Are Best Friends Dangerous for Young Kids?

jyrffw54

jyrffw54

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http://momshomeroom.msn.com/?topicId=T7&section=articles&dataId=1217302&source=msn&GT1=25051

So are they? Why or why not? Include experiences if possible.

I think a child can have a best friend.....as long as they don't exclude other people as potential friends.
I had one friend in the fifth grade and when she moved, I was beyond devastated, and spent the rest of the year as a loner, since no one else in my class liked me because I was "stuck up". looking back I sort of feel that maybe I should've made more friends in elementary school
 
I'm not even going bother contesting the idea because the kind of people who'd have a problem with children having something as wonderful as a best friend aren't the type who listen to reason or other people who are not part of their group.
Hell, the article even says right away that the idea is BS. Gotta love retarded generalizations >.>.
 
Are Best Friends Dangerous for Young Kids?
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Not really, and any intervention would probably just make things worse.
 
This is probably my inferior Fe talking but I absolutely detest any kind of intentional conditioning to make people or children more integrated in society.
 
I really think that for the most part, we should have a more or less "hands off" approach when it comes to children. Interfeering beyond teaching them core morals/values and how the world works, can cause too many problems. Most people know better then to make kids not have a best friend; its a nesscarry part of growing up. I can understand schools wanting to break up the pairs, that's fine when it comes to assignments where the pair wouldn't get as much done as they could. However, outright blocking it at all times will just make the kids frusterated (some might even rebel). I remember in elementry school we were never allowed to sit next to our best friends in class. It makes sense because if we did we didn't pay attention as much. We were allowed to pick our seats for the last month or so of school, but by that point we were on our way out so it was seen as alright. However, we were never outright blocked from associating with each other. When we needed to focus, we were made to focus. When we didn't need to, we were more or less allowed to sit or interact with whom we wanted.

In general, I think people should stop focusing so much on childhood development. If we overplay our hands in it we will make things far worse. Let kids be kids, that's really what we need to do.
 
Yes, god FORBID we don't structure and form and script every moment and movement a child makes so that they are optimally productive at every fucking moment >.<
 
IndigoSensor said:
I really think that for the most part, we should have a more or less "hands off" approach when it comes to children. Interfeering beyond teaching them core morals/values and how the world works, can cause too many problems. Most people know better then to make kids not have a best friend; its a nesscarry part of growing up. I can understand schools wanting to break up the pairs, that's fine when it comes to assignments where the pair wouldn't get as much done as they could. However, outright blocking it at all times will just make the kids frusterated (some might even rebel). I remember in elementry school we were never allowed to sit next to our best friends in class. It makes sense because if we did we didn't pay attention as much. We were allowed to pick our seats for the last month or so of school, but by that point we were on our way out so it was seen as alright. However, we were never outright blocked from associating with each other. When we needed to focus, we were made to focus. When we didn't need to, we were more or less allowed to sit or interact with whom we wanted.

In general, I think people should stop focusing so much on childhood development. If we overplay our hands in it we will make things far worse. Let kids be kids, that's really what we need to do.
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I remember we used to have assigned seats EVERYWHERE. In the classroom, the cafreteria, the gym, the music room... And we were always intentially separated from our friends. My teacher's reason: "So yall don't get wrapped up in your little cliques and talk to other people"

Honestly, it's counterproductive to force a child, especially an introvert, to make conversation with someone that they are not comfortable with. The only thing this accomplishes is a school year of awkwardness
 
DoveAlexa said:
Yes, god FORBID we don't structure and form and script every moment and movement a child makes so that they are optimally productive at every fucking moment >.<
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No shit!
Let the kids be kids.
 
There were one or two I could have done better without their influence...

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There were one or two I am glad to have had as childhood best friends.
 
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My best friend made me get stung by a bee.
She also influenced me to get my mouth washed out with soap that one time it happened.
 
Also, I think that the issue is too context-dependent to make a blanket statement. Despite that, I think there would have to be a problem with the particular social environment of a given child for there to be intervention necessary.

To expand on my first post, I think that oftentimes, even when the situation could be handled better, parental or administrative intervention into a child's social life will cause other problems, ranging from an inability to handle one's own problems to a disgust/rebellion towards the interveners.
 
Peppermint said:
This is probably my inferior Fe talking but I absolutely detest any kind of intentional conditioning to make people or children more integrated in society.
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Spoken like a true INTP! :)

I agree and disagree. Helping a child become more integrated into society through hard work and teaching them cause/effect of their actions is useful to the child. Teaching them to be the best they can be from the standpoint of their personality/preferences is also ideal too. Its one of the things I like about the MBTI. A lot of parents treat their kids as an extension of themselves even if the children have a vastly different personality, i've noticed this especially from children of STJ's; its damaging to the child's psyche and self-esteem especially if done on NPs in particular.
 
I think that the dangerousness of having a best friend really depends on the person.
For example, when I was being 'homeschooled', it was really more like a private school with a few kids in the class. I had a best friend because he would consstantly get frustrated with his school work, and my natural inclination was to help him understand his work. We had a really good friendship, and since the other kids were my cousins or close family friends, I felt like I couldn't be exclusive with just my best friend. We never had any real problems, except that he moved away, but there's really nothing I could've done about that.

In public school, however, it's not a sheltered environment full of people that treat eachother like family. It's actually quite harsh and conflict filled. Kids feel like the way to survive is to find friends that will stick with them and keep them 'safe.' Sometimes you get kids who just really like eachother, and their friendship is natural, so they consider eachother best friends. From there, it can go in a lot of different directions. Some things I've noticed from experience:

-Some introverted kids who have trouble socializing and are lucky enough to have a best friend might feel like they need to do everything in their power to keep their friendship. If an introverted child is made to spend time with others to 'prevent cliques from forming,' it usually does more harm than good, as the introvert's best friend is the one person they can trust, and it takes time for them to open up to others. You can't force someone to be more social than they feel comfortable with. I've seen too many teachers and parents try to make people like eachother. It's really quite naive.

-Other kids actually do form cliques. They're usually the ones with the high standards and low opinions of other people for a variety of different reasons. They form alliances to get a sense of power over people, and it usually leads to exclusion and bullying, which I think adults should definitely get involved with if it's too much for their child to handle on their own.

But basically, it's definitely context-dependent, since every child is different.

So I don't think it's dangerous for a kid to have a best friend, as long as the fact they have a best friend is healthy. It can be a good learning expereince to have frienships that don't work out, or arent' perfect, as that part of life is inevitable. I think parents should be willing to talk to their kids about their friendships, be aware of the kinds of people they're spending time with, and give them helpful advice, but let them make friends in a way that suits them, like the article says.
 
If I didn't have one or two best friends in elementary to high school, then I wouldn't have had any friends.

I remember learning in psych that it wasn't really all that important if we had a few or a lot of friends, so long as we had at least a friend, numbers outside of zero don't really matter.
 
SouloftheLaurel said:
So are they? Why or why not? Include experiences if possible.
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Only in certain cases...

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Otherwise, I'd say no. It's possible that a best friend could potentially be a bad influence on one's kid, but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong about having a best friend. Who else would I have to lean on and laugh with about all kinds of completely obscure inside jokes.
 
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