Do you share your deeper emotions with others?
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I actually share my emotions pretty easily when I feel the person can understand what I'm talking about. Generally I can't share the really deep, complicated ones, just because they are way too intricate and unexpressable with words. But the ones I can try to put words on, I do. Sometimes I don't think I can, but as I speak it sort of comes together. I had a depressive phase last year and I don't know what I would have done if my boyfriend wasn't there for me to discuss and fathom my feelings with him (generally I would speak speak speak and then cry and he would try to console me :mrgreen: sorry about having taken you for a psychologist...).
Of course I don't do that with people I don't know at all. Though sometimes I do try to explain the way I feel to people who aren't that close to me. It generally works. I've also found that it sometimes make things much, much easier. People are more accepting than I thought. And if they aren't then they're just not worth spending time with. It's a recent thing I have been developping, as I have become more self-confident (I'm not paralysed by everyone's judgement like I used to be, though I still have to work on it). Trying to find the right words in the other person's vocabulary. It's a tough exercise sometimes (especially with dumb Ss :mrgreen:
).
Of course I don't do that with people I don't know at all. Though sometimes I do try to explain the way I feel to people who aren't that close to me. It generally works. I've also found that it sometimes make things much, much easier. People are more accepting than I thought. And if they aren't then they're just not worth spending time with. It's a recent thing I have been developping, as I have become more self-confident (I'm not paralysed by everyone's judgement like I used to be, though I still have to work on it). Trying to find the right words in the other person's vocabulary. It's a tough exercise sometimes (especially with dumb Ss :mrgreen:
).
Part of me wants to be vulnerable, I definitely admire those who are, and the mentality that no matter how weird/embarrassing your stance is, the power of perspective and personal experience can teach others some valuable things, even if it's to refrain from ending up like you. That is more important than pride to me; there is dignity to be found within the motivation.
Being too open will only cause me anxiety though and it's not always appropriate to do so, especially when my best friend is going through a tough time herself. I fluctuate between sharing a lot and being secretive. Sometimes I am the catalyst for self-disclosure, other times the amount I share depends on how much the other person shares.
Being too open will only cause me anxiety though and it's not always appropriate to do so, especially when my best friend is going through a tough time herself. I fluctuate between sharing a lot and being secretive. Sometimes I am the catalyst for self-disclosure, other times the amount I share depends on how much the other person shares.
I agree with everybody on why not to share. I tend to not do it because people tend to but in a lot if you don't know them. It feels like they're trying to change me and I hate it. So I only share with those that are not afraid to hear, will not judge, and most importantly won't try to change it. Also it's really some peoples eyes can tell alot about what's going on in their mind. I tend to put on an E type exterior when I'm depressed but it sometimes gets to me too much and I just can't talk to anyone.
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Irony
This is crazily ironic! I used to think so much into being an INFJ and recently I lost track of who I was within a repetative year of bad situations. Looking at these posts makes me comprehend something I was told by a counselor the other day. We talked about my inability to trust people all the way with my emotions and how I consistantly try to show different emotions to different people so people won't respond to me in negative ways. It makes it impossible to express my true deeper emotions because I am so worried about everyone else. We talked about how showing emotion might make me vulnerable to others... which now makes a lot more sense! I was beginning to think I had lost track of who I am and suddenly I remembered that part of who I identify with as an individual is being an INFJ. And here I am and here I find some comfort in my questions.
This is crazily ironic! I used to think so much into being an INFJ and recently I lost track of who I was within a repetative year of bad situations. Looking at these posts makes me comprehend something I was told by a counselor the other day. We talked about my inability to trust people all the way with my emotions and how I consistantly try to show different emotions to different people so people won't respond to me in negative ways. It makes it impossible to express my true deeper emotions because I am so worried about everyone else. We talked about how showing emotion might make me vulnerable to others... which now makes a lot more sense! I was beginning to think I had lost track of who I am and suddenly I remembered that part of who I identify with as an individual is being an INFJ. And here I am and here I find some comfort in my questions.
