It must be nice to be tall
I don't think I could be as intimidating Great philosophy to have.
Haha, nice. X3
How do you respond to confrontation?
- Thread starter mochi
- Start date
It must be nice to be tall
I don't think I could be as intimidating Great philosophy to have.
Haha, nice. X3
i have difficulty keeping my mouth shut when someone is being confrontational with me. whether it's someone on the street or someone i know, as soon as they say something i have all these things running in my head that i can say back to them and it takes all my effort to not say them. i'm trying to get it under control, and i am much better than i used to be, but if left to my own devices i love slicing ppl up with accurate and psychologically debilitating responses if they are being aggressive with me. someone once told me, your are great to your friends, but terrible to people you don't like, this girl had years ago felt the wrath of lenina. this also means though, that i am rarely ever passive aggressive, i am either aggressive for real or nice. but my inclination really is attack if attacked, part of me thinks im doing the other person a favour so that they stop being so fucking stupid. with age though i am coming to learn of the importance of being accepting of others and of being less judgemental.
I usually back down depending on the situation.
If its intellectual, then I usually leave the argument or discussion without saying further more. Usually because they have successfully beaten me and Its not something I take lightly. I don't particularly enjoy giving the other person a distorted sense of satisfaction 'I'm right therefore I'm higher and better than you as a human being'. So in this sense I can get extremely defensive.
As for psychical confrontations I usually do the same thing, saying that I don't want to fight and explain why, not because I can't defend myself or fight but because doing so would be ultimately pointless. The only time I strike back is in life threatening situations and frankly having someone in my face having a go at me doesn't class as life threatening, only ego threatening.
Confrontation is a part of life but that doesn't mean that I enjoy it or handle it like 'water off a ducks back'. I strongly dislike emotional and intellectual confrontation that leads to conflict.
If its intellectual, then I usually leave the argument or discussion without saying further more. Usually because they have successfully beaten me and Its not something I take lightly. I don't particularly enjoy giving the other person a distorted sense of satisfaction 'I'm right therefore I'm higher and better than you as a human being'. So in this sense I can get extremely defensive.
As for psychical confrontations I usually do the same thing, saying that I don't want to fight and explain why, not because I can't defend myself or fight but because doing so would be ultimately pointless. The only time I strike back is in life threatening situations and frankly having someone in my face having a go at me doesn't class as life threatening, only ego threatening.
Confrontation is a part of life but that doesn't mean that I enjoy it or handle it like 'water off a ducks back'. I strongly dislike emotional and intellectual confrontation that leads to conflict.
Well there is a big difference between a nutter venting and someone giving good feedback. One of the things I do NOT like in myself is that when someone is giving me constructive criticism, I can feel my face getting hot. It means that on some level I'm feeling threatened, and the reddening of my face is a dead giveaway to the person that I'm having a defensive reaction.
If it's someone I know well I stand my ground, and argue until someone gives (personal flaw --->I feel the need to be "right" ---> I usually end up apologizing). If it's a stranger/someone I'm not familiar with; I'm inclined to avoid confrontation...I don't know what they're capable of, and I don't want to push them to find out.
I personally get a kick out of confrontation - especially if the confronter is completely out of line. For some reason it amuses me. However, if I am confronted about something I've done wrong and I know I've done it wrong I get guilty feelings and then I get defensive because I don't want to deal with the consequences of my actions. I can be kind of stubborn. Usually I will own up to the error of my ways and apologize (if I am actually sorry) or will acknowledge the other person's feelings and then move on. Sometimes, though, I get really pissed off if someone is accusing me of something or blaming me for something I DID NOT do. Very little gets me angrier than someone making assumptions about my intentions or my behaviour and I won't be afraid to let them know.
Death Stare usually works well. I don't freak out about confrontation and usually don't start stuff. If my inner Tiffany is around, she can usually calm people down pretty good. However, I find that I refuse to just brush stuff off, I will stand my ground. Telling another chick who wants to get into my face that "I don't start shit but I finish it" has worked every time. Of course it helps that I mean it.
