How many relationships have you been in?

[Sensiko]

I wasn't really interested in having a boyfriend in high school --I was WAY too involved in my own world. Sure I had a crush here and there, but it was more of the 'idea' of the crush that was interesting. I feel bad for the poor boys who did manage to speak two words to me because I'd end up running away before they could get those two words out. I dated in college starting around 18, but never anyone I was really attracted to. I think most guys thought I was unapproachable and I probably was (damned Great Wall)! I would hear that "so-and-so likes me from his friend, but was too scared to make the first move" deal a few too many times. When I was 21, I met my husband in class and he wouldn't shut up (extrovert all the way). It's funny because one of the first things out of his mouth was my all-time LEAST favorite line of questioning... "What are you, what's your nationality?!" He totally made an effort to get to know me and wasn't even phased by my Great Wall.

About a year into it he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. So we were then perpetually engaged for the next ten years because I was NOT into idea of 'getting married'. It rubbed me the wrong way until it hit me one day it that was because of my parent's messed-up relationship; not to mention the horror of having to plan the damn thing and having to entertain BOTH sides of our family! :::Instant panic attack::: Anyways, we weren't having kids and commitment is commitment. We finally did get married last year, the timing was right and we were both ready.

 

[Jill Hives]

I am 25 and married now. He was my 3rd serious boyfriend. My first "real" boyfriend in HS wasn't really serious, although I guess he was pretty serious about me. He told me he loved me. Pretty soon after that I broke up with him because it scared me off. So I guess you could say I've been in 4 actual relationships. But I don't really count the first as serious.

The other 2, other than my husband, were somewhat disastrous. >:[

 

[nyc bred]

There are some where I found them attractive first and then got to know them a little before I began dating. This took probably a couple of weeks. In both instances of "instant dating" (regardless of who pursued), I never felt I could totally be myself. Of course that was my choice, I just wanted them to like me ... so really, it wouldn't have worked out anyhow (I didn't realize this back then, being an INFJ can be lonely at times.)

In my friendships that developed into a romantic relationship it took between 6 months to a year. Like I said, there was never an intent to date ... it just gravitated that direction over time. A switch in my head? Hmm, I think after I got close with them I would start looking at them in a different light. You see, I don't choose to have many friends and with the friends I have there is mutual respect, trust and accepting of our differences. When a man steps into the picture and reciprocates those things my feelings would begin to change, especially when I sense there is good chemistry. I would wait a while before I let my feelings known, I suppose to see if I could sense they felt the same.

I honestly cannot get close to a man as a friend as a married woman (unless he is gay obviously.) I call it "damage control."

I see it from the other side too. I have had some male friends, where I only "liked" them as a friend. They probably did not know the whole me, but then they would develop an interest. Once that happened, I had to end the friendship. There is no backpedaling with me (I would think this would be the same if I were the initiator of the relationship as well ... and rejected.)

It may be possible that the "thinker" in you would pursue a relationship differently than a "feeler". There is never a "logical" time to begin a relationship with a friend, it just "feels" right. Do you feel the same or different?

Interesting, so what about the guys you were already close friends with before you got married? Did the friendship continue or change after your marriage?

As for me, I'm not really sure how I would pursue a relationship. I don't exactly have 'game', so whenever I would gain interest in a girl, I usually talked myself out of it whilst continuing the friendship. I actually got pretty good at that. My feelings are never known to the other party.

The INFJ friend that I referred to is the first in a long time that I have told how I felt because the constant thinking and analyzing was bothering me way too much, so I had to let it out. I had known her as an acquaintince for a year and a half, and recently gotten closer. It is only when my 'feelings' are overwhelming that I'll express it, otherwise I suppress it and try to continue with logic.

I'm not sure what "feels right" would mean since I've never had a relationship, so I wouldn't be able to tell when something works or clicks that makes it 'feel right'. I'm guessing I would lean towards the logical though since I did ask you for a time frame of friendship to relationship. I seem to always want solid facts so I can base my knowledge on a point of reference but I've learned that's not how relationships work...

