How I mistook myself for an INFJ | INFJ Forum

How I mistook myself for an INFJ

slant

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ISTPs and INFJs, from first glance, are completely different. Well, actually, they are completely different. But there are some similar ways of handling things that can easily make an ISTP an INFJ. Which is how I came across this forum.

1. Feeling ‘Different’
I’m surrounded by NF types, so to me, the feeling of being ‘different’ was strong. I also just like things that are different and exotic, I’ll always try something new, I view life as exciting.

2. Needing Space
I’ve often heard INFJs talk about how they’ll be involved with their friends and suddenly stop talking to them and get really introverted. I do the exact same thing, except with the INFJs it seems that they get a bit depressed because they were ‘drained’ and for me it just happens. It’s something I’ve always done, since I’m accustomed to being a loner and I feel like I always need to clear my mind from socialization, quite frequently.

3. Having only a few close friends
This is introvert at work. Most of my life I haven’t had a close friend, but when I grew into teenage hood I developed some new ties and have kept them. I identify with ‘the longer you have a friend, the more you value them’, even if someone with a better personality comes along I’ll usually invest in the person who’s been there the longest. I don’t know why, it’s just how it is. Like INFJs, it takes a long time for me to make friends that I feel are close because I don’t ‘open up’. The main difference is that I will usually never open up. I’m always holding a sliver of myself back, not purposely- mainly because I answer questions that are asked and since nobody asks the information is never spilled.

4. Just ‘knowing’ things
Yes, although I despise those who ‘just know things’, I used to think I had this skill as well. But the strong use of N is so different from S, you say! How could you possibly mistake yourself as an N rather than your strong running blood S? I’m the master at reading people. Unlike INFJs, however, I always used to use ‘tools’. Astrology was a good one. Using generalities normally got people the results they wanted, where they would respond ‘you know me so well!’ or ‘oh my god, that’s so freaky, how did you know how I felt about that?’. I also would bank of off previous things they had said and simply rephrase them, making it my own statement when it had originally been them who said it. My mom and sister happen to be NFP’s, so they would tell me tips and hints about how they thought the people felt while bickering to each other about my friends, and then I’d go repeat the words to my friend as my own insight.

5. Emotional Depth
Yes, I have emotions. Especially when under stress. I used to mistake the emotions I felt as the emotional depth of INFJs since I was under so much stress, I was out of control. I’d feel the need to inform people of my every feeling, and later, notice that I was just spitting words and that’s not how I felt. The truth is, I never really know how I feel and that’s why I avoid saying anything. I don’t like to contradict myself. There would be times when I’d be hanging out with friends in which I’d feel physically sick and then I’d break away from the group, but could never for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Later, after telling my mother and sister about it, they’d usually come to a conclusion I agreed upon: I didn’t like how so and so was using me to make so and so jealous, so and so’s comments hurt your feelings but you didn’t want to say anything about it, etc.

6. Strong Feelings
I also do get extremely strong feelings about people, like Rachelle, but the only difference is, they don’t last. One day I’ll be absolutely mad and deeply obsessed with her, and the next day I wouldn’t care if she dropped dead. This makes it easy for me to relate to ENTP’s who claim to be romantic but fall in love with a different person every day.

7. Creativity
I’ve always been a writer. ‘Nuff said. Actually, I’m just too lazy to go into this point.

8. Rebels
INFJs are rebels. They do what they feel in their hearts, and fuck the rest of them who don’t like it. Pretty much, I’ve always disliked authority and rules and don’t want to be controlled yet don’t want to control others. Well, INFJ’s aren’t really like that at all. They say “down with the man, and make me the man, things will be much better” whereas, I’d hate to be tied down having so much responsibility. With me, I’ll defy authorities if I see reason to, and I don’t have to feel it in my heart, I could just do it for fun. Yet, I don’t go around doing that because having things on your record can prevent you from launching off into space….which would be sooo awesome.

9. Intelligence
INFJs are intelligent. They’re deep, and think about things a lot. Usually they have emotions tied into things, which I don’t. But I’ve always been told I’m a thinker, ever since I was little. I just didn’t discover thinker stood for T in ISTP until a little later down the road.

10. Parents
My parents are INFJ and INFP. I took a lot of my interaction style from them, especially when I was trying to make friends and I didn’t know who I was and what I stood for. You can say that I shoplifted the INFJ personality for a while. In fact, I’m still pretty good at pretending to be an INFJ, I can say the words and walk the walk, I just don’t ‘feel’ that way. I am the master of putting on a face and pretending to be one way when really I’m not like that at all.

So, pretty much, that’s it. It’s amazing how these thoughts came out because I’d been thinking about it for a long time and had always blamed it on stress. It took one moment of eating an apple and then breaking down all of these different factors for this thread to be borned.


And that's how I prove the impossible: Yes, an ISTP can think they are an INFJ for all of the wrong wrong TERRIBLY wrong reasons.
 
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Great post slant. I was actually wondering about how this was possible a little while ago, because as you said the two types are rather different from one another. However, the way to said, it makes perfect sense. :thumb:
 
INFJ = Introverted dominant with Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se.

ISTP = Introverted dominant with Ti, Se, Ni, and Fe.

I've insisted that these two types have a LOT in common for quite some time now. I have a rather large network of friends, which consists of all N types - mostly NFJs and NTJs, with the exception of a fairly sizable population of ISTPs. We all get along famously.
 
I liked your post. It's something to think about.. The differences between types that look so different at first sight may not be all that obvious. You explained it well!
 
