There are certain personality traits and other things that I am attracted to that my exes had in common.. but I don't feel I am reliving anything.. I simply have preferences.
Do we relive the first time loves?
- Thread starter Questingpoet
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This ^^.
And overall, they were all quite different, even if they could be compared as it concerned this aspect or that. Also, to engage in such thought tends to leave me feeling uneasy as I know I can't dissect a person into a collection of traits without dehumanising them in some way first. I mean, people may behave in this way or that, or think this way or that, but in my experience people are more process than thing, so what is there to compare (or contrast) anyway?
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As it regards my first-ever love, or perhaps I should say "long-term relationship" (6 years), I can say that I did the best I could given the situation with the resources available to me, but in retrospect, considered through the lens of my current awareness, I did not love her. Not love as I understand it now. I forgive myself that, as I did not know better then.
I could quote Bob Seger from "Nightmoves," but I'll refrain.
cheers,
Ian
I broke up with my first love, went through two bad marriages, a couple of long living together arrangements, and many, many periods of dating someone for a long time, interspersed with lots of dating around, all to end up happily married to someone almost exactly like my first love, except for his hair color. I wasted so much energy and resilience on all of that brouhaha. Both my first love and my husband are ISFJs.
klutzo
klutzo
Isn't this just the result of sexual people having 'types' that they are attracted to, therefore their dates tend to look similar? Everyone has someone who doesn't fit the profile but like I said, most sexual people have 'types'.
I was not only refering to looks, but to personality also. Yes, I am sure we all have certain physical types/features that we are all attracted to. My question is really what are the reasons (for both personality and appearence) for attraction? Does it have anything to do with our first loves? Doesn't this experience hardwire a "type" into our brains?
Hmm. I don't think so. For example, my mother has always liked men with blond hair and blue eyes, even as a child. She became sexually attracted to them in her teenage years but she has always just been attracted to that for no explicit reason.
The personality preferences are more complex, but if we have a 'personality type' then we have 'personality types' that we are compatible with more naturally, don't we?
My first love (even though we were never in an actual relationship; stupid homeschool parents!) and my husband don't really look alike, but some aspects of their personalities are similar.
My first love was 5'10" and about 125 pounds, very small bone structure, rather wiry in build. His hair was black, and he never tanned, he was extremely pale. I would say he was autistic but I don't know if he was officially diagnosed. He was an aspiring sci-fi novelist. However he was not interested in any other art forms. He was a fencer and a geek. He died in a car accident.
My husband is 6'0 and about 215 pounds, large boned but not really muscular. His hair is dark brown, he has hazel eyes. He tans to almost an olive tone. He is diagnosed as autistic and wants to be a fantasy novelist. He's more of a nerd, and he did take up fencing for a bit.
My first love was 5'10" and about 125 pounds, very small bone structure, rather wiry in build. His hair was black, and he never tanned, he was extremely pale. I would say he was autistic but I don't know if he was officially diagnosed. He was an aspiring sci-fi novelist. However he was not interested in any other art forms. He was a fencer and a geek. He died in a car accident.
My husband is 6'0 and about 215 pounds, large boned but not really muscular. His hair is dark brown, he has hazel eyes. He tans to almost an olive tone. He is diagnosed as autistic and wants to be a fantasy novelist. He's more of a nerd, and he did take up fencing for a bit.