I actually remembered something at school today. I was thinking about my past and one of the other reasons I don't like to share my deeper emotions is people then start thinking I'm going to commit suicide or something. I've been thrown into 4 different psychiatric hospitals because I opened not all but a decent amount of my thoughts open to someone who said they wouldn't judge. It really makes me dislike sharing my beliefs with others
Sgt~ Thats a typical knee jerk reaction. Unfortunately these days because there is a possibility for some kind of major meltdown in some places its a legal requirement to report self-destructive tendencies. Any verbal espression of intense physical urges (namely violence against someone or something) needs to be microscoped 'just in case' you are a homocidal maniac (thanks to places like Columbine, the Mall shooting in Omaha, V-Tech, etc).
These days being seen by a therapist is 'bad' no matter that they might be able to give you tools to break out of a funk, or at least view your situation in a different and manageable light.
These days being seen by a therapist is 'bad' no matter that they might be able to give you tools to break out of a funk, or at least view your situation in a different and manageable light.
That I'm exactly fine with. It was just me relating to how much humanity and society sucks and the world would be better without humans. No talking about hurting others or myself. That would never go through my head I am unique and perfect because of it.
I think I can relate to this. There are times I have been quite excitedly talking about something and find it fascinating so I'm sharing it with a person. But then the person reacts with something totally contradictory like, "Oh come on, things aren't that bad are they?" or "Don't be so down on yourself." And I'm stymied why they think this!
I also have a rather dim view of humanity in general, but I've never been institutionalized about it. Then again, I've never gone into detail about it with someone else.
Perfect is a rather strong word to describe yourself with
I can relate to that, sort of. I guess I have some odd interests, and whether something is "depressing" or not doesn't change whether or not I think it's interesting.
There seems to be no one with whom I am comfortable sharing everything.
I open up to some people about some things but I never completely reveal myself to any one person.
On one hand, I admire those who can open up completely. On the other hand, I think they are crazy for doing so.
I open up to some people about some things but I never completely reveal myself to any one person.
On one hand, I admire those who can open up completely. On the other hand, I think they are crazy for doing so.
To tell you the truth I'm not even sure what 'opening up' really is. I find mostly people want to tell you their innermost thoughts but they're really not that interested in hearing yours. Honestly, these days it's almost a shock when someone takes the time to probe or seems sincerely interested. My first reaction is suspicion of course! Lots of people kind of pretend they want to know more but really they just feel obligated because they've bent your ear so much. For them I sort of make up acceptable sounding stuff and they're satisfied.
I don't feel fake or phoney doing this either because my intuition tells me it's the right thing to do.
I don't feel fake or phoney doing this either because my intuition tells me it's the right thing to do.
Precisely! Finding someone who is genuine about wanting to understand is rare, this is one of the reasons I like INJs so much, when they ask, they mean it.
I blab my heart out too easy and become too deep and intense for the listener to bare. Although I am introverted my strong sense of integrity and truth causes me to hide nothing. This really freaks people out and they can't handle being confronted with such honesty.
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I'm perfectly able to; it's not hard for me to express even my deepest emotions, but my learned behavior tells me most people don't really want to know.
Throughout my childhood and 20's, if someone said "Hi, how are you?" I took the question literally, and told whoever it was exactly how I was. I wish I had a screenshot of most of the expressions on those people's faces.
Now I just say "Fine thanks." because I came to understand that they really didn't care how I was. It was a socially accepted polite platitude. I don't tend to say "Fine thanks, how are you?" because sometimes I don't want to know, and most times I don't think I'll be told the truth.
Throughout my childhood and 20's, if someone said "Hi, how are you?" I took the question literally, and told whoever it was exactly how I was. I wish I had a screenshot of most of the expressions on those people's faces.
