Being Alone

Faye

Faye

^_^
Retired Staff
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Is it the case that, at some point in life, and in order to be fully mentally healthy, we must get used to being alone?

It seems to me that it is what must be done. Some people find relationships and women find friendships (gay males too I guess) where they are able to sustain the level of attachment necessary to avoid that feeling. It also varies from person to person. The rest are left only to God and nothing, and I've yet to find a qualification that distinguishes those two categories.

Maybe it is the essence of humanity to be alone? After all, nobody can share your pain or pleasure. If it were not for our evolutionary proclivity for altruism, we wouldn't even "care" for others period. We'd be like a dog- only sticking around as long as the goods keep coming. In many ways, I think we are just like dogs, only more complex.
 
Being alone has always seemed liek something meant to come at the end of ones life so you can reflect before you die. Of course there could be small bouts of aloneness before you get to the end so dont get too worried.
 
I've found tha mosy loneliness is self imposed, and not neccasary. In fact I would go as far to say it's part of te essence of man to be in communion with the rest or man. People are naturally drawn together even those who value solitude rarely enjoy indefinitely.
 
I heard this quote somewhere.

We are born alone, we live alone, we die alone.

nice eh haha

anyway, I actually dont mind being alone. I've gotten used to it. and I actually feel and have intuitions more strongly when I'm alone. emotionally, or physically. like, when I'm with people I like, sometimes the feelings will just drop to a dull ache as i play/talk/hang out with them but when I leave its just BOOM! haha

I think for us introverts, we NEED to be alone every once in awhile to recharge right? I know this is the case for me. as for humanity's essense to be alone. I think its more like... a sweet in a jar of sweets. you are among so many similiar to you but when the person eats you, only you will be eaten by the person. not sure if that made sense. something like..a fish in a school. the fish needs the school to thrive and perhaps survive but in the school, its still just a fish. haha cant think of any good metophers now just woke up ;)

in a way, I also think we're like dogs. I've been conditioning some of my friends for fun sometimes for quite a while already hehe
 
The only person who will remain with you doubtlessly for your entire life is yourself. May as well get used to it. Once it's accepted, you don't depend on people for your happiness and fulfillment--you've unlocked the secret that you alone are fully responsible for providing yourself with those things. We make our own happiness and fulfillment, other people can only add to it. When you are comfortable being alone, you will probably notice that you are less apt to take people in your life for granted, and that you've no reason to manipulate them.
 
I think loneliness and emptiness is the essence of humanity. No matter who we are, to have a drive we can't fully accept the world as it is. Even those who fight to keep traditional values still notice a changing environment and fight against the change moving under their feet.

I think that to accept one's self as a lonely person, and to know and be comforted the nature of one's self alone is an important achievement, which is a difficult and winding path in itself, though we still must accept that we are indeed lonely, and that somewhere inside ourselves we thirst for love.

I disagree, I think that sharing pain and pleasure connects us and helps fill our empty holes. It is possible to share emotions, similarly in the way we can share and build up ideas

Though I can't speak for everyone, I think that a truly divine love is still channeled through the people in the world at large, and the beauty and terror that is our society and our earth, and also importantly what is always yet to be discovered, and the unknown people we may connect with.
 
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acd said:
The only person who will remain with you doubtlessly for your entire life is yourself. May as well get used to it. Once it's accepted, you don't depend on people for your happiness and fulfillment--you've unlocked the secret that you alone are fully responsible for providing yourself with those things. We make our own happiness and fulfillment, other people can only add to it. When you are comfortable being alone, you will probably notice that you are less apt to take people in your life for granted, and that you've no reason to manipulate them.
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great post

learn the secret, my friend and you will be liberated
 
When I feel I've failed at a relationship with another human I think the same, that ultimately we're, or rather I am destined to be alone. I crave for companionship, but not the fleeting kind, the eternal kind.

I have someone I could have been much closer to if I wanted, but I've only realised that after several potentially great opportunities have passed, and I now fear I've lost them. And I fear I'll do this with everyone I feel attached to and end up alone, but not with the satisfying solitary time out feeling, with the if only longing feeling.
 
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acd said:
The only person who will remain with you doubtlessly for your entire life is yourself. May as well get used to it. Once it's accepted, you don't depend on people for your happiness and fulfillment--you've unlocked the secret that you alone are fully responsible for providing yourself with those things. We make our own happiness and fulfillment, other people can only add to it. When you are comfortable being alone, you will probably notice that you are less apt to take people in your life for granted, and that you've no reason to manipulate them.
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we are always alone, even when you have the greatest relationship. Nobody can know what it is to be you, nobody can really feel your emotions, understand your thoughts the way you do.

