Have you ever cut someone out of your life?
- Thread starter mochi
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I've cut several people out of my life so far. My mother and her family, and several friends that proved to be temperamental to the point where I couldn't even get close to them any longer and some where they just annoyed me and hurt me too many times. I'll start with my mom. She has a lot of problems that eventually effected the way she raised her own children. She was abusive, physically and emotionally, and an alcoholic. When I was 12 my dad divorced her. I started going on visits to see her but those proved to painful and damaging to our already fragile relationship. I don't go to see her anymore and rarely answer the phone when she calls. I still love my mom for everything she has done for me, and despite everything she has done to me, and even though her love is highly conditional and selfish it doesn't stop from all of my siblings and I from caring about her, she is our mother after all.
Not explicitly as of yet, but I've refrained from reconnecting people after moving, because I was transitioning to another stage in my life and I wanted to leave the past behind. In the past, I couldn't tell someone that they were toxic to me and needed to get out of my life, but feel at this point in my life that I'm ready to do so if I need to. I don't have anyone that fits that bill at the moment, though, and for that I'm thankful.
I've only ever cut two people out of my life and (surprise) they were people I went out with who cheated on me.
The first one was a girl who was so lovely when we first went out for a few months, but as time went on she twisted into something else that I tried to convince myself I still liked. In the end she was sleeping around with anything that was drunk enough and when I found out I had to leave her.
The second one being someone I went out with for two years. She went off to uni and begged me to stay with her so much that I went against my gut feeling and stayed with her. While she was there she changed into some what of a hideous creature if I'm honest, and in the end she slept with another guy and took a lot of my money and other things (which I shan't name in case there are under 18s reading this) before eventually dumping me not even a week after my birthday. A lot of time passed after where I wanted to stay her friend but in the end I had to put down how much she hurt me and how angry I was for everyone to see and now we haven't been in any communication. for a time she even tried to set me up as a plan B in case her new guy didn't work out.
I haven't cut anyone else out of my life since but the last one has absolutely boggled my mind as no matter what happens I still feel bad over it even though I just want to move on and there are other people I like.
Sorry for the rambling.
The first one was a girl who was so lovely when we first went out for a few months, but as time went on she twisted into something else that I tried to convince myself I still liked. In the end she was sleeping around with anything that was drunk enough and when I found out I had to leave her.
The second one being someone I went out with for two years. She went off to uni and begged me to stay with her so much that I went against my gut feeling and stayed with her. While she was there she changed into some what of a hideous creature if I'm honest, and in the end she slept with another guy and took a lot of my money and other things (which I shan't name in case there are under 18s reading this) before eventually dumping me not even a week after my birthday. A lot of time passed after where I wanted to stay her friend but in the end I had to put down how much she hurt me and how angry I was for everyone to see and now we haven't been in any communication. for a time she even tried to set me up as a plan B in case her new guy didn't work out.
I haven't cut anyone else out of my life since but the last one has absolutely boggled my mind as no matter what happens I still feel bad over it even though I just want to move on and there are other people I like.
Sorry for the rambling.
I think one needs to think long and hard about whether they're cutting someone out because they aren't positively contributing to your life, or because you're expecting some sort of response from them, some apology, or some hurt.
yeah. i'm a terrible person.
several friends i simply grew to dislike. it was never for anything serious or offensive they did. just because i'd... moved on. i'm fickle like that.
but they were never really good friends or anything. i move around a lot, never been in one place longer than a few years. so i guess it was inevitable in a way.
one other person, only because of some seriously awful drama that happens. i still haven't forgiven him. he corrupted me.
several friends i simply grew to dislike. it was never for anything serious or offensive they did. just because i'd... moved on. i'm fickle like that.
but they were never really good friends or anything. i move around a lot, never been in one place longer than a few years. so i guess it was inevitable in a way.
one other person, only because of some seriously awful drama that happens. i still haven't forgiven him. he corrupted me.
Thanks [MENTION=4982]Reverie[/MENTION] and [MENTION=3876]mochi[/MENTION]
Reverie, i wish it was because they thought i was 'good looking'! I can understand that happening to you, you are gorgeous. Lol, only a couple of people in my entire life have thought I was good looking, I normally get 'not bad' or 'interesting'.
