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friends

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by toska, Jan 4, 2009.

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  1. toska

    toska Community Member

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    Do you have many friends?
    Do they give you positive support in all of your endeavors?
    Do you give them positive feedback and support in all of their endeavors?
    For what reasons do you continue to associate with them?
     
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    #1 toska, Jan 4, 2009
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  2. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    I believe this is the case with many INFJs---although I don't have a billion friends, i'm not bothered by that. More than quantity, it is quality. When I choose friends, I choose them very wisely. I'm on friendly terms with most everybody, but the people I call my true friends are few. I'm very proud of the friends I make for they are really something else.

    As a "giver", I always give 100 percent of myself when it comes to any kind of relationship---when I have a very good friend, I prize them like gold. Many of my closest friends have been going through some trying times. I've been there for them through everything. Even when they don't tell me they are troubled, I can sense it and feel very concerned for them. I can't help but worry and think about those I love.

    I continue to love them not "associate" with them, because of the respect, love, and joy I have for them. They complete my world and sometimes, it is my friends that will me to go on with hard parts of life. My friends are proof of my worth and proof that there are people who truly love me in this world and life. I gain courage from them and so I give them courage and love in turn. My dearest friends are like blood relatives to me.

    Of course, being an INFJ, and easily getting hurt, I choose my friends very wisely. Although i'm picky and "sharp", when I find someone who I truly admire and love, it's done for. :)
     
  3. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    Do you have many friends? Quite a few, especially for a hard core introvert.

    Do they give you positive support in all of your endeavors? Yes. All of them.

    Do you give them positive feedback and support in all of their endeavors?
    Yes. All of them.

    For what reasons do you continue to associate with them?
    Different reasons for all the different friends. Some because we've weathered many storms together and stood by each other through some of the best and worst of times imaginable and have grown to consider each other as family. Some because they provide intellectual and/or emotional stimulation and satisfaction, and because I can be entirely or almost entirely myself with them, without as much of the filtering/masking required for interaction with most people I encounter.

    I have several people I consider "family" after so many years of friendship (4 of them 30+ years, the other 20+ years). We're scattered all over the country, though, and rarely see each other and often only get in contact once or twice a year, but I'm confident we all consider each other as family, and when we do meet, there is very little adjustment or discomfort.

    I do confess to a little bit of resignation though, because they've seen me through DRAMATIC personality changes over the years, and I often have to weather several cringe-worthy "Lisa Stories" when we get together.

    I have 2 close friends here, one of whom I share a tremendous mutual appreciation with. We first met online in 2006 and then became Real Life friends when I moved down here from CT.

    I have 3 or 4 very close online friends I've never met, and have in the past been very close (emotionally) to other online friends.

    My husband and I still consider each other our Best Friends, after 13 years of marriage.

    From about the time I was 30, my mother and I became the very best of friends, beyond a child/parent relationship. I miss that friendship desperately, and have not and do not expect to ever again have one to equal it. I could be me absolutely without any guise or repression whatsoever with her.
     
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    #3 ZenCat, Jan 6, 2009
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  4. JEFF!?!

    JEFF!?! Newbie

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    Do you have many friends?
    I have a handful of "friends", but I have many "half-friends" or acquaintances, people I'm on good terms with, but don't really pay that much attention too all of the time. I think I prefer the "half-friends" because you can always have a great time with them whenever you see them, but you don't have to worry about seeing them again anytime soon. I feel pressured to talk to my "friend-friends" and let them know I like them, sometimes when their being super Extroverted it's tough but other times I play along.

    Do they give you positive support in all of your endeavors?
    Sure, I guess. All of the endeavors they're aware of anyway. I don't really talk much about my life outside school.

    Do you give them positive feedback and support in all of their endeavors?
    Definitely! I would feel like a crummy friend if I didn't! I give them tons of encouragement and whatnot.

    For what reasons do you continue to associate with them?
    Well...I don't really want to sit alone at lunch, now do I? That was mean, sorry. :) Their a sort of safety zone for me, a home away from home. I feel like bad stuff is less likely to happen when I'm around them and good things are more likely to happen, even if it's just a smile or two, just because they are nice people that seem to enjoy my company. Every once and a while I feel like making a scene and getting a good laugh out of everyone, I want them to like me. There's so many people in school, it's a little overwhelming at times, if I didn't have a handful of people I could just relax around, I would hate the place.
     
