How long does it take you to get over a relationship?

[Orion]

Bingo.

One of the reasons (not the only one, of course) I never get over anybody is because I feel so embarrassed that I got played.

Yeah, when I look back it's so painful because It's just so... ridiculous. I cringe at my misguided, spastic self. Sometimes I can't look my best friend in the eyes, because he's the only one who knows all about it. He must be thinking- "What a sad idiot"

 

[Lynn]

Aw Yield you are really hard on yourself, even for an INFJ lol. I completely understand though hating the feeling that someone you are close to is judging you for knowing too much. But as anyone else would probably point out, you may be making it worse than it actually is in your mind. I think your best friend really cares about you and would never judge you like that.

 

[Orion]

Even if you subtract the 'perceiving it worse' factor that I put on it down from 100 points, you'd still be left with a level 70. Which is still thoroughly horrific and embarrassing.

 

[Lynn]

I know Yield but is it truly impossible for us to find someone who doesn't judge us as much as we pretend they do? I hope not. :/

 

[Orion]

I know Yield but is it truly impossible for us to find someone who doesn't judge us as much as we pretend they do? I hope not. :/

Well, who cares? Me thinking someone is judging me is something I'm used to, it doesn't really affect the way I am to them. I guess they'd have to be the kind of person who is very open and verbalises how they feel often so we don't make negative assumptions after periods of time.

 

[Lynn]

What do you mean it doesn't affect the way you are to them? You just told me you can't look your best friend in the eye sometimes because he knows too much. And well..I care. That's why I am here.

 

[Ria]

I don't know if I've ever gotten over anyone I ever committed to. Once I love someone, I always love them. I am usually able to be friends with them, but I always love them just as much. I have friends that I am still very much in love with. But, once I've found someone new, it stops hurting because the needs that stopped being met are fulfilled again.

That said, I've found that it usually takes me a few years to get functional enough to be in a relationship with someone else, regardless of how long the relationship lasted. It's not a question of duration. It's a matter of investment. I think NFJs save up, save up, and save up, then invest it all when we finally meet our special someone. When the investment fails, we've lost everything, and it takes time to save all that back up again.

What gives me the most release from the pain until I am functional is finding someone else to want to be with, and focus on being with them. Somehow it fills the void of the needs that are no longer being met by the one who stopped meeting them. For us NFJs rebounding is more a case of wanting to be with someone than actually being with them. Maybe in this analogy, it starts us saving up again, rather than continuing to make payments on the interest of a bad investment.

For sure...wipes eyes a little...

 

[Tulip]

It depends on how deeply involved you are in the relationship and how badly the relationship ended. The deeper your hurt is the longer it takes for you to get over it.

First love is the worst, especially if it ended badly...

 

[Orion]

What do you mean it doesn't affect the way you are to them? You just told me you can't look your best friend in the eye sometimes because he knows too much. And well..I care. That's why I am here.

I mean, if it's someone you love- a girlfriend/boyfriend- then you know they care about you and you can ease up on that feeling of "Shit, that's what they think about me". Whereas with a friend, well, he's a friend. Not sure how much of one any more though.

 

[Stefd]

Finally, I found a forum where I feel understood. It takes me forever to get over someone. The hardest part is accepting that I fell for someone who turned out not to be "the one." Because it takes me so much anguish, so much soul searching, and so much time (as in years) to get over them, I get pretty resentful about all the years I am losing because during that time my heart's not open to meeting anyone else. I never wanted to be flying solo for so long, but yet I am bc I can't get over my past.

 

[CindyLou]

It takes me forever to leave someone. Forever to get out. Once that happens I'm over the relationship immediately.

 

[Vicarious]

Every word on this thread is true. My heart was broken in 2001. I am still not over it. I am over the woman, we are on good terms, she wasn't right for me.

And yet...

This makes me sad. I really had no idea he was still having trouble getting over that particular relationship. I really liked her and still remain in contact with her from time to time on Facebook. Funny enough, we both entered the same profession (she's a nurse, too). She was good to him and our family, but was a bit spoiled and high maintenance so I can understand why he felt she wasn't right for him. If I remember right, she did attend his funeral, so that was nice.

 

[Pin]

Honestly, all I have ever felt was infatuation. I actually don't get too attached easily.

It was hard for me to get over women when I was younger but now my attitude is different. I presume that the better I get, the better quality women I will meet. I get sad sometimes but then I just get happy.

When I get better, things get better.

 

[flower]

It has taken almost 3-4 years to get over my previous relationship. I don't fall in love easily but I do get crushes easily, lol. If I fall in love, I do fall in love quite hard.. My ex cheated on me so it has taken it's own time to heal.

 

[JennyDaniella]

It has taken almost 3-4 years to get over my previous relationship. I don't fall in love easily but I do get crushes easily, lol. If I fall in love, I do fall in love quite hard.. My ex cheated on me so it has taken it's own time to heal.

I’m so sorry flower that you had to go through that. My deepest condolences...

Getting over a separation is hard enough, but even more so when the person you thought you could trust and cherish goes behind your back.

Eventually you will find that one person who will treat you with the love, loyalty and respect you deserve. <3

 

[flower]

I’m so sorry flower that you had to go through that. My deepest condolences...

Getting over a separation is hard enough, but even more so when the person you thought you could trust and cherish goes behind your back.

