Hiding vs. Revealing

[Julia]

Have you ever faced this dichotomy? I face it all the time. There is a part of me that tends towards unabashed honesty, and a second part that is intensely private. I find myself mortified by both extremes and am constantly dealing with one or the other. It is difficult to find middle ground. It feels as though if I am going to say something, it tends to be confessional and unguarded, but more often I say nothing. It makes it difficult to communicate and interact in the world of people.

 

[INFJesus]

This I can relate to.
This is my life.
I want to share and then I am mortifed when I do.
Everytime I type something on here I say " OK you just said too much MR. you are never coming back here again"
And then I think, Just how much more can I possibly withdraw?
It's a struggle for sure.

 

[Solongo]

Yes, all the time. But I learned to balance it by taking people/situations case by case. Using the intuition; it gets easier to figure out who you should open up to and who you should hide from. This is definitely a duality of infjs i noticed.

 

[WellNoWonder]

Have you ever faced this dichotomy? I face it all the time. There is a part of me that tends towards unabashed honesty, and a second part that is intensely private. I find myself mortified by both extremes and am constantly dealing with one or the other. It is difficult to find middle ground. It feels as though if I am going to say something, it tends to be confessional and unguarded, but more often I say nothing. It makes it difficult to communicate and interact in the world of people.

Mortification is exactly what I feel too. When I do reveal, I reveal everything. Then I'm like OMG what did I just SAY....Then I go hide.

 

[NeverAmI]

Introverts by definition are more hidden than revealed in most cases.

The human psyche constructs barriers and social heiarchies (As in a heiarchy of everyone that you come in contact with.) all the time for protection and security.

As someone progresses up your heiarchy, certain barriers have a chance to come down for that individual. Certain barriers are more important than others which directly corresponds to your social heiarchy. Many times an important barrier isn't going to come down for anyone but those at the top of your heiarchy. Some people have more barriers than others. Some barriers are there for good reason, some aren't. Some barriers can come down completely, some can't.

In addition to the barriers, there are also boundaries, which is related to your barriers, their causes, and how close another person gets to those barriers. Boundaries are in place to protect a barrier from falling.

A lot of times boundaries are crossed by people that can't see past the barrier, they are clueless as to why the other person reacts so strongly to their infringement. This causes massive amounts of confusion and miscommunication. This is one reason that many people don't like dealing with others that are quiet or don't reveal much. It is generally assumed there are many barriers with large boundaries.

Many barriers + wide boundaries is often referred to as "baggage."

 

[christmas]

Blaargh, I just assume everyone hates what I'm going to say and am surprised when someone acts like they don't. I like surprises like that. <3

 

[Morgain]

Mortification is exactly what I feel too. When I do reveal, I reveal everything. Then I'm like OMG what did I just SAY....Then I go hide.

Oh God same here. Like when my boss asks me what I think about something I can either say nothing that I mean or everything I think comes out in a blink and than I'm like ... "Why the hell did I tell him all this". Most of the time I get a really big reaction and I'm like "oh no I didn't want this to happen at all, I was just being honest".

Or sometimes people startle me because they know so much more about me than I ever wanted to reveal.

 

[BlinkandThink]

Or sometimes people startle me because they know so much more about me than I ever wanted to reveal.

I'm that person.


BWA - HA - HA - HA -HA!


But I usually don't say what I notice.

 

[Morgain]

I'm that person.


BWA - HA - HA - HA -HA!


But I usually don't say what I notice.

That is so creapy because an ENTP is one of those persons that knows more then I ever told him. And then I'm not talking about vibes and stuff but like really personal information or seeing a picture of me and knowing my deepest aversions with my body ... so creapy!

 

[EvenIfLove]

" OK you just said too much MR. you are never coming back here again"

em...

 

[rawr]

yes, this is a natural dichotomy of the INFJ - we feel the need to express ourselves (and usually do it in a creative fashion through the arts) but our introverted side often leaves us afraid or nervous to reveal things.
so I am pretty sure that just about every INFJ can relate to this as well as some of the INFPs out there.
interesting topic - thanks for bringing it up.
if i am like most INFJs out there, i do the same thing as you: when i do reveal things it often seems to be in a rather confessional matter, but oftentimes i just keep my thoughts to myself.

