Easier to be mean?

blueflame

blueflame

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MBTI
INFJ
Why does it always seem easier to be mean to people or look for something to not like than to just accept or appreciate what is there? This is specifically referring to people who don't have a mean bone in their body that are constantly trashed (not talking abut myself but I witness people getting trashed that are great people and it makes me cringe).
 
I think certain people actually attract aggressive or mean behavior from others because of their lack of confidence, intrinsic belief they deserve it, failure to fight against it or a combination of all three. I know that was true for me at one time.

I do think the online arena creates a totally different dynamic within this process since the "weaker" person has the ability to project themselves in a way they don't actually feel (strong, bold, assertive) and that everybody else can resort to being mean when they don't have the maturity or tact to take a different approach.
 
It's incredibly easy to be mean. The sad part is being mean is rewarded more often, because aggressive actions are more visible than non-aggressive ones. Also, results are the primary focus and being mean and aggressive gets results faster.
 
I cannot be mean and I don't find it easier to be mean, as soon as I feel myself becoming angry or feel like going mad. I take a step back and go. "Woah boy, calm down a bit, let's assess the situation here."

Instead of adding wood to the fire that has already started, why not try to make it subside and use water, it might seem harder but it's definately the better way to be. Spread love not hate. Simples. (:

EDIT: I would find it easier to be mean, but I am just not mean in general. :P
 
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It depends on the entire person, actually; and your views of them.


I know for a fact if there was someone I didn't really know, or someone I wasn't exactly cordial with, I would find it incredibly easy to bring them down hard with words.


However, with someone I love, as in *truly love* while I may or may not see the wrongs, I would have a tendency to say what is nice about them. It is just easier.

Although a friend of mine told me yesterday, how she looks for Christ in everyone she sees, I'm sure it would be harder to hate/be mean to everyone if you had that disposition of the world.
 
It's easy because it doesn't require any character, integrity or skill which actually takes a lot of effort to cultivate. It's the Fool's Mate of social dynamics.
 
Great response in terms of being mean in general, but what I don't understand is going out of your way to walk all over them, insult them, take advantage of them etc.... I think it relates to lucid moons detail of the victim. I also believe it is the greatest test we can all face to see our own true nature sort of thing. Example: when you see a wounded animal, do you torture it or help it? Also the theory of conformity:monkey see monkey do. I love your fool's mate metaphor :) by the way
 
It's easier because it makes us look stronger and more powerful; it's one way of earning respect.
 
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I agree with this to an extent.

I'm nice person in spirit. But I probably don't come across as a nice person at times. I noticed at first people like the niceness, and are super nice back. But some later try to convert to "taking what they don't deserve or bossy just to be bossy." The first onset I see this happening, I raise the anti, and start being a prick or not complying. Then the person realizes this, usually after a short period of being "pissed off" at me, but it's really only a test to see what they can and can't take. And realize my niceness should not be confused for weakness.
 
It's easier for mean people to be mean and easier for nice people to be nice. Both categories nauseate me though.
 
Going out of your way to be mean to someone, I have seen it done and it is a huge pet peeve. I always say to myself when I see it done, "Wow, really? That's constructive, now even if they were trying to face that weakness you have just hindered them from accomplishing it, great job guy." Have I been mean yes. I'd like to say most have been deserving, but who's to tell. The only thing i know is Karma is a b****.
 
I would say that is is easier to be...
On some level we still carry our natural instincts and sometimes I think we react to what we sense in others given the present situation. We still carry out natural behaviors such as alpha, beta and omega designations within our social interactions. Perhaps what you notice is the essense of someone being an omega or preferring the lowest level of acceptance within the group. Most people will be firmly in the middle of the herd, perhaps slipping up or down the social heirachy depending on the situation and size of the group. In all ways we teach others how we are willing to be treated. Only in some strange situations would you not have control over how you were being treated and what you allowed to happen to you. Your energy is better served to assist the victim mentality minded person that project on everyone else.

I real life, it is always easier to take an easier path. Kindness and compassion require that you build connections and it is easier to tear something apart then build it. The trade off in taking the energy/time to build, you have safe harbors everywhere, whereas, the destroyer has none.
 
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Sorry if this has already been said. I haven't read the whole thread

Some people are very insecure and feel the need to put others down in order to make themselves feel better.

If you're really insecure it makes sense to attack people who are unlikely to fight back. They want to appear strong without actually putting themselves in danger

This is a real trigger point for my anger. When i see this happening i loose it a little. They also earn themselves an adversary who will fight back.
 
It's difficult for me to be mean to people. I HATE hurting people's feelings. Last time I made my cousin cry and that made me cry.
 
Also I noticed that "weaker" targets become other people's scapegoats
 
blueflame said:
Why does it always seem easier to be mean to people or look for something to not like than to just accept or appreciate what is there?
Click to expand...

It doesn
 
I used to live around people who thought being nice was a weakness (and acted accordingly), but in the end I saw they were very frightened people and their approach was a dead end. I came to reject meanness and still do. Not only do I find it hard to be mean, I see it as a deliberate denial of essential humanness, in which case it becomes impossible. Basic kindness is rowing with the current...meanness means paddling against it, and paddling hard. It is a waste of energy than can be put to far better use.

So....
meanness = difficult
extreme meanness = impossible
kindness = easy
extreme kindness = possibly difficult, but also addictive
 
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I'm a bit scared in volunteering this information about myself: I can be really mean without feeling badly about it. That makes me question my INFJness, but, at the same time, I'm extremely empathetic and can relate to anyone and I want to help anyone I can. What makes me mean sometimes has to do with my sensitivity, I think. My level of integrity is sky high and if somebody hurts me I will go after them to make sure justice has been served. I love justice, fairness, and everyone getting what they deserve.

For me, I don't see it as trying to be evil. I just see it as a way to make peace with whatever happened.
 
No, being mean earns you a lot of hostility. In the short term it is easier to be mean, but in the long term it will ruin your life if you do it too much.
 
Dragon said:
No, being mean earns you a lot of hostility. In the short term it is easier to be mean, but in the long term it will ruin your life if you do it too much.
Click to expand...

Hate to say it but i don't think this is necessarily true if the people around you are just as or even more mean or see meanness as a positive. Sensitivity, consideration, or kindness have not been high on humanity's list of most promoted attributes unfortunately, which is why figures of peaceful resistance and nonviolence will always stand out as unique compared to those who represent the opposite.

We spend more time as a culture putting someone down for not being able to handle meanness than we do holding others accountable for being mean or harsh. Furthermore, you're considered weak if you say that the world is too mean. Most of the time the response to someone being mean is to toughen up and learn to deal with it. This is why the bully will always on some level be more respected than the victim. We see it as a sign of confidence, toughness, and strength when someone is mean, even if it's not the case.
 
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