Approaching potential INFJ strangers | INFJ Forum

Approaching potential INFJ strangers

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Feelings, Oct 12, 2009.

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  1. Feelings

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    Hm... hatched an idea. It's actually seems kind of like a derivative of "picking up chicks", but the way I do it and my reasons are probably not quite what that term would conjure.

    Maybe I can just roll right up and approach people I don't know who look like they might be INFJ's. I suppose I'll start with women close to my age. It just seems the least weird. If I'm approaching dudes, or women much younger (obviously not good) or much older, that would be more weird.

    But once I initiate contact, I can't just abandon them the instant I discover that they are not INFJ. I suppose I'll befriend them regardless of what they end up being, but not expect the same things from them.

    So I'm trying to flush out a modus operandi. On a higher level, how will the conversation go? So far I envision something like.....

    Me: (gently) "Hi, how's it going? My name's Pierce. I just wanted to meet you."
    INFJ: Ummm...hiiii.... (looking frightened and unsure, of course)
    Me: Are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality system?
    INFJ: no? (eyebrow scrunching)
    Me: Well there's a certain type that I really enjoy being friends with. They're called INFJ's. I'm guessing you might be one, which is why we're talking!
    INFJ: mmmhmmm.... (more eyebrow scrunching)
    Me: So how's it going?
    INFJ: ok i guess...
    Me: Me too. Just getting a quick workout in before dinner. I've been on this 4 day split for 5 weeks!

    And then we just have a regular conversation etc. etc. Please note I will NOT be sticking to this necessarily word for word, or line for line. It's just a very rough plan.

    I'm obviously a bit scared. Er... any ideas of a better plan?
     
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  2. Raccoon Love

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    lol, I laughed at all your topics you make, typical INTJ behavior to always want to be planning stuff ahead for future possibilities hence the name ''strategists''..you act like if this all a game which makes it funny..personally I would be a bit scared,..specially if I did not know about mbti..but you can try~~xD.
     
  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I like to start with "Hi, I'm Awesome".
     
  4. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    If anyone started a conversation with me on the subject of my perceived personality type, I'd immediately put as much distance between us as possible.

    This is, of course, unless it's a ridiculously cute girl. I'd still be incredibly freaked out, but I might stick around for awhile.
     
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  5. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    last time I will say this, and I will not elaborate on it further: you come off way too strong, and it is a big put off for most.
     
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  6. drsolace

    drsolace Community Member

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    Good idea, but it would probably appear too over the top.

    When meeting a stranger, the 2 easiest methods to strike up a conversation is using the situation you are in (making observations) or to ask the other person for an opinion.

    Be a bit slower when offloading information. Psychology is not usually a field that people are willing to talk to strangers about (unless they are really interested in it of course)

    Perhaps try regular conversation first, and then ask them if they are INFJ. Build rapport with them first before asking them to analyse their world.
     
    #6 drsolace, Oct 12, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2009
  7. OP
    Feelings

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    I always wonder why some INFJ's don't seem to have the intuition to not phrase something in a way to imply a put-down. I hate it, and it causes me to disrespect a certain percentage of INFJ's as a group for their apparent maliciousness because they perhaps don't like the way I come across. So it shows a lack of kindness and lack of sensitivity.

    It may be useful content, but it's offset by a garbage negative insinuation that does not serve me. It impacts my fragile feelings which impacts my ability to accomplish objectives. I keep posting because the aforementioned responses are still useful, and eventually I do get a response that is absolutely gold.

    In other words, stop being jerks. OK, rant over... continue... also, it helps more if you suggest an alternate plan that is feasible and practical.
     
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  8. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    Not to be rude, but grow some balls. I can't speak for everyone else here, but just because I'm sensitive and shit on the inside doesn't mean I can't put my opinion out there. If you don't like it then, well, that sucks.

    Constructive criticism: This just strikes me as one of those ways not to approach someone. Think about it; if you knew nothing about MBTI, how would you respond to some random person asking you about it? Since you suggested a woman, let's reverse roles. You can be the woman, and someone else is the imaginary man. Said imaginary man has been watching you from a distance and has already come to some sort of conclusion without engaging in any rudimentary conversation or even asking your name. Would that not creep you out just a little?
     
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    #8 J. Cardigan, Oct 12, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2009
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  9. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Um, that is how you get a reputation for being a "creeper", sorry. If you go up to an INFJ and just be nice, they'll probably be happy and take you up on the conversation. After you get to know them, bring up typology, probably like on the 3rd or 4th good conversation you have with them.

    Edit: It would work on the offchance that the person does know and understand typology, but that is a very small chance. Most people would just feel like you're speaking another language to them and maybe be weirded out.
     
