When I was a little girl, I never thought that I would be pretty.
I think I almost wanted to intentionally be ugly at that age, because I thought beauty and being girly was dumb and a waste of time. Plus the girls who played with dolls and wore cute outfits all the time were usually either vapid or bitchy or both. I did not become aware that people judged others on physical appearance or that it was even relevant in any way until a certain age--about 7 or 8 years old. Eventually I realized that people preferred other people and things that were more aesthetically pleasing. Come to think of it, I never thought that prettier or cleaner non-human things were cooler... I sort of learned that from others over time as I grew up; in fact, I kind of resented things that others chose simply because of their newness or properness.. it kind of symbolized all the regimented garbage enforced by my ESTJ mom and overly SJ asian family that I hated, and kind of purposefully gravitated towards uglier or ignored things. Anyway, I eventually realized that being aesthetically pleasing would arbitrarily give you major props in society, and the way I looked at it changed.
How did you view beauty in people and things? Did you see yourself as beautiful or expect to be beautiful/handsome?
I think I almost wanted to intentionally be ugly at that age, because I thought beauty and being girly was dumb and a waste of time. Plus the girls who played with dolls and wore cute outfits all the time were usually either vapid or bitchy or both. I did not become aware that people judged others on physical appearance or that it was even relevant in any way until a certain age--about 7 or 8 years old. Eventually I realized that people preferred other people and things that were more aesthetically pleasing. Come to think of it, I never thought that prettier or cleaner non-human things were cooler... I sort of learned that from others over time as I grew up; in fact, I kind of resented things that others chose simply because of their newness or properness.. it kind of symbolized all the regimented garbage enforced by my ESTJ mom and overly SJ asian family that I hated, and kind of purposefully gravitated towards uglier or ignored things. Anyway, I eventually realized that being aesthetically pleasing would arbitrarily give you major props in society, and the way I looked at it changed.
How did you view beauty in people and things? Did you see yourself as beautiful or expect to be beautiful/handsome?