Anything wrong with being feminine?

[VH]

I was using it as a kind of way of showing how masculinity and femininity were equally important in a lot of cultures, so it was fine to be feminine ^^" I can be difficult to follow on trains of thought sometimes, sorry.

If anyone can understand this, it's us INFJs, heh.

Yes, in a lot of cultures, it is considered ideal to have masculine and feminine traits. Men should be more gentile and women should be strong in many many cultures throughout Europe and Asia, even Africa. Highly polarized gender roles seems to be a very American and Mediterranean phenomena.

 

[mooseman]

My world is something you can

 

[Tamagochi]

I love fantasy,,caring for others, introversion and I don't want to change this away. Do you think there's anything wrong with not wanting to change even though it is said to survive in society this is needed?

Raccoon, there's nothing wrong with being feminine or masculine. There's nothing wrong with you being you and me being me. There's nothing wrong with being a dog or a toaster for that matter too Morality is a fuzzy thing - you might have already discovered that or will soon enough (hint Nietzsche's "Beyond Good and Evil").

I don't want to be assertive on what you should do about it - ultimately it's your life and you will have to find your own way through it. You might want to continue as you are or try some new things and adapt.

There are some practical problems with your current appearance (again if you were different you would just have a different set of them). But problems are just unrealized opportunities.

First, it's hostility from your peers and possibly even from your family. It would be beneficial to understand that it's not really about how you appear but rather how other people feel about themselves. A bully for example might try to maintain a macho image and pick up on more sensitive guys - but deep down he's just trying to suppress his own emotions and insecurity about his gender. The sight of you being happy with a "feminine" behavior provokes fear in him and he fights it by becoming angry. And that's why it will largely go away by itself once you and him become adults. During school-years being different is a stigma but in a grown-up world - it's a big advantage.

Second, it's how you will be treated by the girls when you will fall in love. You can read Dragon's thoughts on it here. My further comments on this topic are there also.

Third, there's a certain danger of mental imbalance if you will tend to rely on your feminine side too much. Eventually you might start to think and feel like a girl in a man's body and that would seriously incapacitate your self-esteem. Some people are even driven by it to change their physical appearance into the opposite gender. Not that there's anything wrong with this road but it does have consequences.

If you would just forget about how a stereotypical male should be like and start looking at yourself and other real people - you might find some positive things in being a man that you can emotionally connect to and draw confidence from. It's important to have such a resource of inner strength. Girls for example can easily prop-up their self-esteem by being pretty - you will have to find an alternative to that.

There's a favorite anime series of mine Cheeky Angel (Tenshi na Konamaiki) which tells a story about a 15 year old boy who had been turned into a girl Most movies on this topic are just for the laughs but this one is serious. I was amazed by the depth of her character and how she managed to balance her feminine and masculine sides. That's something I am striving to achieve in my life too.

 

[soulseeker]

NO!!!!!!! SUPER NO!!!!!!

Please don't change!!!!!!!

you're cool !!!!!

i'm not being sexist here again but.... I think that sometimes, societies standards for men are not what it should be ... like men shouldn't cry and all.. i think men should express their emotions and not be called gay!!

when i grow up and have children, i would teach my son if ever i will have a son.. that there's nothing wrong with crying, being sensitive and all that

 

[Storm]

Feminine men are popular in the media right now. Have you seen the star of Twilight or the Jonas Brothers?

But, even they weren't, it doesn't matter because the world is made up of all sorts of people, and feminine and masculine are social constructs that don't exactly mirror reality or even perfection.

I'm guessing from your posts that you are still in high school. During adolescence (and even into the early 20s for some), a lot of emphasis is placed upon identifying with a group (well, there is always emphasis on it, but it's exaggerated in high school). So, people want to place you into a box. Don't worry, you don't have to fit in one.

Of course, social acceptance does have its place. If you want to do certain things, you need to conform a bit (i.e. wearing a suit to an interview). Anyway, it sounds like your just slightly feminine, and that weirds out people who place a great emphasis on social roles. That's all.

 

[Ria]

I have always been a pretty feminine person, not what your average guy would be into. The TV shows that I love, talk about, the fact that I experience a sudden rage of emotions, I cry easily for anything considered ''sad'',the music that I listen too..all has been described as feminine by many, as a matter of fact ''gay'' was one of the words people would always shout at me all the time, after discussing this in the chat, I have been getting some advice, however, some was to stop being so effeminate and like things other guys would typically will, basically change my person because unfortunately in society, this gender stereotypes is what things should be, but I do not want to change who I am. I love fantasy,,caring for others, introversion and I don't want to change this away. Do you think there's anything wrong with not wanting to change even though it is said to survive in society this is needed?

You know Racoon, I just think you're wonderful, just the way you are.

When it comes to gender issues, I think I know how you feel. I myself, am wayyyy more masculine than many other girls (women around me). When I was young, it really bothered me because I felt it set me apart. But it was who I was inside, and that radiated outwardly.

You will slowly become more comfortable with this aspect of yrself in time, but it takes time. Just because you like more feminine things, doesn't mean you're different to other guys. You just are who you are, and gender issues usually are more media related as to how we are supposed to be, than in actuality. Individuality is a wonderful thing, and going against the grain is a great way to make a statement of who you are

You are hurting no one by being yourself, because you represent wonderful things as far as I can tell by your posts!

Maybe if people saw us hanging out some day, they'd see you expressing feminie qualities, while I sat there like an ol' lady with my skater shoes and hoodie, smokin' my cigar, lol stay real