Would you have a relationship with another INFJ?

Ghoulia Yelps

Ghoulia Yelps

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Just wondering.
I tried to and it just about destroyed me.
I'm not even 100% sure of my type, but going out with my twin brought out the worst in each other.
I still love him to death, but we can't even see each other.
 
No, I don't think so. Unless we're working toward a common goal but that seems so unlikely, especially when it got down to details.
 
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what I'm compatible with. But I would say that I probably would...INFJ doesn't define the person, and is only a portion of them.
 
It honestly depends on the person. While MBTI can be a great way to understand why another person functions a certain way, people with the same type can drastically differ. I prefer to make decisions like this on an individual basis. Knowing another person's MBTI won't make or break a relationship for me, but would rather help me understand them, at least to a certain degree. That said, I can imagine there would be a lot of conflict between us if I did date another INFJ, but that could be said about any number of type relationships. I'd rather use Myers-Brigg as a tool of understanding than as a dating decider.
 
I think the problem was he was less emotionally mature than me.
He felt it was getting too deep. I liked that because I have never had such a deep connection with another person than I did with him.
He was actually scared by it. Knowing him made me believe in reincarnation, I still believe we have been together in another life, or are at least from the same soul family, twin flames even.
I have read that very often one of the twins will run away, I guess this is why it happened here.
:-(
 
It sounds like he was afraid of intimacy. He may have been hurt by people close to him and so feels more comfortable holding other people at arm's length; that way no one can get close enough to hurt him again. So it sounds like the problem had to do with his emotional state and not so much MBTI.
I'm sorry, that's painful to go through. :(
 
Mostly no. It would be like dating my sister.
And I say mostly because, well...there is a INFJ girl I met and she's very very attractive. I could look in her eyes all day long.
It depends on the person I guess. There are many kinds of INFJ, some are more easygoing, some are more stuborn and 'hard', and quick tempered, like I am mostly. I don't think I could date someone with my temperament, just...nuts.
 
Ghoulia Yelps said:
I think the problem was he was less emotionally mature than me.
He felt it was getting too deep. I liked that because I have never had such a deep connection with another person than I did with him.
He was actually scared by it. Knowing him made me believe in reincarnation, I still believe we have been together in another life, or are at least from the same soul family, twin flames even.
I have read that very often one of the twins will run away, I guess this is why it happened here.
:-(
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That is not the first possible explanation that popped into my mind.

Anyhow, in response to the OP: I cannot imagine a worse co-dependent relationship than with another INFJ - however, if the model were more like an alliance of two minds - I think it could work.
 
I'd date any type. What matter more than type, is the development of the individual. Of course there are some types I'd likely get along with better than others, but every type has the potential to be a good match.

As far as someone dating the same time? It could be great, or bad. What is bad, is dating a "copy" of yourself, in particular when the bad/negative traits are copied, and you can meet copies of any type.
 
I've never been into INFJ guys. I've always gone for sensors cause they make me feel more grounded. So no, I wouldn't.
 
I would have a short term lesbian relationship with a female INFJ, because I feel like it would be so emotionally validating and kind of spiritual, but ultimately I feel like we'd have a disagreement over some issue that was arbitrary but that we deeply believed in, or there'd be some sort of problem with communication somehow. The fights would be awful.

I don't think I could ever date a male INFJ (sorry guys! although you're probably not missing out on much because that feeling might be mutual) I prefer men who compliment my feelings and spiritual inclinations with a strong command of logic- it calms and soothes me. I only really date people if I can see a future, and given my own inclinations for being emotional and misunderstanding things, being with someone else just like me would be too much. Too dramatic, too frustrating.
 
jupiterswoon said:
I would have a short term lesbian relationship with a female INFJ, because I feel like it would be so emotionally validating and kind of spiritual, but ultimately I feel like we'd have a disagreement over some issue that was arbitrary but that we deeply believed in, or there'd be some sort of problem with communication somehow. The fights would be awful.

