Do you feel uninteresting?

[~jet]

I do. And not for lack of interesting things I do or think about or participate in... but for some reason, I really can't recall a time in my life where anyone came to me seeking my attention or wanting to share my interests. I'd always had to try to basically throw the whole peacock onto people just to get them to pay attention (as opposed to the display it normally puts on to attract a mate, if my metaphor wasn't clear enough.)

Why is this? I suppose as a male I'm supposed to be expected to be the seeker as opposed to the sought, but as an INFJ this seriously rubs me the wrong way since I can never know if the attention I get as a result is authentic. I don't think I'm especially fugly, and I'm intelligent enough to have many things to talk about, and good natured and easy going enough that there's no excuse for anyone to ever be nervous about me or what I think. So I'm kind of at a loss...

Insights?

 

[BostonAndy]

I am many things, but uninteresting is not one of them.

I find that people who don't get approached are often the people who either consciously or subconsciously send off a vibe that makes people think you are not really approachable. Your self esteem issue may feel like they are snubbing you from the inside, but it may LOOK on the outside as if you are aloof or disinterested in interacting with others.

I know I tend to not have a very friendly physical affect when I am self consious or not feeling good about myself.

 

[~jet]

You're probably right, but I'm hoping a few INFJs will reply =)

 

[Wyst]

I do. And not for lack of interesting things I do or think about or participate in... but for some reason, I really can't recall a time in my life where anyone came to me seeking my attention or wanting to share my interests. I'd always had to try to basically throw the whole peacock onto people just to get them to pay attention (as opposed to the display it normally puts on to attract a make, if my metaphor wasn't clear enough.)

Why is this? I suppose as a male I'm supposed to be expected to be the seeker as opposed to the sought, but as an INFJ this seriously rubs me the wrong way since I can never know if the attention I get as a result is authentic. I don't think I'm especially fugly, and I'm intelligent enough to have many things to talk about, and good natured and easy going enough that there's no excuse for anyone to ever be nervous about me or what I think. So I'm kind of at a loss...

Insights?

Wow - I can really relate to this.

Usually, I'm never invited to stuff. When I'm looking for something to do and find out something is happening, I ask if I can join. It's rare for me to be officially invited to something with me having had a hand in it somehow.

In fact, usually, I'm the one that does the inviting.

Sometimes this makes me wonder if I disappear if people would even notice because it doesn't seem to make a difference if I'm there or not.

My worst nightmare is that I ever stopped initiating stuff, stopped texting, stopped emailing, that eventually, all I'd ever get would be junk mail and bills because no one would ever seek me out.

 

[Norwich]

Insight? No probably not. I can offer empathy though. My mind

 

[kita]

For what its worth I think your posts are interesting.

I often feel uninteresting too. I think part of the reason is that I'm not very interested in the most of the things that I do, and I somewhat feel defined by the things I do every day.

 

[Bird]

I think humans as a species have just grown to expect too much.
We're not okay with mediocrity.

 

[~jet]

I think part of the reason is that I'm not very interested in the most of the things that I do, and I somewhat feel defined by the things I do every day.

You have have something there; I'm a different person when drained than when energized, and the nature of my life does little to energize me.

 

[whytiger]

I don't get invited to parties or to do things very often either. My more extroverted friends put in an effort to stay in these social loops where everyone texts/emails/calls each other and they go to everything. If you're not in a loop like that, you just don't get invited anywhere. When my ENTP friend went to medical school, he complained about getting pushed out of his loops because he wasn't always available. It seems like rather a balancing act. I think, as an introvert, you have to make an effort to inquire what's going on and ask to participate. That's just your lot in life. In other words, people don't come to you because they assume you don't want to be involved. You have to let them know when you do.

 

[the]

I do. And not for lack of interesting things I do or think about or participate in... but for some reason, I really can't recall a time in my life where anyone came to me seeking my attention or wanting to share my interests. I'd always had to try to basically throw the whole peacock onto people just to get them to pay attention (as opposed to the display it normally puts on to attract a mate, if my metaphor wasn't clear enough.)

Why is this? I suppose as a male I'm supposed to be expected to be the seeker as opposed to the sought, but as an INFJ this seriously rubs me the wrong way since I can never know if the attention I get as a result is authentic. I don't think I'm especially fugly, and I'm intelligent enough to have many things to talk about, and good natured and easy going enough that there's no excuse for anyone to ever be nervous about me or what I think. So I'm kind of at a loss...

Insights?

I think as with any kind of social awkwardness, the only way to know if you are getting "authentic attention" (whatever that means) is to go seek and eventually you will learn if you are getting what you are looking for.

 

[deadred]

I subconsciously feel others would find me uninteresting because I enjoy academic stuff and esoteric material. These are opposites. On the other hand, I am a seeker, and lots of people nowdays are the same. I am an extreme detail person, and I feel like folks would find me inane.

 

[Avva]

No one is actually interesting. Some just make it look like they are.

edit: plus the ones that act like they are are often even less interesting than the ones who don't

 

[rawr]

yes. why? Not sure.

 

[~jet]

No one is actually interesting. Some just make it look like they are.

edit: plus the ones that act like they are are often even less interesting than the ones who don't

I don't know about that; people I like are ~very~ interesting to me and I am always [authentically] keeping up with them and expressing my interest. What confuses me is that this is never reciprocal (much less unsolicited.)

 

[the]

Maybe everyone expects you to ask if you want to attend something since that i swhat you always have done.

 

[Avva]

I don't know about that; people I like are ~very~ interesting to me and I am always [authentically] keeping up with them and expressing my interest. What confuses me is that this is never reciprocal (much less unsolicited.)

Maybe it's just me. At first I'm interested in the person but after a while, once I get to know them, they get less and less interesting. Not that I don't care about them or anything, and I am interested in what is going on with them, but the actual person becomes predictable, and thus less interesting

 

[Gaze]

I don't know about that; people I like are ~very~ interesting to me and I am always [authentically] keeping up with them and expressing my interest. What confuses me is that this is never reciprocal (much less unsolicited.)

In the past i thought it was a wonderful compliment to be interesting, now it's just annoying. People are very fickle. One minute you're interesting and the next minute you're not. If i have to be "interesting" to maintain someone's interest, then i'd rather not interact with them. Too much work.

So, i wouldn't assume that it's you. I think it's a matter of finding the kinds of friends which you connect with who are just as interested in doing things with you as you are with them.

 

[under skies]

I find myself interesting. There are certain people who tell me they find me interesting, and I believe them. Overall, I don't know what most people think.

Personally, I, like you, feel that many of my interests lie outside the norm. I think that is a big part of it. People who share your interests will be interested in your company. The rest probably won't. I don't know if you can generalize how interesting or uninteresting a person is because everyone is interested by different things.

 

[KazeCraven]

I find myself interesting. There are certain people who tell me they find me interesting, and I believe them. Overall, I don't know what most people think.

Personally, I, like you, feel that many of my interests lie outside the norm. I think that is a big part of it. People who share your interests will be interested in your company. The rest probably won't. I don't know if you can generalize how interesting or uninteresting a person is because everyone is interested by different things.

This.

 

[TinyBubbles]

you're not alone, i don't feel interesting either.