Are you always aware of your reasons for your attractions? | INFJ Forum

Are you always aware of your reasons for your attractions?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Oct 16, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    When you're interested in someone, are you always aware of the reasons for the attraction?

    if you're not sure, do you examine your feelings to find out or do you just go with the flow?
     
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  2. rawr

    rawr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    no. but i do try to examine my feelings. I feel if I do not, and just go with the flow, i will be blindsided by the ramifications. I need to understand why, it is not enough for me to blindly follow...
     
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  3. Galileo

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    I've never rushed into a relationship since I was 18 or so, mainly because I'm the type of person who wants something deep and meaningful rather than a short fling, actually the thought of getting into something short term, mostly physical and so on upsets me somehow, inside.

    So for those reasons, if I haven't known what draws me to someone, I have always waited to see if it was something that would pass or if it was something that was worth pursuing. All that said though, I've generally had the same reasons for being attracted to someone, and it's got a lot to do with what I talk to them about.


    remembering of course that I'm blind, so I never have had any sort of physical attraction to anyone, even if I've only heard them, the most they get is that I might like their accent, but that doesn't mean I have sexual or relationship desires upon them. I've never understood, and I don't think I could ever understand, the laws of physical attraction, because they've never applied in my case.
     
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  4. crystaluni

    crystaluni Community Member

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    Yes, I am always aware of the reasons, although, I am not aware of all the reasons why. There must be an intuitive factor at work, and I just either feel it or I don't feel it that we are a good match. I usually perceive right away if we're compatible, in terms of values. And it's a person's values that endear me to him in the first place. Everything else comes after that. But everything else weighs as much as compatible values, so if I don't feel we'd be compatible, I don't feel the zing.

    And it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that zing! :m145:
     
  5. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    Definitely not, at least when I was in high school.
    When I was interested in someone, all my rationalism went out the window and fi took over. When I had a crush on someone I pretty much became an infp.

    These days, I wouldn't even think about getting into a relationship with someone unless I knew I had feelings for them and that we could be together in a deep, meaningful relationship. They would also have to accept my decision to save myself. Seriously, the minute it seems like the relationship is too physical, that's when I think abotu calling it quits
     
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  6. Galileo

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    while I was never interested in saving myself, I was nevertheless totally uninterested in any serious physical stuff until I considered that the relationship was actually pretty serious, and so was he. Physicalities so early on can often prevent the relationship from being recognised for what it is. some people stay with people longer than they should or than is best for them purely because they think the relationship is going really well physically. You've got to know who your partner really is before you get into all that, I reckon.
     
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  7. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Very similar with this :| I mean, I -do- know or have a reasons, but my reasons there are very...superficial. And sometimes it's diverted, twisted and mixed and appeared like making big things out of nothing, and as if I'm making up a reason or something.

    Recently, I'm hoping to be less unaware of this. If I don't know why; I hope I'll know why before going. I don't want to risk anything for nothing. Even pure physical / pheromonal attraction I can (at least for a while) accept.

    But I've never tried to fall seriously lately, so~
     
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  8. orangeappled

    orangeappled Regular Poster

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    When you're interested in someone, are you always aware of the reasons for the attraction?
    Nope. Often I am just curious about them, or there's something that I like that I can't put my finger on.

    Occasionally, of course, I clearly note the person is very good-looking, intelligent, witty and/or has great music taste :D . Then I am SO aware, it trips me up.... I'd rather have these realizations sneak up on me. I am now trying to only date those who I have a real attraction to & see signs of compatibility with, and am not just curious to "see what happens".

    if you're not sure, do you examine your feelings to find out or do you just go with the flow?
    Go with the flow. I figure spending time with the person will help me discover what the attraction stems from, or I'll realize it's actually nothing (just curiosity or friendly feelings...not romantic attraction). If I try and form a feeling too fast, then I feel "pressured". That will turn me off to the person. As I mentioned in another thread, I don't get attached to people quickly. Real affection takes time to grow.

    So, I like to take things slooooow. The people I've been most drawn to beyond physical attraction started off as friends. I need that emotional/mental connection first, and the physical may or may not follow.

    doo-wab di-wab doo-wab di-wab doo-wab!
     
    #8 orangeappled, Oct 16, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2010
  9. Saru Inc

    Saru Inc Schrödinger's Pussy
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    I'm always very very aware of the reasons why I'm attracted. Sometimes, I actually wish there was a bit of mystery.


    edit:



    thats more accurate depictions. hehe. I can get really superficial sometimes...
     
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  10. Odyne

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    The first time I felt strongly for someone, I had no idea why the heck I felt that way. It made me miserable but it also provided me the chance to observe myself and my heart.

    I tried to pay attention to my mood swings and I tried to know why they happened, the things that factored in, and I tried to even understand the person I felt for. The question "Why did I feel that way about you?" was constantly on my mind.

    Now, whenever I like someone or am interested in someone. I know why I feel the way I do. I can explain it, and it makes sense to me.

    It's very difficult at the beginning, but it gets easier with time and observation. Your decisions become more sound, and if not sound, then they make sense at least.
     