And yes, I hate that people mistake openess, kindness and optimism for naivity. Being trusting is one of the most difficult things anyone could ever do, it requires great love and strength. It is certainly not naive or weak.
In regards to my experiences, after some serious self reflection and increased awareness of the situations, i have come to see more of the role I played and the effect I had on others, and the effect they had on me. There was much i didnt understand then and i can see how i contributed to situations and events. Although i was a compassionate and fairly empathatic person then, I was quite distrustful and suspicious of people, based on my own past conditioning. I can see how my inherent attitudes did influence those situations and how some of those could have been quite different. In the past, I sometimes felt like life was 'happening' to me, I couldnt see the great personal power and responsibility I held over my own circumstances. Increased self awareness and hindsight are a harsh enlightening bitch. And it seems Im a slow learner. I needed to be broken many times before I started to 'get' it and open my eyes and ask 'why'. But the lessons have been felt deep. The old adage is still an always true, 'the more you know, the less you know'. And most importantly, 'know thyself'. I am still blind and ignorant, but knowing that fact and accepting it has helped me learn and understand much more.
I have thought much more about these things and in many ways I can safely and confidently say now that I am grateful to all those people and for those experiences. Without those experiences I would never have learned what I have and be where I am now. Every single thing that happened was so valuable and important, and I dont think I would change any of it at all. I still have my entire life ahead of me and the present moment, the infinite now, to live my life in a more positive and healthy way. I am so happy now, everything is great, I have practically everything I have ever wanted or dreamed of, and I have absolutely the most wonderful people in my life that I could possibly wish for. So if everything has bought me to this point- all I can say is thank you to all those people for playing a role in my story. I only hope that I have played a useful role in their story and I havent caused damage that is too harsh. I wish them all well and pray that they can forgive me too. Although there are a couple of people I would still rather not see, all in all they are forgiven and I can value and appreciate them for the souls that they are.
Reverie, i wish it was because they thought i was 'good looking'! I can understand that happening to you, you are gorgeous. Lol, only a couple of people in my entire life have thought I was good looking, I normally get 'not bad' or 'interesting'.
And yes, I hate that people mistake openess, kindness and optimism for naivity. Being trusting is one of the most difficult things anyone could ever do, it requires great love and strength. It is certainly not naive or weak.
In regards to my experiences, after some serious self reflection and increased awareness of the situations, i have come to see more of the role I played and the effect I had on others, and the effect they had on me. There was much i didnt understand then and i can see how i contributed to situations and events. Although i was a compassionate and fairly empathatic person then, I was quite distrustful and suspicious of people, based on my own past conditioning. I can see how my inherent attitudes did influence those situations and how some of those could have been quite different. In the past, I sometimes felt like life was 'happening' to me, I couldnt see the great personal power and responsibility I held over my own circumstances. Increased self awareness and hindsight are a harsh enlightening bitch. And it seems Im a slow learner. I needed to be broken many times before I started to 'get' it and open my eyes and ask 'why'. But the lessons have been felt deep. The old adage is still an always true, 'the more you know, the less you know'. And most importantly, 'know thyself'. I am still blind and ignorant, but knowing that fact and accepting it has helped me learn and understand much more.
I have thought much more about these things and in many ways I can safely and confidently say now that I am grateful to all those people and for those experiences. Without those experiences I would never have learned what I have and be where I am now. Every single thing that happened was so valuable and important, and I dont think I would change any of it at all. I still have my entire life ahead of me and the present moment, the infinite now, to live my life in a more positive and healthy way. I am so happy now, everything is great, I have practically everything I have ever wanted or dreamed of, and I have absolutely the most wonderful people in my life that I could possibly wish for. So if everything has bought me to this point- all I can say is thank you to all those people for playing a role in my story. I only hope that I have played a useful role in their story and I havent caused damage that is too harsh. I wish them all well and pray that they can forgive me too. Although there are a couple of people I would still rather not see, all in all they are forgiven and I can value and appreciate them for the souls that they are.