Eventually you will find that one person who will treat you with the love, loyalty and respect you deserve. <3

Thank you, Jenny. <3

He was my first and only boyfriend I've ever had... We broke up 2015. We were in a long distance relationship so I guess it was easier for him to cheat but cheating can happen even if the couple would live together. Maybe I was just naive that anyone could really love me... Dunno. It hurt like hell and still hurts sometimes. Breakups are already very painful by itself like you said, so it was extra painful. ;__;

I really really hope so! I don't want to purposely search for it though. It will happen if it's meant to be. <3 I've no idea how I'm gonna find a childfree partner to be honest. Most people want children at some point of their life. I guess that will just make it more special to find someone who is childfree as well. ^-^

 

[G4RiiM]

It has taken almost 3-4 years to get over my previous relationship. I don't fall in love easily but I do get crushes easily, lol. If I fall in love, I do fall in love quite hard.. My ex cheated on me so it has taken it's own time to heal.

thats messed up.. iknow all about falling in love too easy and too hard. Isnt the first love often the worst? surely ull find someone, your a beautiful flower after all.

 

[flower]

thats messed up.. iknow all about falling in love too easy and too hard. Isnt the first love often the worst? surely ull find someone, your a beautiful flower after all.

Yup... Very bad luck with love. It definitely has left some scars but I've moved on and deserve someone better. ^-^ Aw thank you, I really hope so.

 

[sassafras]

It has taken almost 3-4 years to get over my previous relationship. I don't fall in love easily but I do get crushes easily, lol. If I fall in love, I do fall in love quite hard.. My ex cheated on me so it has taken it's own time to heal.

It's hard to come back from a betrayal like that. It stays with you for years. I don't understand why people do shit like that. .

You deserve the world, @flower I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Thank you, Jenny. <3

He was my first and only boyfriend I've ever had... We broke up 2015. We were in a long distance relationship so I guess it was easier for him to cheat but cheating can happen even if the couple would live together. Maybe I was just naive that anyone could really love me... Dunno. It hurt like hell and still hurts sometimes. Breakups are already very painful by itself like you said, so it was extra painful. ;__;

I really really hope so! I don't want to purposely search for it though. It will happen if it's meant to be. <3 I've no idea how I'm gonna find a childfree partner to be honest. Most people want children at some point of their life. I guess that will just make it more special to find someone who is childfree as well. ^-^

Oh my goodness, my darling you are not naive for thinking anyone could love you. You just had an unlucky spin. We've all have those (I've had a few myself) and I'm convinced its almost a necessity sometimes because it teaches us what to look out for and makes us better partners to the people we do end up spending our lives with. And people cheat for all sorts of reasons, but it rarely has anything to do with your partner. It's entirely a self-esteem thing... which isn't your responsibility to fix. A betrayal is a betrayal. I'm glad you put that behind you and you're healing.

I'm in the same boat, relationship-wise. It's been a while since I've had a long term relationship and I'm getting to an age where almost everyone has kids. But I'm confident both you and I will find what we're looking for. The world is so much more connected these days and as we get older, we're also dealing with people who are wiser and have a better idea of what and who they want to be.

Don't you ever doubt that you're something wonderful, love. That was entirely that dude's loss, not yours.

 

[flower]

It's hard to come back from a betrayal like that. It stays with you for years. I don't understand why people do shit like that. .

You deserve the world, @flower I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Oh my goodness, my darling you are not naive for thinking anyone could love you. You just had an unlucky spin. We've all have those (I've had a few myself) and I'm convinced its almost a necessity sometimes because it teaches us what to look out for and makes us better partners to the people we do end up spending our lives with. And people cheat for all sorts of reasons, but it rarely has anything to do with your partner. It's entirely a self-esteem thing... which isn't your responsibility to fix. A betrayal is a betrayal. I'm glad you put that behind you and you're healing.

I'm in the same boat, relationship-wise. It's been a while since I've had a long term relationship and I'm getting to an age where almost everyone has kids. But I'm confident both you and I will find what we're looking for. The world is so much more connected these days and as we get older, we're also dealing with people who are wiser and have a better idea of what and who they want to be.

Don't you ever doubt that you're something wonderful, love. That was entirely that dude's loss, not yours.

Yes, it's very hard. With my background with years of bullying in the school, it's very hard for me to trust people yet when someone does something so unforgivable and hurtful like cheating, I've now even more difficult time to trust sometimes. I feel like people just act nice towards me but in the inside... Maybe hate me? I know it's not true, just silly mind again (plus history with bullying ><). You're so sweet for saying that, I really appreciate it!

Very unlucky, yup... I've not thought about it in that way before. Maybe those previous bad experiences with people and love just shows us how to truly be a better human being and especially what not to do in a relationship, so it can grow and glow healthily! <3 I've no idea why he did what he did... It made me feel so betrayed and unlovable. Why to be with me if not wanting to be with me? I have so many questions and those questions will never be answered so I can only guess why. I've never cried so much in my whole life (except when my mom was in the hospital, almost dying but that's another story ;__; ) when he told me that he was seeing someone else for almost the whole time we were together! Like whaaaat?! I feel like the whole relationship, all his words, all his smiles, hugs, kisses... All were just one huge lie. I'm healing though and I don't deserve a person like that in my life. I deserve someone (as we all do), who respects me, has honesty, can be trusted but most of the all is someone who truly cares for me.

Yessss! We both will find the Special someone!! <3 We don't know when, but that day will come surely! Mister, where are yoouuuuu.... lol. When we get older, we usually know better what we want in life, so it's all good. I hope you will find the right person someday and I'm sure you will!