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  5. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I'd like to feel more comfortable with "keep in touch 1-2 per year" friendships, but honestly it bothers me.. and I have a few of those.

    If people don't keep in touch, it makes me think that they don't care enough to keep in touch, that I'm not important enough in their lives. And it sucks because I do keep in touch quite well with people I care about, long-distance and all. If they didn't care about me, then that would be fine. It would hurt but I would accept it. But they claim to care - so how do you claim to care (very much) yet never "seem to have the time" to get in touch with them?

    I think I'm being hard-headed, but if you don't get in touch with someone, for whatever reason, doesn't it mean that whatever you are doing with your time is ultimately more important than that person?

    Or am I just being emotionally immature or needy?
     
  6. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

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    No. I have 1 friend, and since I'm having major issues dealing with that friend, I have no one to talk to.

    Yes, except one...which is the problem.

    Yes...and that's the painful part.

    I love my friend deeply. Even though the situation is one of the deepest scars I will be receiving, I do not blame her and I do not blame anyone but myself. I let the situation get out of control, I didn't hold myself to being who I am and I played my pieces unwisely...and now it's most likely going to boot me in the ass so hard that I'm going to be an emotional mess (and I'm INTP :/).
     
  7. Pristinegirl

    Pristinegirl Well-known member

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    Well it depends on what you count as many and how you define friend?

    - I have one true friend, my best friend, whome I can tell everything and simply be without hesitation of being judged.
    - Then follows 4 others whome are the same as above, but don't reach the same confidence-level as the first.
    - Then there are 2 friends who I can be myself with although feel disscomfort and alienated as I might not be like they are even though they think I am.

    Then there are those I only meet at e.g school whome I get along and can have fun with, but dont talk about my inner deep secrets.
     
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    #7 Pristinegirl, Jan 10, 2009
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  8. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I have alot of friends actually. However, there are olny a few who I will never let go of. One of them I concider my best friend (she is an ISTP), we understand each other on so many levels, have pretty much the same set of morals, outlook on life, and belifs about this world of ours. We can share anything with each other without hesitation. The OLNY issue with out friendship is we tend not to speak when we are upset with one another, although this is rare (because she has a low Fi, and mine is high. I feel like I will hurt her feelings and over think it, and she assumes I will just see it and respond, when I usually ignore it).

    I have about 3 others who I will never let go of either, but they are not as close as the first, mostly because there are some areas where we never see eye to eye with. Although we do have ALOT of fun with each other. (types: ENFP, ESFP, ENFJ)

    The rest are just many many people I know and mostly get along with, but I could never form a true close connection with. But we still have fun when we are with each other. I have this nasty habit of being well known by like... everyone, so I invaraibally get along of friends. In highschool, my graduating class had 800+ people in it. And somehow, everyone knew who I was. I came to realise this in talking to my group of friends, who, to make a long story short, kept saying "so and so knows you", and my teacher jumped in and started namimg people who knew who I was. It just happens like that. Alot of it has to do with I seem very extroverted in certain situations. All of this combined explains to me now why nearly all of the ENFP's in my school did flying leaps at me o_O.
     
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  9. gOpHeR

    gOpHeR Community Member

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    Do you have many friends?
    I would say I have about 3 friends and many aquaintances
    Do they give you positive support in all of your endeavors?
    Yes and no. They will alwayse voice concerns, and if they downright disagree they tell me. But when I've made my mind about something they respect it and alwayse wish me well.
    Do you give them positive feedback and support in all of their endeavors?
    Yes, I speak my mind and do what I can to help them attain their goals.
    For what reasons do you continue to associate with them?
    They are my rock.
     
  10. Satya

    Satya C'est la vie
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    Maybe half a dozen.

    Yes.

    I try.

    They keep me sane.
     
  11. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    I think it depends on what everybody is doing in their lives to keep them distant from their friends. In my case, all of us (around the country) were raising small children, often working full-time simultaneously, and one of them is a makeup artist in the film industry, and is generally jetting to, jetting home from, or on location working for long periods of time all over the globe.

    Impossible for all of us with young children to feel resentful if everyone drops the ball. We totally get it.

    Historically, I was the one keeping all of us in touch in the years before the child-rearing kicked in (I had already raised my first child) and everyone acknowledged that was "my job" and was grateful that I took it on. But it's hard to maintain that role when your own hands are full (as mine became when I remarried & had my 2nd child) :)

    I learned a LOT about putting myself in others' shoes from this (ongoing) experience :)
     
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