 

[dylan]

Yeah, I feel that dichotomy too. And you know what it makes me think of? The anonymity of strangers and the freedom of that anonymity. I often find it easier to open up and, not necessarily gush out confessions or anything, but have a real conversation where I'm honestly speaking my true opinions with a total stranger. Because they have no real frame of reference to judge you from, and any opinion or judgment they form is meaningless against you because they are a stranger and you don't have anything invested in that relationship. It's all wide open.

 

[under skies]

All the time. It bothers me most around my closest friends. And sometimes family.

I would like to be honest with them, tell them how I am feeling, tell them what is bothering me, but I hate complaining to people. I feel like it's almost ... I don't know, it's like I'm being improper if I reveal too much.

That's not really the phrasing I'm looking for. I just feel sort of weird when I open up to people, especially if they try to console me and tell me they understand and I really don't believe they do. (That can make me really angry sometimes. Or when people turn things around and make it about them when you really just want to vent.) I don't want to appear weak. Or stupid or petty. I don't want to seem vulnerable. I don't want to open up and not get a response. I don't like most of the responses I get. And blah blah blah.

It just never turns out well for me.

 

[Jana]

This I can relate to.
This is my life.
I want to share and then I am mortifed when I do.
Everytime I type something on here I say " OK you just said too much MR. you are never coming back here again"
And then I think, Just how much more can I possibly withdraw?
It's a struggle for sure.

Exactly. I would like to say, but when I do, I feel, I don't know, like I am gave away part of me.

 

[Zombicide]

I basically have that dichotomy but I do not mind the privacy, in fact I only wish mine were more intense. It is impossible to know what benign admission will set stupid / normal people off, so it's best to not let them in on anything, mistaking the general populace for homosapiens has caused me too much trouble.

 

[dark_angel]

Have you ever faced this dichotomy? I face it all the time. There is a part of me that tends towards unabashed honesty, and a second part that is intensely private. I find myself mortified by both extremes and am constantly dealing with one or the other. It is difficult to find middle ground. It feels as though if I am going to say something, it tends to be confessional and unguarded, but more often I say nothing. It makes it difficult to communicate and interact in the world of people.

I face it daily

 

[Stu]

Rare is the moment my guard comes down. Few are the people in whom I confide. Often is the time I look into my fellows' drama to find pieces that I can celebrate or commiserate with them, so they will believe I care and not shun me as a misanthrope. Always do I look to aid my friends in need.

 

[laurie]

Well, it turns out that I've never revealed enough of myself for people to really know me. Even my sister said recently that she only feels that she knows about half of me ^^"
I don't exactly try to hide anything, but nothing gets revealed either. Even when I've tried to reveal things to other people, it never works out because they don't understand what I'm trying to say (definitely my fault. I'm not very clear).
For that reason, I don't have many close friends (about 2 that I've known for 6 years).
If I do occasionally slip up and reveal something I wasn't sure about, I debate in my head if I should have said it for a long while after XD

 

[Tulip]

Sometimes I reveal, sometimes I keep everything private.
It all depends on the mood.

I tend to share more with people who care to listen and have a potential to understand, but it all relies on intuition. Sometimes I do make mistakes and share things with people who I later regret to have shared.

:smow:

 

[rainrise]

Well, it turns out that I've never revealed enough of myself for people to really know me. Even my sister said recently that she only feels that she knows about half of me ^^"
I don't exactly try to hide anything, but nothing gets revealed either. Even when I've tried to reveal things to other people, it never works out because they don't understand what I'm trying to say (definitely my fault. I'm not very clear).
For that reason, I don't have many close friends (about 2 that I've known for 6 years).
If I do occasionally slip up and reveal something I wasn't sure about, I debate in my head if I should have said it for a long while after XD

yup that's me