Buck up man! If you ask out every gal in a room (not all at once) the INFJs are bound to a least give you courtesy dates just to avoid hurting your feelings which will provide settings for you to learn and grow. When they don't want second dates be honest with them, ask them to please tell you, perhaps in a letter (less threatening for them), what they think you should work on in the future. Thank them and get to work. Some things are as simple as learning boundaries, better grooming, being a better listener est. Put yourself on the chopping block often. It hurts but there are some things that can only be learned through risk and experience. Wishing you the best. Good luck.

Lol um, baby steps. I can't bring myself to ask out someone I'm not the least bit interested in. Every gal I come across in my daily life is just another face no matter how hot she is. I just kind of idle by until someone catches my attention.

Not to be mean, but even the INFJ friend I fell for wasn't exactly good looking. I just wanted someone to talk to in class for the semester, and was thinking we'd never talk again after it ended. That was almost two years ago. It's her mind that caught my interest, not her looks. But she became infinitely more attractive to me after I was able to prod around her thoughts a bit.

 

[Sriracha]

[MENTION=4617]nyc bred[/MENTION]

Interesting, so what about the guys you were already close friends with before you got married? Did the friendship continue or change after your marriage?

I only had one male friend before marriage. Close? Ummm, yes and no. I think I only allow myself to be vulnerable to a man where I had an interest in the relationship going further. So with this one male friend, he did not know "all" of me ... like my best of girlfriends. The guard was there b/c I'm certain he would have actively pursued me. I always kept him at a safe distance b/c I didn't want more (he was "safe" b/c I was not even remotely attracted to him, nor were any girls. He was quite feminine. Gay? Could be, but too devoutly Christian to lead that lifestyle or to admit it.) I moved out of state and lost touch with him for many years. I just recently reconnected with him on FB. He'll always be a "friend", but no longer a "close friend."

Let me put it this way. It was always near to impossible for me to ever have a close friendship with a male without someone wanting it to be more (whether it was wanted or not.)

I can't help you with the "feeling" part. It may be that thinkers love with their head and feelers love with their heart. IDK. Thinkers think that making decisions based on feelings are absurd for the most part. It's not logical. It is difficult to see eye to eye in this respect. How close are you to this girl? Has she given you any cues she is interested? What are her mannerisms toward you?

 

[nyc bred]

[MENTION=4617]nyc bred[/MENTION]



I only had one male friend before marriage. Close? Ummm, yes and no. I think I only allow myself to be vulnerable to a man where I had an interest in the relationship going further. So with this one male friend, he did not know "all" of me ... like my best of girlfriends. The guard was there b/c I'm certain he would have actively pursued me. I always kept him at a safe distance b/c I didn't want more (he was "safe" b/c I was not even remotely attracted to him, nor were any girls. He was quite feminine. Gay? Could be, but too devoutly Christian to lead that lifestyle or to admit it.) I moved out of state and lost touch with him for many years. I just recently reconnected with him on FB. He'll always be a "friend", but no longer a "close friend."

I'm curious what you mean by know 'all' of you, did you guys share your past? childhood? problems? joys? goals? etc?

Let me put it this way. It was always near to impossible for me to ever have a close friendship with a male without someone wanting it to be more (whether it was wanted or not.)

I hear you on that, I've always tried to avoid friendships with females because one of us would fall for the other and make things complicated. I'm slowly trying to change that, I'm sure it can't hurt to have a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

I can't help you with the "feeling" part. It may be that thinkers love with their head and feelers love with their heart. IDK. Thinkers think that making decisions based on feelings are absurd for the most part. It's not logical. It is difficult to see eye to eye in this respect. How close are you to this girl? Has she given you any cues she is interested? What are her mannerisms toward you?

I already talked to her about it, and she sees us as just friends. Not sad, heartbroken, or anything like that, just glad I got it off my chest and I know how she feels so I can move on.

