How do you make compromises without compromising self? | INFJ Forum

How do you make compromises without compromising self?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Nov 28, 2009.

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  1. Gaze

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    How do you adapt and make necessary compromises without compromising self?

    What strategies do you use? What kinds of thought processes do you use to help you make the distinctions between necessary compromises and not making changes which won't compromise who you are?

    (If there is another way to rephrase these questions, please do so and answer at will)
     
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  2. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    errrrrr....I dont know I seem to compromise self...often...perhaps I can learn somthing
     
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  3. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    Well, I just stand my ground and do not go into compromises. Most of the time it can be avoided by better communication, researching and rethinking things. In some rare cases when there's no acceptable solution I just walk away.
     
  4. Raccoon Love

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    Same, I compromise self to often as well.
     
  5. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    not sure what you mean by "self". do you mean not compromising what you feel is right?
     
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  6. entity

    entity Lucky

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    I think this is a really important question actually... and a question I've been asking myself, too. From what I understand, truth at all costs, is essential to an INFJ. I feel like there are truths I'm not being told and I find I struggle to go forward without really knowing - the nitty gritty - even (especially?) the bad stuff. Then, when you do have a whole lot of truth that goes against your principles, do you then do the whole 'write off' thing? (Another INFJ tendency...) Because you don't wish to compromise your self? I feel like I'm doing the latter quite a lot lately. And I wonder if that's a personality flaw... are INFJs 'clingy' toward their typing and wanting understanding of themselves (a box like INFJ helps!) so much that when there's a perceived threat to their person (ie a compromise) we can't do it for fear of being untrue to ourselves?
    Sorry - probably more questions there than any useful answers!
     
  7. sookie

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    I pick my battles. I think that there is no way to exist without compromising. Being inflexible creates so much anger, frustration. We can't fight every battle.

    I also choose what is important to me. In any situation I will advocate for myself before things reach a crisis point. I recognize my choices are my own. I try to think ahead and say things in advance. This leads to more satisfying compromises.
     
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  8. the

    the Si master race.
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    What kind of compromises are we talking here?
     
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  9. Morgain

    Morgain defective wisdom
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    great question, I'm terrible with that.

    Now I think of it, something occur to me. To me almost all compromises feel like a compromise of who I am. Lets say when I decide to stay home and someone tries to persuade me in going out, giving in feels like compromising of who I am, losing myself a bit.

    Maybe it would help if I, in advance, formulate who I am and determine on which topics I can compromise without losing my integrity and on which I can not?
     
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  10. randomsomeone

    randomsomeone Well-known member

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    There is a certain truth that I live within and this is rooted in some very serious realities that I have encountered (almost by accident). In fact, the way I experience it is that I am almost triangulated within these realities...they are like legs on a stool and very, very solid. So, when it comes to compromise, I find this anchor gives me tremendous latitude. I can dance a jig, do backflips, stand on my hands, take off-fly around-and then land, stands stone still...it's all good, no problem. It's like having guard rails on a road...I can go backwards, forwards, do handbrake turns, jump obstacles, weave all over the place....no problem, no issues. The guard rails keep me from real danger...careening off a deep, dark precipice.

    So...maybe compromise has to to with how much latitude we start out with in the first place. Having a very wide and well-planted foundation helps one be able to go stark raving bonkers and still do no damage to one's sense of self at all. In fact, we can relax and have some fun!!!!!!
     
  11. Solongo

    Solongo Well-known member

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    I adapt for the short term, but always the compromised self is unhappy in the long term.

    My strategy is flexibility. But it is nothing if you don't know your limits of what you will deal with and what you will skip. But I always end up putting myself first and it never failed me...
     
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  12. INTJMom

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    That is indeed very difficult.
    One question I have learned to ask myself that helps a lot is:
    Will this matter in 100 years from now?
    But yeah... I HATE feeling like I'm compromising myself.
     
  13. OP
    Gaze

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    This is great. I think the question in bold is a big one. I don't mind responses with additional questions. Helps us to think.
     
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  14. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, feel the same.
     
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  15. OP
    Gaze

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    Agree. Great point.
     
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  16. dvslil1

    dvslil1 Regular Poster

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    I find it very hard not to compromise myself in the face of allowing others to impose upon me or being caught in something I can't control. I tend to know intuitively the mechanisms of just what is going on, but I have yet to figure out how to make these compromises without self sacrifice. Most of the time I just end up feeling bullied or violated, most angry at myself for not having been able to better handle the situation.
     
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  17. INTJMom

    INTJMom Community Member

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    I always feel like my standards are too high because the rest of my family just thinks I'm weird.
     
  18. OP
    Gaze

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    Yeah, this feeling is quite common.
     
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  19. bamf

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    Call me stubborn but I refuse to compromise myself or my morals/beliefs/ideas. Although that sounds like a catch all, I rarely find myself in such situations.

    Otherwise I'm almost always willing to make concessions if it will benefit someone else (in a well deserved manner).
     
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  20. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    This is an interesting topic because there are aspects to myself that appear far more fluid than most people. I have an adaptive aspect to me that makes me more flexible in certain ways. For some reason I don't have an internal struggle about compromising myself with anything involving negotiation with a partner or work place. Some specific examples include the fact that attendance regardless of how you feel is a priority at my work. This is not a personal priority, and I do better with a more flexible schedule. I adapt to fit the requirements of the job and have close to perfect attendance. When I have missed, I will make up for it by taking someone else's schedule when they miss. I also entered into a new relationship after 15 years with one person and have changed the way I relate to money and other details to fit my new situation. I have a sense that I do this sort of thing moreso than the average person - to a marked degree actually.

    In contrast to this, I am not swayed by social pressure in the least if I don't see the benefit of adapting. I was in a choir once where the director crossed some ethical lines getting the entire group worked up and rebellious towards another conductor who was to conduct a performance. Everyone (100+ people) walked out during the dress rehearsal, and it made no sense to me. It was childish, placed the performance at risk, and was giving over to overt manipulation. I stayed, and was the only choir member left on the risers.

    I think the difference has a lot to do with trust and respect. If I feel those things towards someone, I can adapt to create peace and congeniality with them to a marked degree. If I do not trust the person, I think I am probably one of the last people they could successfully manipulate.
     
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