Yeah, I mean, a ton of things about INFJs puzzle me but it's really easy to mistake certain traits of behavior for INFJ. The only way I knew is that I'm seriously lacking the way touchy feely side that you guys have, and since you all regularly hide it, it doesn't appear to be there so then it's so easy to think 'hmm, I'm just like him/her'
 
Yeah I agree, I am becoming pretty good friends with an ISTP, and we do get along pretty well. However, I am always trying to force "higher thought" out of him, and he ALWAYS resists, haha.
 
I need to make one about ISTPs and ENTPs. I was talking to my ENTP friend a lot and we had some major differences. He's easy to get along with, but so lame. Commitment? Pfft. ENTPs make me look like a douche XD
 
pfft. Your ENTP friend might be a douche, but he's obviously merely very young. We change more than mercury.
 
You read that wrong. I said ENTPs make ME look like a douche. He was talking about how he loves being in a relationship with girls and has dated people for years and once you get him you've got him for as long as you're interested and keep him interested, and I told him that commitment was lame. I didn't understand why and how anyone could/would do that.
 
INFJ and ISTP share all the same functions, but with a different order. The dominant and weaker pairs are just swapped. I've noticed the Ti-Se relationship in myself sometimes when solving problems.

INFJ - Ni Fe Ti Se
ISTP - Ti Se Ni Fe
 
I like this post...I am currently doubting my INFJ-ness
either that or I am hating it, and forcing myself to doubt it
 
Well, if you aint an INFJ you'll figure it out. Maybe try to be a T type, and then we can go do some immoral things together and laugh about it while everyone else freaks out about it.
 
INFJ = Introverted dominant with Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se.

ISTP = Introverted dominant with Ti, Se, Ni, and Fe.

I've insisted that these two types have a LOT in common for quite some time now. I have a rather large network of friends, which consists of all N types - mostly NFJs and NTJs, with the exception of a fairly sizable population of ISTPs. We all get along famously.

I think I usually put feelings first. Though in the enviornment I was raised in, I was told to put facts first and I kind of agree with that. For example, if a man who commited countless crimes was put under trial and gave a heart-warming speech about how he will change if he was declared not innocent, I wouldn't believe him.

Does that not make me an INFJ?

I'm just curious because I sometimes do put facts over feelings.
 
No, that makes you smart.
 
And that's how I prove the impossible: Yes, an ISTP can think they are an INFJ for all of the wrong wrong TERRIBLY wrong reasons.

I love your rationales! That would explain why my father (ISTP) and I are so alike, and yet so different. Of all his children, I am the most like him. But he is confused by emotions. I almost feel like a more "complete" version of him.
 
Sure. Emotions is a tough spot for me. I can deal with them when I need to but usually it takes a hell of a great person for me to extend such effort.
 
I noticed your post here and being married to an ISTP for the past "almost" 17 years, I wanted to reply. As I enjoyed your analogy.

I wanted to share with you something I wrote about ISTP's and INFJ's:
As an ISTP... I suck at the use of "emotions" as it is the function with the least amount of use/skill from me. I know that I, and others, have them; but I don't know what to do with them or how to handle them. When they show up, either they completely control me or I don't know exactly to express them. You wouldn't hear me talking about my feelings at work or at home. I work/talk about doing things or ideas.

When I am weakened or stressed, this "emotion" function goes haywire and I am crazily lead by something I am terrible at. Bascially, messing up everything through it. I have inappropriate emotional outbursts, feel unloved and isolated.

Other that share this with me: INTP; ESTJ; ENTJ

And about us INFJ's:
As an INFJ... I suck at the use of "sensing" as it is the function with the least amount of use/skill from me. Sensing is the skill or focus of the "physical world and things" around me, and my perceived need/use of them. If I want to know if something: looks good, tastes good, runs well, or a great house, car or makeup... I will ask a sensor, as I really have no idea. - Thoughts about them never consume my mind or attention. Nor, do they consume my language. You won't hear me talking about the "stuff" I want and own. I work/talk about ideas or theories.

When I am weakened or stressed, this "sensing" function goes haywire and I am crazily lead by something I am terrible at. Bascially, messing up everything through it. I go overboard, too much of something/anything: lists, obsessive, overeating, sleeping... you name it. I forget balance.

Others that share this with me: INTJ; ENTP; ENFP

We are opposites in many ways. And I love that about us because we excel at the other's weakest function. - Good helpers to each other.
 
Yeah, I mean, a ton of things about INFJs puzzle me but it's really easy to mistake certain traits of behavior for INFJ. The only way I knew is that I'm seriously lacking the way touchy feely side that you guys have, and since you all regularly hide it, it doesn't appear to be there so then it's so easy to think 'hmm, I'm just like him/her'
I think this is why I like this place so much, so many touchy feely <3 people and we are all anonymous so we can put the shield down for awhile and recharge in a pretty cool way!

BTW <3 Slant, but I miss the blue mohawk. Is that you in the new pic or is this yet another curveball persona? :)

(and by the way, noone in my real life would believe I toss around all these <3 and :) and !!!. I'm the serious one!)
 
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I'm very pleased to see that you posted this.
I did see Von Hase's post earlier, about infjs and istps coming to the same conclusions, but just in different ways, because of the hierarchy of functions.

All of the points provided a lot of clarity. I have one friend that I presume to be istp, and we're both chill, and there's not a lot of stress when it comes to interaction.

I think the infj rebel thing is actually quite true, although we are rebels in different ways than many.

As an infj, I can identify with sometimes feeling guilty for betraying my emotions. Like, if I take my emotions out of something, and try to view it completely rationally and logically, I almost fear those thoughts...
A + post, dear.