENFP. Still going great. C:
Not a single girlfriend, short(casual)/long term relationship but that has been my choice for now. Oh yeah and no sex either. Sex without a loving partner seems kind of bleh to me. Therefore, sex can go fuck it self for now.
When it comes to dating and dealing with relationships I’ve always thought of it this way: Know yourself
When it comes to dating and dealing with relationships I’ve always thought of it this way: Know yourself
Welcome to my dysfunctional relationships.
Joongi - on and off for years, first boyfriend. lasted 8~10 months before I left him. I still talk to him and we're good friends.
Hyun-chul - 3 months. he only wanted to date me because he thought americans were easy in bed (What he told me when he broke up with me. I was still a virgin and wouldn't sleep with him)
Suk-ho - 6 months. my sister's friend sent me a txt "he's mine now, wanna do something about it, then lets fight" somewhere along the lines of that. Thought it was stupid to fight over a guy who obviously didn't care for me.
Scott - 6 months. cheated on me with 20 girls in that time frame. including my close friends giving him sexual favors. I'm still friends with those girls... I just don't share my love life.
John - 8 months or so. Physically abused me. Cheated on me. Used me for money. Bad relationship. Left it when I finally stood up for myself.
Derrick - On and off for years. Found out after 5 months he was dating another girl at the same time. Got deployed, lost his leg, went to care for him. Decided he liked the swinger life. I didn't want that lifestyle, so I moved on. We're still friends.
Kris - 5 years. Emotional abuse. Grew apart. Only talk about the kids, or video games.
Green eyes - On and a pause. I needed time to find myself.
Joongi - on and off for years, first boyfriend. lasted 8~10 months before I left him. I still talk to him and we're good friends.
Hyun-chul - 3 months. he only wanted to date me because he thought americans were easy in bed (What he told me when he broke up with me. I was still a virgin and wouldn't sleep with him)
Suk-ho - 6 months. my sister's friend sent me a txt "he's mine now, wanna do something about it, then lets fight" somewhere along the lines of that. Thought it was stupid to fight over a guy who obviously didn't care for me.
Scott - 6 months. cheated on me with 20 girls in that time frame. including my close friends giving him sexual favors. I'm still friends with those girls... I just don't share my love life.
John - 8 months or so. Physically abused me. Cheated on me. Used me for money. Bad relationship. Left it when I finally stood up for myself.
Derrick - On and off for years. Found out after 5 months he was dating another girl at the same time. Got deployed, lost his leg, went to care for him. Decided he liked the swinger life. I didn't want that lifestyle, so I moved on. We're still friends.
Kris - 5 years. Emotional abuse. Grew apart. Only talk about the kids, or video games.
Green eyes - On and a pause. I needed time to find myself.
I've been with 3 women , sexually, two of which I totally regret, the last was my xwife and the only good thing that came from that were my twin boys. I would go through all the missery of being married to that women just to have my sons agian. Ive dated a few , all together I think i could count on one hand how many women I have kissed.