    #9 Faye, Oct 12, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2009
  10. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    Exactly, most men don't realize how terrifying the world can be for some women. Imagine being 5'2 120 lb person, it would seem the world was filled with gigantic aggressive people.

    Men seem used to just being men and the physically bigger sex, so we dont seem to feel as threatened by the outside world.

    Imagine if you were a woman and some big aggressive dude came up to you with an obvious agenda, started asking you questions about your mind and what not. It would be like "HOLY SHIT! RUN!"

    Pierce I think you should just try to avoid discussion about psychology until way after the icebreaker. And I don't know if its possible for you to find an INFJ woman by looks, that's pretty far fetched. And besides, if you hit it off with this girl at the gym and she was interested in psychology, and she then took the test and came out an ISTP or something like that, your entire premise for liking her will be voided out and she would probably know that.

    My preferred method for getting girls attention isnt to tell them too much up front. Its just to ask good questions. Use your intuition and figure out the stuff she likes, and ask questions about that. If shes wearing a tibetian bracelet ask her if she has been to Asia, if she likes gourmet coffee and lives in a youthful artistic community ask her about art and if she likes painting and such.

    I had a date tonight, it went quite successfully. I told her I could have cofee with her for an hour as an out if I wanted to bail. But we ended up staying or a good 2.5 hours. All I did was ask good questions. I noticed she was living in said artsy community and talked about that, I asked her about a Roman medallion she was wearing after deducing it was Roman and that she must be Italian, and I just lead the conversation with questions.

    By the time we left she was hugging me and asking me to go out again tomorrow, said she feels like shes known me for years ha ha ha ha. INFJness strikes again!
     
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  11. efromm

    efromm Hiding In My Shell...
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    So you call people jerks and then want us to help you? And what does this mean? "Breathing fire and eating small children" I have a small child do you want to eat her? And in which way will you be eating them? Sensitivity really you want sensitivity you don't seem too to me. But what do I know?
     
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  12. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    INFJs? .... More often it works the other way around. I must wait and hope for them to approach me. Because I feel that if I approach them, that would scare them, and they might set their ultimate decision to throw me away from their little sacred space; and then it would be almost impossible to get close again. It's hard. It depends a lot on their moods. And just hope that they like you... for some of their odd reasons. If they like you, then expect a shower of wonders.
     
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  13. Kavalan

    Kavalan Has risen

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    Subtlety and tact are your friends and they are nowhere to be found.
    You are VERY forward in your plan and that will not end well most of the time.

    MBTI is probably not the best opener. I mean it is if that's something that is big in the circles you run with.

    Also introduce yourself early on rather than later. You come of as more friendly/less creepy if you come in and within the first couple minutes introduce yourself than waiting an hour or so. (this last bit is in the context of a college party as that is what I'm familiar with but still good advice)

    And lastly you need to take criticism a little better. Especially since the people who posted before you that you felt put you down were fairly straight forward about what is wrong with your plan.
     
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  14. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    Maybe, instead of talking about MBTI immediately, try saying something like "I like your jacket, where did you get it?" that instantly seems pretty unobtrusive (at least less so than the personality type stuff) and creates conversation. Maybe, after talking for a while (and if they seem to like you, though this is difficult to tell from the initial meeting with INFJs) then start talking about hobbies and say something like "I'm really interested in personality type psychology" then talk about it for a while and finally ask "Would you like to take a test for fun?" then it's not quite as difficult for the INFJ to get involved (and they'll probably either appreciate you including them, or be bored and hiding it).
    So, that's just my opinion of what to do though. I think maybe the way you put it was a little blunt but not bad as long as you draw it out with some friendly waffle (which I know is time-consuming and pretty pointless and INTJs don't like it ^^" sorry!!).
    Anyway, I wish you luck.
     
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  15. Gaze

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    I second this.
     
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  16. Final

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    Exactly this. For instance, to a girl from my class, "What'd you think of that lecture yesterday?"

    Pick something interesting from the surroundings, and comment on it, like the jacket example in the above posts.

    oh, and I highly recommend starting off with, "Hi," waiting for them to respond, and then introducing yourself. If you came up to me, that would bring me back to the real world, from my daydreaming.
     
  17. Top cat

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    i don't think i always go by personality... i just find myself drawn to some people.

    interesting thing is when i took art classes i had always gravitated towards certain people and they've all been people who were very passionate about their work. but i didn't know that at all when i first started talking to them. and the rest of the class i barely said anything to.
     
  18. midnightmelody

    midnightmelody nagging for truth

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    Pierce,

    I think you may want to keep in mind that subtle to other people is the equivalent to a train-wreck in the eyes of the infj.

    My mom always thinks she is being subtle, and well, she isn't.

    I second what indigo said. You are very intense.
     
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