How do you respond to confrontation?
- Thread starter mochi
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I have always wanted to slap someone in the face with a leather glove mid-insult..
I was unable to send a message to this person. I appreciate their feedback! I wrote a response and decided to post it here because there was nowhere else I could. I did not disclose the name of this person so as to respect their possible desire for secrecy.
Hmm, hostile? As in very unfriendly? I guess I can care deeply about people without aspiring to be their friends. Tough love perhaps. For me, as an INFJ, the deeper level of emotion is more likely to produce a response, confrontational or other, that trumps my introvert nature and my desire to make everyone feel better about themselves in certain situations. My primary objective is not always to appease others but to interact with them in a way that actually benefits them on a deeper level or in a more lasting way. I
it depends on the confrontation. sometimes people just want to push buttons and don't really care about anything else. those are the situations i refuse to take part in.
if i'm being confronted by someone who feels they have a valid grievance (whether or not i agree with it) i at least take the time to find out what their stance is. if i am shown to be in the wrong i will take responsibility, but if it turns out that i am not in the wrong i will react in a very aggressive manner. nasty as it sounds, i do not like being confronted so they better be well armed.
having said that, i admit that i try avoid situations where there could be a confrontation simply because it expels a great deal of energy from me, and i don't really believe that things should ever develop to the confrontation level in the first place. does that make sense?
if i'm being confronted by someone who feels they have a valid grievance (whether or not i agree with it) i at least take the time to find out what their stance is. if i am shown to be in the wrong i will take responsibility, but if it turns out that i am not in the wrong i will react in a very aggressive manner. nasty as it sounds, i do not like being confronted so they better be well armed.
having said that, i admit that i try avoid situations where there could be a confrontation simply because it expels a great deal of energy from me, and i don't really believe that things should ever develop to the confrontation level in the first place. does that make sense?
If the confrontation is reasonable in its contents, I'll basically make it impossible to discuss the matter in anything but a reasonable manner. eg. In private, civily, respectfully, etc.
If the confrontation is unreasonable in its contents, I'll shut it down and let the confronter know what I think.
I guess I am very direct.
If the confrontation is unreasonable in its contents, I'll shut it down and let the confronter know what I think.
I guess I am very direct.
I would say I am a rather direct person too. However, I find that if someone wants to get all passive aggressive that I tend to string the fun and games along. I usually refuse to give in and ask what's wrong and let them flounder around with their smarmy ways. I find it enjoyable even. It cracks me up when people want to be angry with you but don't have the courtesy to at least try and talk it out like grown ups. I will play as long as they want or until I get bored.
In truth, I like to get it all out there right away.
If I'm pissed about something I try to confront someone right away.. diplomatically.
If someone is trying to sugar coat something, I confront them.
If someone is being passive aggressive with me, I get an itch to draw it out into the open.
I hate feeling disharmonized.
I like to have it out and then make up and then become comrades.
I've never had an argument with someone I didn't end up befriending.
If someone confronts me, I try not to take it personally, but to take their problem into consideration because I'd much rather get along and I appreciate the feedback.
I can be gritty and rub people the wrong way unintentionally.
If I'm pissed about something I try to confront someone right away.. diplomatically.
If someone is trying to sugar coat something, I confront them.
If someone is being passive aggressive with me, I get an itch to draw it out into the open.
I hate feeling disharmonized.
I like to have it out and then make up and then become comrades.
I've never had an argument with someone I didn't end up befriending.
If someone confronts me, I try not to take it personally, but to take their problem into consideration because I'd much rather get along and I appreciate the feedback.
I can be gritty and rub people the wrong way unintentionally.
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I agree that an honest argument, even if heated, has its own place and even dignity. As for passive aggressive behaviour - my tolerance has been eroded to the point that I can't bring myself to wast time with such people.
