S
Am I considered a pervert?
- Thread starter InTheWomblikeCocoon
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Strange, I have a fantasy that is practically the exact opposite of your fantasy. In mine, I'm forcefully taken by a guy. Mine is definitely sexual masochism.
However, I am a self proclaimed and proud pervert, so that probably doesn't help define whether or not you are.
However, I am a self proclaimed and proud pervert, so that probably doesn't help define whether or not you are.
I'm not sure if this merits counseling, but it does seem like you at least are worried that it could become a problem. You need to find some thing to draw your mind from it. My personal beliefs conflict with sexual impurity whether it be mental or physical. I deal with it by keeping busy this way I don't have time to let my mind rattle into thoughts I ought not be thinking.
So try to find something to focus your attention on, a hobby if you will.
I don't think this makes you odd in the least. If anything, maybe you should find someone who's into it. Maybe you won't physically hurt them if they're willing, but it might be great to be surprised by you every now and then.
If anything -- and I hesitate to reveal this about myself -- I have a fantasy that no can mean yes only in cases where we have a 'safe word', and that for anything to be truly consensual and mutually beneficial, laying out the conditions and availability of the safe word would be so frequent that it borders on the pedantic.
LOL, mature topics anyone?
If anything -- and I hesitate to reveal this about myself -- I have a fantasy that no can mean yes only in cases where we have a 'safe word', and that for anything to be truly consensual and mutually beneficial, laying out the conditions and availability of the safe word would be so frequent that it borders on the pedantic.
LOL, mature topics anyone?
Hm...I have to agree with 00chris00. My personal beliefs are different than most people, and I simply don't value purity. That isn't to say that I don't find it beautiful when somebody saves themselves for marriage, but I also don't condemn people for exploring their sexual desires. As such, if your personal values bring you in conflict with this fantasy, then I suggest you address it. Otherwise, as long as it isn't conflicting with you day to day functioning or happiness, then I wouldn't worry too much about it.
btw it seems like the OP is referring to someone she knows.. so maybe that's a little trickier
yes
But not speaking from experience...
It's exactly what they do in the 'rooms'
...You can cry in agony and kick and scream your lungs out and nobody will do a thing unless you say the magic word. I've seen/heard/etc some pretty (I don't know what word to use) fantasies that can maybe reach ...somewhere close to getting sent to ICU.
yes
But not speaking from experience...Ah flux! I am familiar with this ^^
It's exactly what they do in the 'rooms'
...You can cry in agony and kick and scream your lungs out and nobody will do a thing unless you say the magic word. I've seen/heard/etc some pretty (I don't know what word to use) fantasies that can maybe reach ...somewhere close to getting sent to ICU.
No, you are not a pervert, whatever comes to your mind, or even whatever you do. You are human.
Pervert is a word, created to label and scare people, which only causes more perversion, and is thus the most perverted thing in itself.
Women are interested in everything a man can do, and vice-versa, because we simply have brains, and that's the most important thing about us. If all women around you were forcing penetration on each other, but never had sex with men, and it was considered a taboo - you might have had the intense interest in that, and forcing penetration on a woman might have seemed to you boring. If not you, some other girl would have "deviated" then. She would have come here and asked if she was a pervert, because she wanted to have sex with a man... Anyway, I'm sure many women have similar desires, as yours now, and that's perfectly normal and logical. It would have been strange if no such thought ever crossed the mind of any woman ever. (in the current cultural situation full of stupid labels like "pervert" - which is the only reason why people think so much about such stuff)
Now I'll tell you a "perverted" story then.
I had this idea of a short story, about a strictly passive weak lesbian and a strictly active macho gay man, who eventually not only get together - for the first time with the other sex - but also completely reverse their roles. And they do this only with each other, secretly, while still keeping the same social and sexual status with their same-sex friends and lovers, who would bash them, if they knew. It can be made into extremely deep and complex emotional story, but I'm lazy or too busy to care. This was many years ago, when I still didn't realize how superficial all such notions are. Right now I view all these games and labels as complete childish silliness for grown-up people, if you excuse me being so honest. <;
edit: oh, here's another "perverted" idea, almost forgot - change someone's sex and then have sex only with the same sex, lol.
Pervert is a word, created to label and scare people, which only causes more perversion, and is thus the most perverted thing in itself.