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  11. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    no idea
    feelings wise? no. i rarely know why. though I know what i like about her. theres a difference. as in what i like about her and why i like her.

    but for me feelings does not mean I'll go for her. I could like her but not do anything. I'll only go for it if i know that the relationship would work out and would be beneficial for the both of us. I will also factor in as many factors as possible such as values etc to see. if everythings ok, then i go. this resulted in me moving in a little too late the last round though :/oh well, better to learn from mistakes.

    and the good thing is 'cos i made the effort to actually know her, we are still good friends ;)
     
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  12. IndigoSensor

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    For the most part I am. It's rare for me to not completely understand why I am attracted to them. Out of the few people I have dated, I have always understood at least part of the reason I was attracted to them. I have more of an issue if trying to force myself to be attracted to someone I am not. It has caused small issues in the past but I have learned from it, and I haven't made that mistake since.

    In some cases I could see it being a bad thing for me to wonder why I am attracted to someone, as being unable to find a reason for something is often unnerving to me. Doing so can actually remove this inate unknown attraction in the first place.
     
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  13. yepunsarang

    yepunsarang Community Member

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    Yup! Always...I seem to fall in love with my head first. I make sure I'm falling in love for the right reasons and I consciously let myself fall in love. The person needs to earn that. Luckily, what "turns me on" aligns with the rational reasons I have. It creeps me out and disgusts me when someone likes me purely for my looks. When I'm in love, I like to constantly tell my love why I love them so much, what about them makes my heart jump. I think this is the only way I can love because the only way I can comfortably give it is when I give my entire self.

    It's like building a structure? I make the base when I know it can hold something big...and oddly enough, although I might like the person conceptually and *know* I will love them, in the beginning my feelings aren't too strong. It's when we actually create that bond and I see my thoughts actualizing, when my emotions come on full blast. ^^ :m085:
     
  14. corvidae

    corvidae ohai internets
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    I'm far more aware now than I was in the past. Analyzing my attraction has helped me understand my sexual orientation, and the concept of orientation itself.
     
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  15. invisible

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    i could never explain it completely. there is an element of mystery in chemistry. but i'd say i have a much better idea of what's compatible with me than i used to when i was younger, and i'm attracted to a much narrower range of people. actually i think this is the first time in my life i have gone a month without having a crush on someone or feeling attracted to anyone at all.
     
  16. DimensionX

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    Kind of both, if I have a straight attraction to them I want to know what it was that attracted me to them, but I don't go on an obsessive rampage to find out why, so more of a healthy balance between figuring out what I found attractive and seeing how it goes. : )
     
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  17. Praefect

    Praefect Sparkles

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    I wasn't always. And I had a real strange taste in women.

    "WHAT? HER?"
    "Yeah, she's awesome."
    "Her? She's Satan."

    Usually girls that were really guarded and had a hard shell. Seemed unsympathetic on the surface. Cold, even. But all of them had a big warm gooey center. But, well, a lot of the women I went for built up this defensive persona to not be taken advantage of. They will seem like ballbusters from hell.

    Took me a while to realize what it was. I haven't been with a women not submissive in my entire life.
     
  18. Siamese cat

    Siamese cat Madame Cat strikes again

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    When you're interested in someone, are you always aware of the reasons for the attraction?

    I'm aware of some reasons, but not all of them. I usually get hooked because of my inherent curiosity that will probably be the reason for my demise some day, but what the hell, it's stronger than me, I just can't resist it.

    There was an interesting time in my life when I was at the same time attracted to two guys, one very different than me and other very similar to me. They were both attracted to me, and for some reason I chose to be with the one different than me. I still am with him, though the other one from time to time creeps into my life again. And to this day I still find new reasons for feeling that initial attraction to them.

    if you're not sure, do you examine your feelings to find out or do you just go with the flow?

    I examine the hell out of it, and still there are some aspects that elude me. I usually try "going with the flow" approach at some point, but I was never to successful in it. :D
     
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    #18 Siamese cat, Oct 17, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2010
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  19. Questingpoet

    Questingpoet Not Afraid to Use His Beard
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    At this point in my life, yes I am very aware of why someone attracts me (or repels me for that matter). It's something I've thought a lot about over the years. When I was younger I didn't really even think about it. But as you move on in relationships, from one to the next one, I think most people tend to analyse what went right and wrong with the whole thing. And you plan out what you want in the next one.

    So, with time you become much more aware of what attracts you and what doesn't. And good looks start sliding down the scale as you see that doesn't sustain a long-term relationship. Everyone has a minimum standard as far as looks go, but if you are smart you'll look long and hard at all the other qualities in a person after the minimum standard has been met. Finding and staying with someone based primarily on looks alone is a recipe for disaster!
     
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  20. Entyqua

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    hmmmm...usually I just go with the heart...the more I get to know someone the more they attract or repel me.

    I have never really delved into the reasons why, as for pure physical attraction, I have no idea why I like the type of man I do...perhaps from experience I have just learned to spot the type that appeals.
     
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