I let my retorts eat away at me and live with a burning
rage in me for a few days/weeks/months and wait for it
to quietly die down. I may retaliate if I find it would be best
and I'm tired of your bullshit. Generally though, I keep
my mouth shut. I may become overwhelmed and start
crying but that is out of frustration of not being able to
express myself and having to sensor myself for the well
being of the confronting individual.
rage in me for a few days/weeks/months and wait for it
to quietly die down. I may retaliate if I find it would be best
and I'm tired of your bullshit. Generally though, I keep
my mouth shut. I may become overwhelmed and start
crying but that is out of frustration of not being able to
express myself and having to sensor myself for the well
being of the confronting individual.
Let's see:
A) With a friend:
Not likely to happen. I'm way too calm these days. ^^;; And most of them are indebted to me. XD Haha.
I guess, many of them get along with me, because I'm "usefull". (People learn the fact about me, that I don't care
about money, physical stuff. If they answer why, I say that helping others increases my karma, so it's a good deal for me...
Maybe it's a "bad side-effect" of Buddhism. ^^;; )
At home it can happen, but I deal with those with logically explaining my feelings and standpoint.
It works mostly.
B) Workplace:
B1) My Superiors:
Hmm... not happening. It only happened once.
They said something - without checking, just because they heard so from the prev. shift - and I had to tell them,
that it isn't true. I gave up in the end, only to be later found out, that I had right.
But that wasn't my responsibility after that. XD
B2) Workers from other divisions:
Happens too often. >.>;;
Believe me. If I do/say something, then that has it's ground.
I try to break their opposition down using precisely formed reasoning. (Some people say I can be quite frightening.
)
But meh. Sometimes they are just way stupid/stubborn to understand it. ^^"" Then I give up, and call for my and their
superior. (Yup, they hate me later for the second part. XD )
I can mostly form a well balanced solution too.
C) Strange strangers:
Most ppl avoid me. ^^;;
I try to deal with it mostly with joking it off.
Acting violent against me isn't a good idea through. (Simply because as I had to found out, I have a bad tendency to
return it with even more power. [I know, that it's a bad habit. n.n;; ] Especially if they act like that with one
of my friends... I'm not extremely strong, but I act way too composed/cold during such situations. [<- I'm scared
from this in truth. >.< ] )
A) With a friend:
Not likely to happen. I'm way too calm these days. ^^;; And most of them are indebted to me. XD Haha.
I guess, many of them get along with me, because I'm "usefull". (People learn the fact about me, that I don't care
about money, physical stuff. If they answer why, I say that helping others increases my karma, so it's a good deal for me...
Maybe it's a "bad side-effect" of Buddhism. ^^;; )
At home it can happen, but I deal with those with logically explaining my feelings and standpoint.
It works mostly.
B) Workplace:
B1) My Superiors:
Hmm... not happening. It only happened once.
They said something - without checking, just because they heard so from the prev. shift - and I had to tell them,
that it isn't true. I gave up in the end, only to be later found out, that I had right.
But that wasn't my responsibility after that. XD
B2) Workers from other divisions:
Happens too often. >.>;;
Believe me. If I do/say something, then that has it's ground.
I try to break their opposition down using precisely formed reasoning. (Some people say I can be quite frightening.
)But meh. Sometimes they are just way stupid/stubborn to understand it. ^^"" Then I give up, and call for my and their
superior. (Yup, they hate me later for the second part. XD )
I can mostly form a well balanced solution too.
C) Strange strangers:
Most ppl avoid me. ^^;;
I try to deal with it mostly with joking it off.
Acting violent against me isn't a good idea through. (Simply because as I had to found out, I have a bad tendency to
return it with even more power. [I know, that it's a bad habit. n.n;; ] Especially if they act like that with one
of my friends... I'm not extremely strong, but I act way too composed/cold during such situations. [<- I'm scared
from this in truth. >.< ] )
As long as I can escape being caught by the cops with a good enough chance. ^^;;
Or it has to be a situation, where the Hungarian laws justify it... (Can happen, but not likely.)
Otherwise it isn't worth to screw my future because of a random idiot...
This depends on what kind of confrontation... whether someone has randomly thrown a one-liner at you, someone is provoking you on the street (trying to get you out of your shell), whether it's a misunderstanding in a professional context, bar fight, your spouse etc.