Now I just say "Fine thanks." because I came to understand that they really didn't care how I was. It was a socially accepted polite platitude. I don't tend to say "Fine thanks, how are you?" because sometimes I don't want to know, and most times I don't think I'll be told the truth.
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I tell people I'm an open book; anyone can learn any of my secrets....at the right time, place, situation, and only if they have a certain emotional state about them.
I can't bring myself to talk about myself to anyone that seems uninterested or judgemental. It just won't happen; it's actually physically difficult to do. And one of the reasons I'm so picky about it is exactly as sumone said; most people just don't care. My sister (ENTJ) even said that to me; she likes knowing about me, but she doesn't care to sit there and listen as I reiterate all my problems.
But I don't actually try to keep my emotions in; I don't try to change with each person. It just sort of happens that way.
I guess I don't mind (too much, anyways). If I really need to vent, then I'll write a blog and hope someone cares to read it and provide some comfort...and if they don't care, or they feel uncomfortable about it, then they don't say anything. Kind of a decent filter system.
I can't bring myself to talk about myself to anyone that seems uninterested or judgemental. It just won't happen; it's actually physically difficult to do. And one of the reasons I'm so picky about it is exactly as sumone said; most people just don't care. My sister (ENTJ) even said that to me; she likes knowing about me, but she doesn't care to sit there and listen as I reiterate all my problems.
But I don't actually try to keep my emotions in; I don't try to change with each person. It just sort of happens that way.
I guess I don't mind (too much, anyways). If I really need to vent, then I'll write a blog and hope someone cares to read it and provide some comfort...and if they don't care, or they feel uncomfortable about it, then they don't say anything. Kind of a decent filter system.
Perfect is a rather strong word to describe yourself with
Perfection is overrated anyway, it's sterile and boring. Imperfection is natural and beautiful.
I would have to say i opened up for a while. for like half a year, life sucks and the only way to make it better is by releasing it. It made my life better. But recently, like the past 2 months or so, life been harsh because i don't have the courage to let it out and let people worry about me. I don't want people to think that I am too dependent.
Yeah, that's hard. I went on foreign exchange and had a lot of difficulty making friends, but I didn't tell anyone that; my parents/friends didn't need the extra worry, and I wanted to feel like I could do it on my own...
But you know, it's when I needed it the most. But sometimes, that's when it's hardest to fess up...
I shared my thoughts/emotions with the least hesitation with another INFJ. My current closest friend is an INFP and I am quite open with her as well.
I don't think it's to do with type though. It's just a matter of whom makes you feel comfortable and safe with sharing, some one who won't judge you, and some one who will understand you.
I feel comfortable talking to psychologists/counsellors - granted there's a bit of hesitation but there is assurance of it being safe and confidential.
And my guy best friend, only because he really was so incredibly understanding and sought to listen to me and know me (I'm also in love with him tee hee hee) and he made me promise I'd never hide anything from him.
hmmm but also I've noticed, I share certain TYPES of information with certain people. So not everyone gets to know the same "secret"
ALSO I feel pretty comfortable on this forum, knowing it's full of INFJs mostly haha. I think I am biased towards INFJs of course
Oh and some times, when I share information and I do NOT get the reaction I hope for, I actually feel dirty.
I don't think it's to do with type though. It's just a matter of whom makes you feel comfortable and safe with sharing, some one who won't judge you, and some one who will understand you.
I feel comfortable talking to psychologists/counsellors - granted there's a bit of hesitation but there is assurance of it being safe and confidential.
And my guy best friend, only because he really was so incredibly understanding and sought to listen to me and know me (I'm also in love with him tee hee hee
) and he made me promise I'd never hide anything from him.hmmm but also I've noticed, I share certain TYPES of information with certain people. So not everyone gets to know the same "secret"
ALSO I feel pretty comfortable on this forum, knowing it's full of INFJs mostly haha. I think I am biased towards INFJs of course
Oh and some times, when I share information and I do NOT get the reaction I hope for, I actually feel dirty.
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