I'd say we are fairly close. This will make me look bad but we've gotten closer after her and her boyfriend broke up. When they were together, I kept her as an acquaintance despite her many efforts to try to get me to go out with her, her ex, and their friends. We now hang out 1 on 1 mostly. She let me crash at her crib during hurricane Irene. When we talk online it goes on for 2+ hours. We'll send random texts to each other every now and then about things that catch our attention or pictures we think the other would be amused by. We've had long face to face conversations just sitting in the car telling each other about our childhood, the good and the bad, our family, our 'feelings' as a kid, experiences, and so much more. She knows a lot of things about me that even some of my closest friends of 15 years don't know and vice versa.

Funny how after we cleared up how we felt, we have gotten even closer.
Usually if I liked a girl and she didn't like me back, or she liked me and I didn't like her, I would proceed to cut her out of my life. This girl is the only one I will actively try to keep contact with because I value her friendship too much. Don't worry, I won't become THAT guy that secretly pines over the girl thinking my friendship will eventually turn to a relationship. I know myself well enough to know I can proceed with the friendship while killing the romantic feelings in the process.

I could never understand acting on emotion...I'm just not wired like that. I need a little time to process the information, come up with various results of ways things could end up before I make a decision...needless to say, this does not help in the love department.

 

[nyc bred]

I am 25 and married now. He was my 3rd serious boyfriend. My first "real" boyfriend in HS wasn't really serious, although I guess he was pretty serious about me. He told me he loved me. Pretty soon after that I broke up with him because it scared me off. So I guess you could say I've been in 4 actual relationships. But I don't really count the first as serious.

The other 2, other than my husband, were somewhat disastrous. >:[

Hmm...disastrous how? Did you at least learn something from each one?

1.) Kyliee
2.) Ayla
3.) Jamie
4.) Sandy
5.) Amber
6.) Ariana
7.) Heather
8.) Nicole
9.) Ashley H
10.) Krystal
11.) Nikki
12.) Muffy
13.) Desaree
14.) Hayden
15.) Crystal
16.) Sallie
17.) Natialie
18.) Gina
19.) Sydney
20.) Riley
21.) Michelle

21 1/2 it seems. though I can't say those were all serious so to speak, many of them I was very young and only lasted a few weeks. It was an interesting ride though.

So....not counting the ones where you weren't even a teenager yet and the ones that lasted less than a week, how many would you say you had? Because 21 is a very high number...I was thinking more of 'real' relationships.

Actually, technically, I messaged him first ...We were on-and-off friends for a good year (he had some former relationship complications to sort out, and lived 2 hours away). But then he was the one who actually asked me on that first date.... we took it slow and cautious at first. And there were many many wall-of-text e-mails and chats and such in-between times we saw one another in person (read: on the weekends). These visits became EVERY weekend and then started to extend out into the week... and this happened for a good 6 months... and we were set for the next step, which was, for us, moving in together. I would say it was the experience of living together (2 years worth) that really cemented our bond and told us the marrying the other was a Really Good Idea (TM) =P. And thus we did (about 6 months ago from present). It's been an amazing journey and it just keeps getting better.

I was waiting for 'the one' in a sense, yes. And when I finally came out of my shell enough to start looking, it was with the intent of finding that life partner. Similarly, he was at a point in his search and life where he wanted -and was ready for- the same. (As obvious as it seems: it REALLY helps when you are both looking for the same thing in that regard. It also helps if you are at the same point/stage in life.)

Glad it worked out for you. So with the quoted experience, do you believe in "love finds you when you're not looking"? Just curious.

I can honestly say that though I've technically 'been in a relationship' a couple of times, I've never really gotten to know the people I dated (online), and they never really got to get to know me.

It's probably been about four years or so now since my last relationship. I'm happy on my own, I guess. I don't have to worry about someone coming home and taking a big emotional dump on my day.

I do sometimes wonder if it'd be nice to have someone to share activities with. Like.. see a movie, do a puzzle, or something.