I think acd is right: when we accept the fact that we always will be alone, we don't depend on people for happiness and fulfillment. And then we can see every new relationship as a gift and accept it the way it is instead of taking it for granted or being unsatisfied because it is (and never will be) as close as you might want to.
 
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man, you guys are making me depressed... :m142:
I've been too lonely for too long, the thought of things staying this way forever really bothers me. maybe I just need to get more in touch with myself? if I try to be content with just being completely alone, it just leaves me feeling empty. I feel pointless and meaningless in isolation, all the Ni and Ti in the world doesn't seem to matter to me if I can't share it with anyone. sure, its easy and fun to glamorize being a loner, even I do it pretty often, but you must all have people close to you that you connect to, right? I go crazy when I'm alone for too long.
 
I too have been lonely. I would describe my loneliness as a wanting to be understood. For others to understand me without me telling them anything. I have only met a few people in my life that I could do that with. When I found out my type I felt less lonely. I understood that others felt the same as I do and that made me feel less lonely. In the end it really is up to us weather we are lonely or not. I went threw a very long part of my life making myself suffer. It was all my own doing. I also find that I can only be myself around certain people. Those that are accepting of my ways know me the best. Those that are not got cut off the list....
 
I'm alone emotionally as well, but I never really lost hope. I've always sort of accepted that I have emotional needs that can only be filled by another person, and always believed that one way or another I would find it.
 
Loneliness and disconnection from others to me, are one and the same. It really bothers me when people say, that "you have to learn to be happy with yourself", but what if in many aspects, I already am? (obviousely, there are things I wish I could change), but it's more of a sharing of my soul with another. That, and struggling with the ambivalence within myself, for resisting that coinnection with others... that's a tough one. I often wonder why that is about me, and I have concluded that perhaps, it is a trust thing. I don't think I could ever put myself through risking being hurt again, when I know how deep I feel, and fall. So yea, I guess it's wanting to be completely understood, accepted for it, and never abandoned.
 
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my natural mode is to retreat from people, to isolate myself, i do this even when i really like the people i'm around. for example, i am currently in a kind of relationship with a guy who i like very much, but the last three times he's suggested to go out somewhere, i've made up some reason why i can't. later on i'm analyzing why i do this and to be honest i still haven't come to a firm conclusion. so being alone is not an issue for me, being with others is harder. every one of my relationships has ended because of me pulling back, most conversations i have end prematurely for the same reason. if the essence of humanity is to learn to be alone, i've already achieved that. now i need to learn the flip side and be ok with being with others..... honestly, even the thought is kind of scary.
 
May said:
my natural mode is to retreat from people, to isolate myself, i do this even when i really like the people i'm around. for example, i am currently in a kind of relationship with a guy who i like very much, but the last three times he's suggested to go out somewhere, i've made up some reason why i can't. later on i'm analyzing why i do this and to be honest i still haven't come to a firm conclusion.
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I do this too. Even if I know I'll get on with someone, I really will avoid spending time with them outside of normal meetings. It really takes a long time before I'm comfortable to do that.
 
May said:
my natural mode is to retreat from people, to isolate myself, i do this even when i really like the people i'm around. for example, i am currently in a kind of relationship with a guy who i like very much, but the last three times he's suggested to go out somewhere, i've made up some reason why i can't. later on i'm analyzing why i do this and to be honest i still haven't come to a firm conclusion. so being alone is not an issue for me, being with others is harder. every one of my relationships has ended because of me pulling back, most conversations i have end prematurely for the same reason. if the essence of humanity is to learn to be alone, i've already achieved that. now i need to learn the flip side and be ok with being with others..... honestly, even the thought is kind of scary.
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I find myself needing to open up more often rather than sinking back into recluse as well. But for me, I just feel like I have to be working, I need to be improving, and while social connections are good, they don't get me the knowledge I need in most cases.
 
NeverAmI said:
I find myself needing to open up more often rather than sinking back into recluse as well. But for me, I just feel like I have to be working, I need to be improving, and while social connections are good, they don't get me the knowledge I need in most cases.
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what knowledge would that be, NAI?
 
May said:
what knowledge would that be, NAI?
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Whatever happens to perk my interest that day! If only I could open the pages of a human mind and read them like a book.
 
When I was young my Dad noticed me taking photos of things and scenery and he said "Make sure you take some with people in them, those are the important ones" and he was right, it's the people we remember.
 
acd said:
The only person who will remain with you doubtlessly for your entire life is yourself. May as well get used to it. Once it's accepted, you don't depend on people for your happiness and fulfillment--you've unlocked the secret that you alone are fully responsible for providing yourself with those things. We make our own happiness and fulfillment, other people can only add to it. When you are comfortable being alone, you will probably notice that you are less apt to take people in your life for granted, and that you've no reason to manipulate them.
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I couldn't agree more.
 
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