Easier to be mean?
- Thread starter blueflame
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But i mean, if we really look at our world today, being nice is really a front most of the time for getting people to do what you want them do. It's a commercial exchange. Not that we can ever have completely pure, non-self interested motives, but it's really amazing how far we've taken it. Socially, we are probably the nicest we've ever been socially and publicly (partly because most of jobs are in the service industry) while being exceptionally manipulative and deceitful. Across the board, we are more tolerant and accepting. But we hide a lot under those "nice" faces. And there are fewer than we'd like to think who're actually nice just to be nice. Most feel that they're doing someone a huge favor by being nice. There's the sense that "if only you really knew what i think of you" lying underneath those perfect smiles; which makes us feel we have the upper hand over the person we're being nice to. Being nice is done primarily because it's seen as socially and financially beneficial not because it's a good thing to be and do.
I think we also associate meanness with greater or more intelligence, while perceiving "nice" individuals as being a little clueless or lacking awareness.
I think we also associate meanness with greater or more intelligence, while perceiving "nice" individuals as being a little clueless or lacking awareness.
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Perhaps it is better to say that we carry the assumption that being nice has no value and meanness is inherent in us all. It is possible to stand the line but you must make the conscious choice to face the consequences of your actions. The power of ONE is awesome and we really do have to believe change is possible. Overall, we can lose sight of our best selves and when we look in the mirror that fact will show. Of course, I have been accused of being a Pollyanna too. I would not consider myself a nice person though. I prefer to think of myself as fair. Nice doesn't cut it sometimes.
Agreed all around.
Moreover, not everyone who is "nice" is some kind of pitiable, altruistic martyr who is suffering at the hands of a bullies' "meanness". In fact, many (but not all) of these people are actually just spineless pussies who, inside, are simmering with vindictiveness, low self esteem and passive aggression. To quote George Bernard Shaw, they are "feverish, selfish little clots of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making [them] happy." As social creatures, we naturally hold such individuals in disdain and I see no reason to feel bad about that nor do I think a lot of the alleged "meanness" they complain about is anything more than typical social friction that arises from everyday human interaction.
I mean, I don't want to see anyone get humiliated or brutalized but, really, some people just need to get over their sensitivity and get a grasp on their own value and go get what they're worth. Like it or not, the world is going to be a really awful place until that happens because it doesn't reward whining and mediocrity. It never has and never will. On the flip side, you can make the most of yourself and life will reward that in many ways. The choice is yours but, personally speaking, I would recommend choosing the path of the winner over the path of being a pussy.
Thing is, many feel this way (in bold) and for good reason; they are justified maybe because of harsh treatment from past experiences, etc. But because social darwinism is the new deal today, we don't want to hear someone complaining and discussing how they've been wronged or hurt by what someone has done or said, because we perceive them as using it to get attention or showing an inability to handle tough situations - a sign of weakness. Our society today despises those who ask for pity or seem to be victims, because of the belief that someone is using it to get acknowledgment rather than moving on, or finding ways to overcome the situation or circumstances.
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I assume you mean it's not easy for you.
Being mean is a signal to people that you will stand your ground. It's like a dog barking. We could argue the definition of need, or we could settle that being mean can be effective. This does not mean that if you want something from someone, that being mean is the way to do it.
of course
people are going to think what they think regardless of whether you bark or scream or stay silent and meek, though. it actually has little to do with you and everything to do with their previous encounters with such behavior. you're right that it can be effective though.
I agree that they are often justified in feeling that way. It's also unfair that they need to then shoulder the burden for overcoming it - but that is how life works and one must either accept that and draw character and strength from the trauma or succumb to it and live a miserable life.
Also, I want to point out that there's a difference between going through the normal process of healing (which includes asking for help, grieving, being insecure, etc) and wallowing in self-pity or victim mentality. In my previous post, I was addressing the latter rather than the former. It's not like if some guy gets mugged into a coma, I think he should be berated into waking up and going back to work on Monday. But he owes it to himself and those he's chosen to love and protect to never underestimate his ability as a human being and to consistently advance himself a little more each day. The strength is in the growth regardless of the starting point, not necessarily where one is at an exact moment.
Ah, yeah, true. How we respond to a situation has a major effect on how well we recover from it, as long as we acknowledge that it can be difficult to recover.
From what I've read so far in this thread almost every answer has been different and interesting. What I gather is that is is not necessarily easier to be mean as much as it is the often chosen route to survive and navigate through social situations (be standoffish until you feel ok to let your guard down), but for those who go out of their way when it is clearly unecessary it is more likely because of an opportunistic and ambition driven motive. Being Mean and Nice are ways to get what you want it just depends on whether or not you choose to be agressive and forceful or submissive and charming. Some of it is also based on natural instinct to follow and listen to the tough and forceful one because you are seen as a leader or alpha character. That is why it is easier to find a mate if you appear confident.