But if it doesn't happen, I'm alright with that. I'm happy on my own. Stable.

Doesn't it get lonely at times? I know I'm pretty content with my life, and my friends often see me/describe me as the 'not giving a fuck type' but honestly, it does bother me once in a while. And once it bothers me, it hits hard, and when I think about it, I get the feeling of my heart sinking. It usually goes away in less than 24 hours. I don't let my friends know how I feel about this. The only fear I have is that one day everything I've suppressed will explode when I least expect it. I do not like ceasing control of myself.

 

[This]

So....not counting the ones where you weren't even a teenager yet and the ones that lasted less than a week, how many would you say you had? Because 21 is a very high number...I was thinking more of 'real' relationships.

None lasted less than a week, all lasted at least 2 or 3 and all were past the age of 12 or 13 What do you consider "real"? Most of my relationships have been short that doesn't mean that they weren't real at the time. My longest relationship was 2 years. Not sure what the parameters of what you are looking for are.

 

[aeon]

I was going to give a number but then I read:

My definition would be two people that are exclusive to each other making progress towards the future.

Based on this, I

 

[magister343]

I've never had a real girlfriend. During all my teenage years I was hopelessly in love with a certain girl who used to go to my church, and never really gave anyone else a chance. I think there were three or four girls that asked me out in high school (the first of whom was one of the most attractive girls at the school), but I turned them down.

I came closest to having a girlfriend at a 6 week summer program between junior and senior year of high school, a couple months after a devastating rejection from my first love. (At that time I was really only looking for closure, but did not handle myself well when overcome by the thought that I would never see or hear from her again. We're good friends now.) This girl and I spent a lot of time together and shared a pretty obvious mutual attraction, but I wasn't really ready to move on yet and didn't want it to be a rebound thing. We never had an official date or kissed or anything, but did share a rather passionate hug while saying good bye and promising to keep in touch. I supidly didn't contact her until 2 months after the program ended, and she has not contacted me in the 6 years since unless you count accepting a friend request on myspace and facebook. (From a date on one facebook photo it appears that she met the man she ended up marrying about 2 days before I finally sent the email.)



The only girl I've clearly expressed my feelings for and asked out rejected me one year and 4 days ago today. She said that she only thought of me as a friend, but that the main reason for the rejection was simply bad timing. She was way too busy studying for the LSAT, and planning to leave town soon. At the end of the next month she moved back home to Chicago, and then in January moved to South Korea to teach English for a year. (I strongly suspect that she would have accepted had I made my move three years earlier, a couple months after we first met.)

 

[barbad0s]

6
shortest 2 months, longest 2 years
i initiated half
half of these were infjs lol

 

[DevilDoll]

I have been in quite a few relationships, but the only one that matters is the one I am currently in. He makes the rest of them feel like dreams (or nightmares in some cases).

 

[Sriracha]

I'm curious what you mean by know 'all' of you, did you guys share your past? childhood? problems? joys? goals? etc?

[video=youtube;kZnztwiWZo4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZnztwiWZo4[/video]

When i think about it, "all of me" implies a deeper connection with the other. For me, it is a feeling ... not a thinking thing. You know when you are in love and you feel that tingle in your heart? It almost feels like the same as a panic attack or sense of urgency ... but it is actually the opposite, a very positive and healing feeling (and probably not as intense). This connection provides security I need in a relationship, it enables me to understand my partner better. It is a reciprocative energy between two that is very difficult to describe. This same energy during love making is just WOW ... like the dreams when you can fly.

For example, obviously I love and adore both my sons. My chemistry between the two are very different. My youngest son is an ENFP and since he was a baby I could feel this reciprocative energy. It is so much that if I close my eyes and take a deep breath, when I exhale ... I can feel this energy going out of my fingertips. I can feel that he reciprocates it ... like a revolving door. It's like if he sits with me, our heart beats as one. My other ISTJ son does not reciprocate at all. It's funny, b/c I will sit with him and try ... but there is nothing.