Women are interested in everything a man can do, and vice-versa, because we simply have brains, and that's the most important thing about us. If all women around you were forcing penetration on each other, but never had sex with men, and it was considered a taboo - you might have had the intense interest in that, and forcing penetration on a woman might have seemed to you boring. If not you, some other girl would have "deviated" then. She would have come here and asked if she was a pervert, because she wanted to have sex with a man... Anyway, I'm sure many women have similar desires, as yours now, and that's perfectly normal and logical. It would have been strange if no such thought ever crossed the mind of any woman ever. (in the current cultural situation full of stupid labels like "pervert" - which is the only reason why people think so much about such stuff)
Now I'll tell you a "perverted" story then.
I had this idea of a short story, about a strictly passive weak lesbian and a strictly active macho gay man, who eventually not only get together - for the first time with the other sex - but also completely reverse their roles. And they do this only with each other, secretly, while still keeping the same social and sexual status with their same-sex friends and lovers, who would bash them, if they knew. It can be made into extremely deep and complex emotional story, but I'm lazy or too busy to care. This was many years ago, when I still didn't realize how superficial all such notions are. Right now I view all these games and labels as complete childish silliness for grown-up people, if you excuse me being so honest. <;
edit: oh, here's another "perverted" idea, almost forgot - change someone's sex and then have sex only with the same sex, lol.
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I think that it doesn't hurt to go and talk to a counselor to find out why. If you are having the fantasy alot it has to be frustrating for you. I applaud your courage to ask. The brain can play awful tricks at times. I also think that the fact that you are worried about it is a great sign.
Alright, I'm getting mad now, and I don't get mad very often. I gotta put on the boxing gloves a minute.
This sentence of yours really scared the crap out of me.
Which means, that you think it could happen if you were drunk.
Rape is rape, even if you are a girl, and you might want to hurt another girl. AND, Rape is still rape even if you are drunk. And it's not less rape if it's female on female than any other kind.
FANTASIES are totally different. Fantasize away! Meet people who might be willing to be a part of your fantasy. There are LOTS of people who have rape FANTASIES. I think I read that it's close to being the number 1 fantasy for a lot of people. Who cares? Act them out with someone willing.
But if you actually force someone into doing something they don't want to, then that is criminal behavior.
So, I guess what I'm saying, is fantasize it, and do something about it by meeting someone who has the same interests. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But draw the line. Willing participants only.
This sentence of yours really scared the crap out of me.
Which means, that you think it could happen if you were drunk.
Rape is rape, even if you are a girl, and you might want to hurt another girl. AND, Rape is still rape even if you are drunk. And it's not less rape if it's female on female than any other kind.
FANTASIES are totally different. Fantasize away! Meet people who might be willing to be a part of your fantasy. There are LOTS of people who have rape FANTASIES. I think I read that it's close to being the number 1 fantasy for a lot of people. Who cares? Act them out with someone willing.
But if you actually force someone into doing something they don't want to, then that is criminal behavior.
So, I guess what I'm saying, is fantasize it, and do something about it by meeting someone who has the same interests. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
But draw the line. Willing participants only.
By the way, I also assume that.
Anything else goes into another category - a crime against personality. It still has nothing to do with being a pervert, it's just harming another human. I wouldn't even use the word crime, because it is also an unnecessary judgemental word, but I'll wonder why would anyone want to really hurt someone else against their will. Why the desire to break the true will... I feel the origin of such desire would have nothing to do with sex, but I'm no expert in this, of course.
Again my only explanation for such violent desire would be: because it is considered forbidden. Because it would be declared a crime, and punished. And so the desire is to do it and get away with it, avoid the punishment... and other such crap. The more of those things we introduce as crimes, the more criminal thinking we will induce in ourselves. The more social hatred towards rapists, the more hidden obsessions, and more actual rapists.
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yeah
why would you be a rapist? unless you really do it
uhmm.. are you really serious?
can you control it?
I can be impulsive at times, but that does not mean that I do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it. I do have some self control, and a part of me wants to not have these thoughts and compulsions. I guess what I expected was maybe an assurance that I was not being a sexual deviant and that my thoughts did not place me in the same category as sexual predators.
oh sorry i didn't mean it that way though
and i didn't even say you are one
The main understanding you have to come to, has to be whether these fantasies bother you in any way, if they cause you any sort of stress then they need to be reconciled. If you have any fear of them, You need to reconcile it.
I think that sexual fantasies which involve power plays are often a sign that the person has power issues. Perhaps you aren't getting enough power elsewhere? Or, it could be a sign of your way of dealing with a fear. Do you fear getting raped? Do you fear sexual intercourse? I don't know, I'm not you. But I think just dismissing rape fantasies (that's what it is, even if you don't physically maim the other other person) as just "fantasies" is sweeping potentially deeper issues under the rug. The fantasy is often the way your mind self-medicates itself against that which it fears.
