Dreaded INTP falls hard for INFJ | INFJ Forum

Dreaded INTP falls hard for INFJ

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Dopamine, Jul 14, 2020.

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  1. Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    First off, I’m a 1% INTP-Female- so I’m a bit more toward a person who has a lot of empathy, recognizes and understands feelings, feels strong desire to help others. I’m just logical AF about it. I’m a neuroscientist- not a fluffy one, hard core down deep to the atoms. So it is weird to me to feel so discombobulated.

    I am falling for one of your clan really hard. REALLY hard. The “where the F*€£ have you been all of my life” hard.

    It’s confusing, “dizzy twit” doesn’t begin to describe the brain scramble I am currently trying to lasso and keep under control.

    He might be a perfect human being. He doesn’t think so of course. Y’all’s internal dialogue is brutal.

    I’ve lurked here reading and have gleaned a lot of insight. For instance he is fiercely private. You all helped me see that this was just his personality, not an effort to hide something horrendous. He has started opening up in little drips and drabs. He drops clues and I’ve learned that I should let him say “I’ll tell you some day” and mentally dog ear that page. Despite burning curiosity, I leave it alone. But, he does open up sometimes, I can almost hear the hinges of the steel box he stuffs all of these things in, creak and groan in protest. I choose to feel honored he’s trying, but he’s a slow burn and I accept that about him. Because I have read what you all have written I appreciate that this is a big deal to him, to try. So thank you for baring your souls here. It has helped me understand.

    Straight forward honesty here, I don’t have much to say that is profound or bereft of gushy, dizzy, sentiment about what I think about this man. He is simply put- spectacular to me. I finally logged in and made an account because I just needed a space to talk about him. Understanding that he is intensely private I understand that he would feel awkward and uncomfortable if he found out I gushed over much about him to my friends. And I know it would come out that I’d done it, because if he asked I’d tell the truth. I feel honor bound to keep the sanctity of his privacy.

    I feel like this is an anonymous space where I can say these things.

    I would also mention, you guys are really hard on yourselves.

    Perhaps the angels among us always are.

    I feel ridiculous. It’s so good.
     
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  2. CaitlinRae2192

    CaitlinRae2192 Regular Poster

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    Maintain an easy come easy go mentality in this situation. Just go on about life because what if he never feels the way you do? What or whom might you have missed chasing one person? Life is too short for that, besides usually whats meant for us individually doesnt always end up being what we wanted most.
     
  3. OP
    Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    I absolutely understand and appreciate your sentiments here. He’s been really forthcoming about his feelings. He is just as scrambled. We are funny together, it’s all gentle empathy and awkward disclaimers. I’m pretty sure we are crazy about each other. This is definitely not one way.
     
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  4. CaitlinRae2192

    CaitlinRae2192 Regular Poster

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    As an INFJ it would be a dream come true for someone to tell me they were that crazy about me in all sincerity lol..But that could just be an individual thing and not just because I'm an INFJ. In this situation it just baffles me how he isn't into that level of authenticity about feelings to get to know each other. I kinda don't get the opening up in layers unless hes been duped before and wants to see how you roll before he trusts you enough to do that.
    I will say this as an INFJ, I wouldn't want to hurt someone that felt like that about me because I wouldn't want it done to me. Extroverted Feeling makes me consider being in the other persons shoes. So watch out for the fact that he may not want to hurt you but isn't all moons and stars over you.
    If all else fails and it's just leaving you wondering just ask him to be direct no matter what it is. You are entitled to receive the love you are capable of giving.
    Hopefully that helps. :<3:
     
  5. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Well, when you're young it's more important to prioritize the things that need to get done instead of relationships.

    People come, people go. Someone could be answering all of your messages one year, and then run off with a new person the next.

    It's more important to get your financial ducks in a row than to focus on romance. I've made the mistake of getting sidetracked by physical beauty but it's a trap.

    Get fit, get a profession, start a business, run for office. Generally ignore your passions but if an opportunity comes your way and you have the time to seize it, I understand.

    If taken, hold and don't sell.
     
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  6. OP
    Dopamine

    Dopamine Community Member

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    I agree, to some extent. I actually did that. I stopped looking to be loved or understood for close to a decade. Sometime I regret having closed off for so long. But here we are.

    Caitlin Rae, he is relatively open about how he feels about me. He tells me in sweet sometimes startling and sneaky ways. I’ll be saying something else, perhaps a light bit of self flagellation, and he will slide in with a perfectly timed bit of sweetness. Sometimes he is overt. We are both fairly accomplished and have big jobs. We both have a bit of hero worship for the other one’s profession. Funny, one of the ways I know how he feels, is how we both seem to have the same sort of separation tolerance timing since we met. We will both be busy but pop in to ping the other at the same time. He just says it sometimes too.
    He holds more back about his life stories that have emotional weight. I think he is still nervous I might judge him for how others may have treated him, or the treatment he allowed. We both have been alive long enough to have significant swaths of pain we have survived. This feels really healthy. I felt a little awkward posting because there is nothing wrong here, my emotions around this just needed an action. So. I wrote bout it.
     
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  7. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Just say yes to the guy!
     
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  8. acd

    acd jezi baba

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    This is really sweet.
     
    #8 acd, Jul 14, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2020
  9. Reason

    Reason Well-known member

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    I wouldn't take his need for privacy too personally. You never know what could be going on in someone's head. I'm glad you found someone you really care for :blush:

    Welcome to the forum and good luck @Dopamine !
     
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  10. Lady Jolanda

    Lady Jolanda Anti-glitch Bitch
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    You're a neuroscientist, you know what to do. Get his oxytocin levels up! ;)
     
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  11. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    He is a lucky dude to have you around, and yea we are really hard on ourselves.
    If you just make your intentions clear and known, you'll have no problems.
    Don't stay in a place of guessing where your hearts are for too long.
     
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  12. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    You sound ready for this. Good luck!
     
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  13. OP
    Dopamine

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    haha. Oxytocin, I’ve considered feeding him green tea, dark chocolate, and bananas then enticing him to cuddle....
     
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  14. Hostarius

    Hostarius A R C

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    Then cleaning up the vomit six hours later.
     
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  15. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Oxy withdrawal be like
    [​IMG]
     
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  16. OP
    Dopamine

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    whew. No kidding. I’ll take a black licorice after taste jagermeister hangover over that, any day of the week.

    maybe. No, maybe not.
     
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  17. mintoots

    mintoots Also: Tooth, 뚵수, Tootsu

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    Ah damnit. I'm envious.
     
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  18. OP
    Dopamine

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    I guess some of you were right and trying to warn me. Suddenly the perfect thing seemed to just collapse. He got sketchy on me. I’m at a loss. Well, so much for that. Thanks anyway you all.
     
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  19. Aneirin

    Aneirin AKA, David
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    I'm a bit late to the conversation, but what happened?
     
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  20. mintoots

    mintoots Also: Tooth, 뚵수, Tootsu

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    What why?
     
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