My best friend recently told me he had this same dynamic with her two sons, same exact scenario. She felt horrible describing it, b/c you don't want to sound as though you don't love them equally ... it's just your chemistry is different. Same goes for you and your parents. I know I was closer to my father than my mother, and my mother was closer to my brother ... but she loved us equally.

I have this same feeling when I meditate or pray. When I am praying for someone ... and use visual technique. Visualize the person, deep breath of pure air in and exhale negative and then I visualize that this person is breathing in the same manner ... feeling the positive energy. It is healing.

This is life force. Without it I'm a robot.

 

[Relm]

Glad it worked out for you. So with the quoted experience, do you believe in "love finds you when you're not looking"? Just curious.

Yes and no.... I believe that you have to do your part insofar as getting yourself out there where a potential love can find you. I also think that it's very important that you be at a point and peace with yourself where you are able to have a healthy relationship. But I do feel like there is only so much you can do and sometimes it is just being willing and open and ready to respond positively to what comes along. =)

 

[nyc bred]

When i think about it, "all of me" implies a deeper connection with the other. For me, it is a feeling ... not a thinking thing. You know when you are in love and you feel that tingle in your heart? It almost feels like the same as a panic attack or sense of urgency ... but it is actually the opposite, a very positive and healing feeling (and probably not as intense). This connection provides security I need in a relationship, it enables me to understand my partner better. It is a reciprocative energy between two that is very difficult to describe. This same energy during love making is just WOW ... like the dreams when you can fly.

For example, obviously I love and adore both my sons. My chemistry between the two are very different. My youngest son is an ENFP and since he was a baby I could feel this reciprocative energy. It is so much that if I close my eyes and take a deep breath, when I exhale ... I can feel this energy going out of my fingertips. I can feel that he reciprocates it ... like a revolving door. It's like if he sits with me, our heart beats as one. My other ISTJ son does not reciprocate at all. It's funny, b/c I will sit with him and try ... but there is nothing.

My best friend recently told me he had this same dynamic with her two sons, same exact scenario. She felt horrible describing it, b/c you don't want to sound as though you don't love them equally ... it's just your chemistry is different. Same goes for you and your parents. I know I was closer to my father than my mother, and my mother was closer to my brother ... but she loved us equally.

I have this same feeling when I meditate or pray. When I am praying for someone ... and use visual technique. Visualize the person, deep breath of pure air in and exhale negative and then I visualize that this person is breathing in the same manner ... feeling the positive energy. It is healing.

This is life force. Without it I'm a robot.

Aww man...so it is true what they say about INTJ's. I'm a robot. (sad face)

 

[Sriracha]

Aww man...so it is true what they say about INTJ's. I'm a robot. (sad face)

Turn your frown upside down. I think you have to remember that the INFJ type is the minority and others may view relationships with us as "complex". There are so many other people out there, and you will probably find someone with the same perception of relationship and connection. It NEVER means that you cannot develop more of your "feeling" skill, but you have to want to do it.

I'm beginning to wonder if it is better for feelers to stick with feelers and thinkers to stick with thinkers. A feeler and a thinker can compliment each other if they both develop more of the other skill.

 

[Relm]

nods [MENTION=4423]Sriracha[/MENTION] That's a good description of how emotional energy feels =)

Aww man...so it is true what they say about INTJ's. I'm a robot. (sad face)

My husband jokes about this... To me it isn't true in the least, it's more that comparatively INTJs show less emotion, etc, than many other types. I think it is more that he "feels" in a different way. No less strong or deep, just different (as with many things, it is hard to sense exactly how the word is through another's eyes or heart) and masked better. It's less visceral than the way that we INFJs do.