This post disgust me; it's a sign an inability to stand against that which is wrong. You think that calling rape a crime is "judgmental?" What's so wrong with being judgmental. You better believe I will stand up and judge the low lifes of the world. You think the only reason people harm each other is because it's "not allowed?" That's ridiculous. I can assure you that if rape and child molestation and whatever else you want to throw against the wall were made 100% legal tomorrow, people would be getting hurt by sexual predators more so than they are today.
And since when is harming another person "just" harming another? Violating another person's autonomy - whether through violence or sexual contact or imprisonment - is a violation of one our most fundamental rights - the right to our own body. Such violations should be taken seriously, not just on an individual level, but also on a broad social level, such as through the justice system. So that we as a society can stand against them in order to prevent them. So that people who harbor such fantasies might think twice upon acting them out, and those who act upon them might be removed from the general population.
Your argument that crimes are just arbitrary social constructs does not hold water. Modern sexual crimes are based upon a violation another person's autonomy, not some "icky" idea.
This post disgust me; it's a sign an inability to stand against that which is wrong. You think that calling rape a crime is "judgmental?" What's so wrong with being judgmental. You better believe I will stand up and judge the low lifes of the world. You think the only reason people harm each other is because it's "not allowed?" That's ridiculous. I can assure you that if rape and child molestation and whatever else you want to throw against the wall were made 100% legal tomorrow, people would be getting hurt by sexual predators more so than they are today.
And since when is harming another person "just" harming another? Violating another person's autonomy - whether through violence or sexual contact or imprisonment - is a violation of one our most fundamental rights - the right to our own body. Such violations should be taken seriously, not just on an individual level, but also on a broad social level, such as through the justice system. So that we as a society can stand against them in order to prevent them. So that people who harbor such fantasies might think twice upon acting them out, and those who act upon them might be removed from the general population.
Your argument that crimes are just arbitrary social constructs does not hold water. Modern sexual crimes are based upon a violation another person's autonomy, not some "icky" idea.
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Forcing yourself on someone can be desired from two opposite points. It can be part of trust to toy with power and vulnerability sexually. I think it is related to the rough play you can see any animals participate in when friends. Carnivores often form bonds of trust by play fighting really hard. It says "I can bite your neck, have you in a hold, feel aggression, but even with all that I will never actually hurt you". What you describe can either be a way to build and play with deep trust with a partner sexually, or it could be a desire to violate trust. In which way do you think you are experiencing your fantasy?
You had the courage to come and post... That is a start. It does concern me when you say that you are impulsive. Ask yourself honestly, because this is serious. This is why you asked in the first place because you were concerned. If you fantasize about it what is appealing to you. Rape is not a crime of sex it is a crime of power. If there is a part of you that is finding satisfaction over the idea of having power over someone then I don't think it hurts to go into therapy. Especially if you are impulsive. What you are talking about is criminal. It is important to know why you are having these thoughts because I know that you don't want to hurt anyone.
I have no intentions of acting on this. Storm, I do agree with you completely. This is why I asked the question; half of it was my longing for affirmation that this is wrong, although I know that it isn't logical to do something like this and think it wasn't wrong (unless you were mentally incapable of realizing this), there is a "deviant" part of me that desires...sexual coercion with a partner. I just need to make sure the other party is accepting of this role.
I can admit to having similar but different fantasies, but I leave them as a fantasy. It's something for me to consider when I'm alone. For me to act upon them, I would regret it the next day.
My own vice is pain. I'm a fiend for scratching, biting, etc. I enjoy the giving as much as receiving such outbursts of tension, but I find most of my male counterparts don't find it as enjoyable as I do and the romance fizzles.
I enjoy thinking that there is someone (or people) out there who share the same or inverse fantasies as you do. So if you're intent on 'taking advantage' of someone, there is someone out there desiring to be 'taken advantage of'. I feel that thinking this way helps me feel less like a freak and more like I belong somewhere.
My own vice is pain. I'm a fiend for scratching, biting, etc. I enjoy the giving as much as receiving such outbursts of tension, but I find most of my male counterparts don't find it as enjoyable as I do and the romance fizzles.
I enjoy thinking that there is someone (or people) out there who share the same or inverse fantasies as you do. So if you're intent on 'taking advantage' of someone, there is someone out there desiring to be 'taken advantage of'. I feel that thinking this way helps me feel less like a freak and more like I belong somewhere.