Do you share your deeper emotions with others? | INFJ Forum

Do you share your deeper emotions with others?

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Many INxx’s seem to withhold their true self from other people in their life, saving their deeper thoughts and emotions almost exclusively for their nearest and dearest only.

If you do this, why?

Is it self-preservation? Fear of being found to have flaws or to be different? Shame of who you really are? Fear of being vulnerable? <insert other reason here>?

And how to you overcome?
 
ShaiGar said:
I'm an EN**, and I certainly withhold as well.
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Sure, I guess I've noticed it in NT/NF types in general not just introverts, maybe SJ/SPs are the only ones who do not withhold automatically.

Care to explain your motivation for holding back?
 
I don't see it as something to overcome really. I've been mulling this over and I think the only things I hold back are things that I can't express with words. Intuitive thoughts and feelings I mostly hold back when I know they won't be understood and would lead to someone putting me under the microscope or demanding explanations that I can't give.
 
Close friends, yeah. Not my deepest feelings though, because those are kinda of weird and disturbing, even to me half the time.
 
Similar to Satya, only for those very close to me and even then a bit is held back (the wierder more negative stuff).

I think I do it because I don't want to burdern others with deep negative emotions.
 
i most certainly do

even with close ones, i will harbor quite a bit of myself back cause if they truly knew the how powerful these emotions i have, whether positive or negative, they would not treat me the same nor see me as this rationale person

like the anger part, i get angry yes, and sometimes i will kinda (very little) vent to someone i know... if i just let open the floodgates, i know for a fact that the rage would most likely scare anyone off... i had vented to a fellow INTJ buddy of mine at work, and him knowing how i'm an F type, just stood there while i quietly spit fire through gritted teeth about what had happened (i cannot remember even if i tried)... and then he just quietly rationalized it out for me, and i started seeing it from his pospective...

but yea, when i am happy, sad, angry... my main cover-up or disguise is a calm smile...

but mom had always told me that my one dead giveaway is in my eyes... she has said before that i have the most expressionable eyes...
 
sumone said:
I don't see it as something to overcome really. I've been mulling this over and I think the only things I hold back are things that I can't express with words. Intuitive thoughts and feelings I mostly hold back when I know they won't be understood and would lead to someone putting me under the microscope or demanding explanations that I can't give.
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From my perspective you sound rather emotionally mature and that is generally something that develops over time, therefore I ask have you always been this open with sharing your emotions?

Stone said:
Similar to Satya, only for those very close to me and even then a bit is held back (the wierder more negative stuff).

I think I do it because I don't want to burdern others with deep negative emotions.
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Yup, that's me too, I'd say I don't want to burden them and don't think they'll understand, I also down play my needs over others (not to the scale that an INF would though).

Motor Jax said:
i will harbor quite a bit of myself back cause if they truly knew the how powerful these emotions i have, whether positive or negative, they would not treat me the same nor see me as this rationale person

but yea, when i am happy, sad, angry... my main cover-up or disguise is a calm smile...
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I don't tend to experience extreme emotions so I don't cover up but I'd expect that would be exceptionally draining to keep up a disguise?

HenRick said:
http://greenlightwiki.com/lenore-exegesis/Why_Can%27t_You_Share_Your_Feelings

This pretty much explains it I think.

It's long but I does to the point.
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Thanks for the link HenRick.

Linked page said:
Perhaps the difference between INTJs and ITPs when asked to share their feelings is that while ITPs have more apprehension over expressing their feelings, INTJs have trouble acknowledging their feelings in the first place
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It mentions the lack of Fe which is true for me (doesn't explain you INFJs :? ). I guess I relate more to the INP apprehension of expressing feelings then INJ not acknowledging them.
 
From my perspective you sound rather emotionally mature and that is generally something that develops over time, therefore I ask have you always been this open with sharing your emotions?
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I wasn't allowed to show emotions when I was growing up and it's been a life long battle to trust someone enough to do so. My children opened me up because I was kind of forced to share - it would be selfish to withhold too much from them because they wouldn't be able to learn from my example and experiences otherwise. It's still hard for me though. It's a major thing around here if I cry because it happens so seldom.
 
sumone said:
It's still hard for me though. It's a major thing around here if I cry because it happens so seldom.
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That reminded me of this girl (my age) who cried profoundly about when our swimming coach quit. I thought she was so cute
and fragil. I wanted to hug her but I couldn't (I was five lanes away and it would probably just make everything worse, and
I'm not really extraverted.)
So I guess hug yourself for me :| .

I feel like everytime I huge some one (for real) it seem false and not really authentic and straight from the heart it's
just a symbol of something and not the real thing.

I guess no huggles for me. :cry:
 
Symbols are good too. Most of us do those hugs, you just get used to it. It's nice when you get a hug that connects though.
 
I just reread it my post...
I must of been in a depressed mood.
Today I meet up with family I haven't seen in a while an I loved huging them.
I must of been huging people that I don't really love.
 
((((HenRick))))
 
INFJ's are easily wounded. The reason I don't share my deeper feelings with others is that it gives them a weapon to use against me, and it also leaves me more open to be manipulated by those I share them with.

I don't like being vulnerable. Deeper emotions make you vulnernable.
 
alcyone said:
INFJ's are easily wounded. The reason I don't share my deeper feelings with others is that it gives them a weapon to use against me, and it also leaves me more open to be manipulated by those I share them with.

I don't like being vulnerable. Deeper emotions make you vulnernable.
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Well said...I concur 100% and feel exactly the same way!
 
I share my emotions with only one person thus far. It's not easy, I think I only done it three times. I agree with Alcyone and Entyqua.
 
SoraKage said:
I share my emotions with only one person thus far. It's not easy, I think I only done it three times. I agree with Alcyone and Entyqua.
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Me only one person also....For me its really hard to put some of them to words....The other night however Dh and I Connected and he FINALLY understood about my deeper emotions...so Maybe it will be easier for us now!
 
sumone said:
((((HenRick))))
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Does that mean I'm vibrating?
:cool: Oh yeah.
:oops: Not feeling so good now. To much vibration.

I never share my real deep emotions with anyone only my Dad sometimes.
 
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