 

[udremeei]

Doesn't it get lonely at times? I know I'm pretty content with my life, and my friends often see me/describe me as the 'not giving a fuck type' but honestly, it does bother me once in a while. And once it bothers me, it hits hard, and when I think about it, I get the feeling of my heart sinking. It usually goes away in less than 24 hours. I don't let my friends know how I feel about this. The only fear I have is that one day everything I've suppressed will explode when I least expect it. I do not like ceasing control of myself.

I've only been lonely a few times- when I was in my late teens (I'm 21 now...)- and it was a crippling, world-shattering kind of loneliness which was exacerbated by the fact that I knew that even if I *were* around a person I'd like to talk to, I might not be able to interact with them in a way that would counteract the loneliness. I'm always concerned that I'll find out that I'm not what they're expecting.

More recently, though, I haven't been lonely. It helps that for the first time, I've got room-mates with whom I am friends. (Two friends at once. That's something incredible for me.) I wouldn't know where to take a relationship if I ever got in one seriously, and the uncertainty of that makes me uncomfortable.

So, I avoid it altogether. I haven't had crippling loneliness in about four years now, and I'm happier, on an even keel.

Kind of funny to think, but I guess getting a dog has also helped. So, three friends. Three friends, I've got.

I don't think I'd know what to do, honestly, if a person suddenly took interest in me. Awkward. ...I'm glad in a way that no one has.

Do you have pets?

 

[GracieRuth]

I am interpreting your question as meaning where we considered marriage, so that would be three men, my ex and two others, I'm 50 now. I'm not into cohabiting or fuck buddies or friends with benefits--my dream is to find someone I can grow old with.

My assumption is that either there is chemistry or there is not. Men know when they find a woman attractive. If I'm sending out signals to a guy that I'm open, and he doesn't act on it, I should forget about him. He might be gay, or maybe he just thinks I'm ugly, but it's not worth my pushing it. ONCE I did push it, and ended up finding out the guy was eroticaly attracted to women using high heels to squish grapes. If by any chance a man IS attracted to me, and too scared to pursue me, why would I want a wuss like that? My strategy is simply to be the best, most attractive, quality woman that I can be, and this will attract quality men. So if I've dated less, I look on it like I've wasted less time on losers.

At your age, and our day and age, there are many who like you have never had a relationship, so consider yourself quite normal. Now, if you WANT a relationship (after all, your age is the most common age to look for marriage partners) then create a "relationship friendly" environment. First, be the kind of person that others will find attractive -- take care of your appearances, find stable work so that you can afford a relationship, get out of debt, and resolve any "issues" that your carrying so that you don't dump on others. Second: find places and events that will be sure to include the type you are interested in. If you like artsy fartsy sorts, go to concerts, museums, take up the guitar or something. If you like spiritual sorts, look for a congregation that has a lot of single women. Don't be afraid to use the sort of dating services that prescreen -- dating services are simply the 21st century version of the time honored shidduch (matchmaking) which help weed out the frogs. Above all, enjoy the search. Remember: LIFE is wonderful, Gender X is wonderful, and YOU are wonderful.

 

[Relm]

I'm beginning to wonder if it is better for feelers to stick with feelers and thinkers to stick with thinkers. A feeler and a thinker can compliment each other if they both develop more of the other skill.

This!

I would say that both my husband and I have grown tremendously in our time with one another. He's became more sensitive and expressive, I've gained a better rein on my negative emotions and learned how to communicate more like a grown-up when I'm upset =P. On the purely positive side, I tend to make him more fun and happy outwardly (where he formerly would have been more reserved and serious) and he tends to calm me down and ground me and help me listen to my logic-side.

 

[nyc bred]

Turn your frown upside down. I think you have to remember that the INFJ type is the minority and others may view relationships with us as "complex". There are so many other people out there, and you will probably find someone with the same perception of relationship and connection. It NEVER means that you cannot develop more of your "feeling" skill, but you have to want to do it.

I'm beginning to wonder if it is better for feelers to stick with feelers and thinkers to stick with thinkers. A feeler and a thinker can compliment each other if they both develop more of the other skill.

