This may have been addressed before here, and if it has, please redirect me!
I think I may be working with someone who I may never work with comfortably.
I suspect she is ESTJ. Strongly. Reminds me of Martha Stewart.
Any tips on how to get along with this type? Avoidance better?
To get technical, this is an issue of the cognitive functions that make up each type.
INFJs are Ni, Fe, Ti, and Se.
ESTJs are Te, Si, Ne, and Fi.
We start with introverted iNtuition, a function they don't have at all, which is also a P function - which is the opposite of their secondary P function.
They start with extroverted Thinking, a function we don't have, but also a Thinking J function - which is the opposite of our secondary J function.
Our secondary function is extroverted Feeling, a function that they don't have at all, but is greatly antagonized by their dominant function - Te.
Their secondary function is introverted Sensing, a function that we don't have at all, but is greatly antagonized by our dominant function - Ni.
In essence, what is going on here is a
complete mis-mesh. We not only have none of the same cognitive functions, but our functions are counter to one another, made even more antagonistic by the fact that we are always on P when they are on J, and J when they are on P. The exacerbate the issue, this pattern continues into our tertiary and inferior functions.
Relationships of any kind are going to be strenuous between INFJs and ESTJs, and are going to take a lot of effort on both parts. However, in a work situation, it is going to be next to impossible to get an ESTJ to accomodate if they are in authority (which they often are, due to authority being one of their primary motivations in life). ISTJ relations are going to be similarly strained due to opposing functions, but generally not quite as mis-meshed because INFJs and ISTJs stay on the same J and P proression. However, there can become a really clear 'you're doing it wrong' opposition in the relationship.
To make matters more difficult for INFJs, it is estimated that between 25% to 30% of the population are ISTJ or ESTJ. We have at minimum a 1 in 4 chance that our boss will be an STJ of some sort.
If you add in ISFJ, ESFJ, that's another 20% to 25% of the population - meaning roughly half of the population are SJs of some sort. Civiliation and society as we know it has been designed by and for SJs. This unfortunately gives our ESTJs the sense that they have the right to
know how things should be. The world is pretty much designed to cater to the way their minds work. The inverse is also pretty much true. The world is designed to
not cater to how our minds work.
My advice to you is to figure out how to make this situation work to your advantage, whether that be finding a new job or a transfer at your place of work and hoping you get a boss that isn't an SJ, finding a way to fake it for your boss to make them happy while you are there, or some other way to take control of your own destiny like going into business for yourself or changing career fields into something that will more likely allow you the autonomy to do things the INFJ way - which are often fields where we want to work, like psychology, counseling, ministry, etc.
Whatever you do, just remember that our way is the best way because it is
our way, but it's the rarest of the ways, and the world is full of people who have other ways. We have the unique ability to tailor our way to accomodate them all without compromising our own.
. If I don't want to do something because it is superfluous, but I ask why and I am given a valid reason, I will do it fine, because I see a purpose to it. He then proceeded to tell me that you can't do that because it looks bad, and someone in a "bottom of the barrell" posistion wouldn't dare do something like that. He said that he once and a while mentors interns, and he would fire someone or give them tedious meaningless work if they did what I did. He wants them to do it exactly how he wants and doesn't care if there is another way they want to do it. I so badly wanted to tell him "well, I sure as hell would not work for you, and I don't think anyone in their right mind would. I'd likely file a complaint.", but I didn't as he would just get mad. Just avoid bad ESTJ's as much as possible, there stubborn as ever and refuse to bend anything. It isn't worth the energy.