ENFJ friends/roommates who are screaming at me because they can't control me: Ignore, or walk out. (Both enrage them even more) When they are calm enough to treat me like a human, I will respond... a little. If they apologize I will accept it.
If someone offends me to the point of tears, I will leave the room, and not deal with them again, unless necessary.
If someone gets emotional & screams at me in a debate I get very calm & stand my ground, & repeat, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to agree to disagree."
If I am threatened with physical violence I get pretty stoic. I find struggling, and being reactionary only encourages these people.
If someone offends me to the point of tears, I will leave the room, and not deal with them again, unless necessary.
If someone gets emotional & screams at me in a debate I get very calm & stand my ground, & repeat, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to agree to disagree."
If I am threatened with physical violence I get pretty stoic. I find struggling, and being reactionary only encourages these people.
I was unable to send a message to this person. I appreciate their feedback! I wrote a response and decided to post it here because there was nowhere else I could. I did not disclose the name of this person so as to respect their possible desire for secrecy.
Hmm, hostile? As in very unfriendly? I guess I can care deeply about people without aspiring to be their friends. Tough love perhaps. For me, as an INFJ, the deeper level of emotion is more likely to produce a response, confrontational or other, that trumps my introvert nature and my desire to make everyone feel better about themselves in certain situations. My primary objective is not always to appease others but to interact with them in a way that actually benefits them on a deeper level or in a more lasting way. I
I struggle with conflict.
On the surface I'm non-reactive/reasoned. But inside, it's a turmoil of emotions and stress building up. Sometimes my head hurts.
The worst part is before and after the confrontation, when what-ifs scenarios keep playing through my head, and the conflict gets fought a thousand times before the actual battle, and a thousand times after.
These days, I just wish for a quiet spirit and a quiet existence.
On the surface I'm non-reactive/reasoned. But inside, it's a turmoil of emotions and stress building up. Sometimes my head hurts.
The worst part is before and after the confrontation, when what-ifs scenarios keep playing through my head, and the conflict gets fought a thousand times before the actual battle, and a thousand times after.
These days, I just wish for a quiet spirit and a quiet existence.
I'm not afraid of confrontation at all. In fact, very often I find myself hoping that I will have the chance for confrontation. I seem to enjoy the challenge, like I want to say "fuck you" to any possible fear I might feel. I disdain feeling fearful. I'm always thinking "fuck that" if I feel fearful about anything. I get uppity.
I remember a couple of years back I was walking down the street in a kind of rough part of town and as I passed by two young men on the sidewalk they started to make rude gestures and comments directed my way. Like I was some piece of ass for them to make sexual type comments about instead of being an actual human being. I knew I would not be able to just let it go and keep walking. So I turned around and said really loudly and emphatically "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!" They didn't like that very much and their tone changed to one of (something like) "who do you think you are saying that to us" kind of thing. So I say "GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!!!" and turned around and just walked and walked and walked very quickly for about 10 minutes without stopping or looking back. I was scared that they would follow me. But I remember feeling like I didn't like the feeling of being scared even more than I didn't like the thought of them following me. I resented the fear more than I resented them.
I remember a couple of years back I was walking down the street in a kind of rough part of town and as I passed by two young men on the sidewalk they started to make rude gestures and comments directed my way. Like I was some piece of ass for them to make sexual type comments about instead of being an actual human being. I knew I would not be able to just let it go and keep walking. So I turned around and said really loudly and emphatically "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!" They didn't like that very much and their tone changed to one of (something like) "who do you think you are saying that to us" kind of thing. So I say "GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!!!" and turned around and just walked and walked and walked very quickly for about 10 minutes without stopping or looking back. I was scared that they would follow me. But I remember feeling like I didn't like the feeling of being scared even more than I didn't like the thought of them following me. I resented the fear more than I resented them.