I'll admit, I half want to develop the F and half don't. But how does one go about developing the F? I was always taught that 'feeling' was a bad thing. If I cried, got angry, or even yelled in happiness as a child, I was punished. Even now when I watch those movies that tug at your heart strings, sure I feel bad, but I don't show it like my friends do. I just kind of have that blank expression as I deal with it internally.

A year ago, I had a girl that liked me who was an F. She literally cried at every. little. thing. I couldn't take it. She called me sobbing once because she got locked out of her home while the sun was still out. It took a lot of convincing to get her to relax and just wait for her parents to get home.

On the other hand, I don't think I've ever fallen for a thinker.

My husband jokes about this... To me it isn't true in the least, it's more that comparatively INTJs show less emotion, etc, than many other types. I think it is more that he "feels" in a different way. No less strong or deep, just different (as with many things, it is hard to sense exactly how the word is through another's eyes or heart) and masked better. It's less visceral than the way that we INFJs do.

Sometimes I think our 'mask' does more harm than good.

So, I avoid it altogether. I haven't had crippling loneliness in about four years now, and I'm happier, on an even keel.

Kind of funny to think, but I guess getting a dog has also helped. So, three friends. Three friends, I've got.

I don't think I'd know what to do, honestly, if a person suddenly took interest in me. Awkward. ...I'm glad in a way that no one has.

Do you have pets?

Well I've never had a problem making friends. They come and go, but the ones that stick around I'm fairly close to. My closest friends consists of people I went to middle school with (I'm 23 now).

No pets, but I already decided to get a dog the first chance I get (aka move out).

I am interpreting your question as meaning where we considered marriage, so that would be three men, my ex and two others, I'm 50 now. I'm not into cohabiting or fuck buddies or friends with benefits--my dream is to find someone I can grow old with.

At your age, and our day and age, there are many who like you have never had a relationship, so consider yourself quite normal. Now, if you WANT a relationship (after all, your age is the most common age to look for marriage partners) then create a "relationship friendly" environment. First, be the kind of person that others will find attractive -- take care of your appearances, find stable work so that you can afford a relationship, get out of debt, and resolve any "issues" that your carrying so that you don't dump on others. Second: find places and events that will be sure to include the type you are interested in. If you like artsy fartsy sorts, go to concerts, museums, take up the guitar or something. If you like spiritual sorts, look for a congregation that has a lot of single women. Don't be afraid to use the sort of dating services that prescreen -- dating services are simply the 21st century version of the time honored shidduch (matchmaking) which help weed out the frogs. Above all, enjoy the search. Remember: LIFE is wonderful, Gender X is wonderful, and YOU are wonderful.

Well I wasn't talking about the idea of moving towards marriage, just someone you were with that reciprocated your feelings to the point that you saw them in your future. That's it. It could be even less than that, the only thing I wouldn't consider a relationship is fuck buddies or a casual fling.

Sometimes I think I do want a relationship, then other times I don't, it fluctuates a lot. I try to take care of myself. I'm starting to go back to the gym again, my clothes aren't exactly terrible (imo), and I've never had debt. Always been pretty good at managing my money. And yes, I do have a job, looking towards finding something better (that I actually enjoy). The one problem that sticks out the most is my confidence in the dating/relationship part of life. To put it simply, as you said, I'm a wuss.

I always wondered why the INFJ friend was so encouraging and supportive in our conversations, even when I didn't do anything. IE: "You're a very capable person, you deserved it (job raise), you can do anything!" and so on. I guess it's not just her, but thanks.

This!

I would say that both my husband and I have grown tremendously in our time with one another. He's became more sensitive and expressive, I've gained a better rein on my negative emotions and learned how to communicate more like a grown-up when I'm upset =P. On the purely positive side, I tend to make him more fun and happy outwardly (where he formerly would have been more reserved and serious) and he tends to calm me down and ground me and help me listen to my logic-side.

That's good! But how exactly did he develop his F side? Or did you just happen to rub off on him eventually?