That's a wonderful way of looking at things [MENTION=4956]Asarya[/MENTION]. This is perhaps the most essential post in the thread.
Eh... on some occassions i personally have found the experience of feeling a justified self righteousness as well as some degree of personal vidication are feelings and experiences that I attach more value to than I do to the 1 or 2 people that i've cut out of my life.
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[MENTION=4956]Asarya[/MENTION]
The beautiful way you see the world is something really inspirational.
[P.S I think you have very pretty features for what it's worth.
)
The beautiful way you see the world is something really inspirational.
[P.S I think you have very pretty features for what it's worth.
)
I had a friend over a period of 20 years who was a Borderline Personality. I valued his friendship for his scholarship -- I could come up with any topic, and he would know three different midrashim or stories on that topic. But he tended to be possessive of me and he was kind of like a bottomless pit in his attention needs, especially in written communication, where he would write entire books and feel insulted if I didn't read them. He would write book-length responses to OTHER people and get insulted if I didn't read them. I had several false stops, where I gave him another chance... I finally created a "no written communication" boundary in order to limit him to dealing directly with me (not only was his writing lengthy, but it was also a way for him to say whatever he wanted without having to deal with feedback). When it became clear that he was deliberately disrespecting my boundary (little remarks on my facebook page, etc.) I finally wrote back a simple note: "Because you refuse to respect my boundaries, I no longer wish to be friends with you. Please do not contact me again." Of course he responded by stating my boundaries were psychotic and he used a lot of profanity, and I remembered I needed to unfriend him. Now he's gone from my life, and honestly, I do NOT miss him. It's sad, but he was just TOO MUCH WORK.
Yes, I cut out my dad. Once I was old enough to recognize just what he was I cut him out and I havent talked with him but briefly for the past 7 years or so. I have already accomplished more than what he did in his life and his lack of effort in life has motivated me to be a hard worker. He is an alcoholic and bipolar and i feel no sympathy for his negative attitude in life even though he is my dad. People overcome obstacles like quiting smoking or drinking, not often, but they do, and it takes a lot of effort and strength to overcome addictions and create a good life for yourself, and nothing is a bigger turnoff to me than laziness or people taking the role of the victim. I think by accepting lesser qualities in the friends you have encourages people to continue on their ways. Its only once they have nothing left that they will wake up. I accept them for who they are and I dont hate them, i just done want them in my life, whether its a coworker, family member, or acquaintance.
I've had to cut my sister out of my life she was becoming destructive. Though it wasn't really a hard thing to do when someone abandons you in a hotel in the middle of city with only a car and half tank of gas.(probably should be thankful for having that much.)
Yes, I cut my childhood best friend off when I was twenty. I didn't want to do it, but the betrayal was so bad I had no choice.
Otherwise I am very forgiving. I've been cheated on and lied to, but always manage to stay friends with my exes. I remain in contact with all of my family, even though half of them are crazy headcases. It hurts me massively to lose people completely. I'd rather keep some kind of contact, and be able to know that they are alive and well.
Otherwise I am very forgiving. I've been cheated on and lied to, but always manage to stay friends with my exes. I remain in contact with all of my family, even though half of them are crazy headcases. It hurts me massively to lose people completely. I'd rather keep some kind of contact, and be able to know that they are alive and well.
If it's a toxic friendship/relationship that wont go anywhere, I cut it off. If it's someone who I'm not interested in getting to know after we've talked a bit, I cut it off. There is no use for me to have toxicity or someone of low quality in my life. As I get older, I'm much more picky about who I surround myself with, because for me - It's quality over quantity.
Yes. And it never works. Usually if they're in my life it's because they're friends with my mom, or my bud's coworker, or my bud's ex-boyfriend. This is mostly my fault, though, because in the past I've been far too lazy to go out and meet people outside my social circle.
Why do I cut people out of my life? If a person is being abusive, nasty, condescending, or is otherwise miserable to be around, I don't hang about. I value my sanity too much to put up with that shit.
Why do I cut people out of my life? If a person is being abusive, nasty, condescending, or is otherwise miserable to be around, I don't hang about. I value my sanity too much to put up with that shit.