You are likely not wrong. On any points. I assumed it because early on we talked about what we were looking for and wanted. I probably projected some on him what that meant to me. I may have missed some clues.
We spent so much time and energy on each other, it just wasn’t conceivable that he was with other people too. Who can do that?? I don’t want to portray him as a bad person, he absolutely is not in any way. I think he just has a way he thinks his dating life needs to be and wasn’t clear enough about it to me.
It is also true that I have an extremely hard time feeling personally safe with other people as my true self. It’s very hard for me. He made me feel safe in the space between us and on a very unfortunate day with crazy stuff going on, it felt like he ripped that rug out from under my feet. I am positive that he had absolutely no intention of doing that. But it happened none the less. I just felt really safe with him, and now I feel really unsure about whether or not I can trust myself to see him clearly. Not trusting my own ability to recognize someone who will devastate me is a big problem for me. The bigger problem is actually knowing for a fact I can’t trust myself because I have been wrong in really REALLY painful ways.
He has kept in touch, but it’s just different now. I feel like I have to keep a distance. I was blindsided. And I think you are right that he felt instinctively that he had done something wrong. I told him he hadn’t really, but that being more clear early on would have been helpful. We are more guarded than before, unfortunately he’d likely have to bridge the distance for us. I’m too scared of it now. He won’t. I don’t think I meant quite enough to him for that effort. I wouldn’t expect him to. Not for someone that he didn’t know THAT well, and to be fair the other women are probably just easier than an overburdened complex scientist INTP. That and he is likely just hanging around because he feels bad that I was hurt.
It’s better probably for me to give up and slink back into my shadow and let men who don’t try to understand me (or can’t) pursue me. Those relationships leave a big emptiness inside of me but, they also like me better. You guys might understand that, I’m not sure, but being an odd person isn’t always fun. The old “you might not get what you want, but you can get what you need.”
Reading about INFJs, if he felt burned by all of this somehow, it’s kinda hopeless anyway. It is just a sad thing for me.
boo hoo. I’ll live. The “F“ function sucks.