I don't think I could ever date a male INFJ (sorry guys! although you're probably not missing out on much because that feeling might be mutual) I prefer men who compliment my feelings and spiritual inclinations with a strong command of logic- it calms and soothes me. I only really date people if I can see a future, and given my own inclinations for being emotional and misunderstanding things, being with someone else just like me would be too much. Too dramatic, too frustrating.
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Another infj would not be just like you. Look at enneagram just to start and then go to the fact that there are so many nuances in individual personalities. Any two well balanced healthy individuals regardless of personality can have an amazing relationship. So never count someone out just because you find out their personality type.
 
Love_Conquers_All said:
Another infj would not be just like you. Look at enneagram just to start and then go to the fact that there are so many nuances in individual personalities. Any two well balanced healthy individuals regardless of personality can have an amazing relationship. So never count someone out just because you find out their personality type.
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If this whole thread is about the question of whether I'd date an infj or not then I think I responded correctly. Not to mention I don't really put stock into enneagram, and I think after dating people I know what kind of men I am attracted to. Besides that- I have met attractive Fe men, and I am aware that it could be possible it just isn't likely. I am the common denominator in my relationships, I know what works for me- this is a subjective response to a subjective thread- if this was asked as an objective thread of "could an infj date an infj" the answer would be a resounding "yes" but this whole thread hinges on "would ".

I suppose the biggest problem would be my own fear of my own weaknesses and a possibility of amplifying them- it has less to do with the other person and more with myself.
 
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Been in a relationship with one for the last 2 years...I can honestly say that she is the best relationship that I have ever had with someone.
I never feel like I have to explain myself, my thoughts, my actions or inactions.
We seem to understand one another on a much deeper level than any of my previous relationships...we can talk, or not talk, stay in (mostly), or go out (rarely), we almost know what the other is thinking a lot of the time.
 
Skarekrow said:
Been in a relationship with one for the last 2 years...I can honestly say that she is the best relationship that I have ever had with someone.
I never feel like I have to explain myself, my thoughts, my actions or inactions.
We seem to understand one another on a much deeper level than any of my previous relationships...we can talk, or not talk, stay in (mostly), or go out (rarely), we almost know what the other is thinking a lot of the time.
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That's exactly the relationship I had, until his family turned on me and he dumped me with no explanation.
We could read each other's minds and finish each other's sentences. We suited each other.
The loss is so great that I now have PTSD.
 
Ghoulia Yelps said:
That's exactly the relationship I had, until his family turned on me and he dumped me with no explanation.
We could read each other's minds and finish each other's sentences. We suited each other.
The loss is so great that I now have PTSD.
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Sorry that his family had that much sway in how he really felt.
Perhaps he wasn’t ready...it sounds like he needs to gain some emotional independence.
 
Skarekrow said:
Sorry that his family had that much sway in how he really felt.
Perhaps he wasn’t ready...it sounds like he needs to gain some emotional independence.
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His family were down right hostile to me, and even resorted to making up stories about me to get me into trouble. They accused me of stalking and sending malicious mail when I didn't, and did their best to convince him I was an awful person who wasn't too be trusted. It was an actual act of character assassination, he knew I wasn't like that but didn't stand up for me.
 
Ghoulia Yelps said:
His family were down right hostile to me, and even resorted to making up stories about me to get me into trouble. They accused me of stalking and sending malicious mail when I didn't, and did their best to convince him I was an awful person who wasn't too be trusted. It was an actual act of character assassination, he knew I wasn't like that but didn't stand up for me.
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I’m sorry...it sounds like it was more the family than him that ruined your relationship.
He too though, doesn’t sound like he had the (whats the proper English term again?) - bullocks (that’s it) to chose you over them...and that is a shitty choice for anyone to have to make. No one should be put in that position.
That along with the lies they spread about you...lies from people you are all-trusting of, because they are your family...and it spells disaster.
Sorry.
 
Ghoulia Yelps said:
Just wondering.
I tried to and it just about destroyed me.
I'm not even 100% sure of my type, but going out with my twin brought out the worst in each other.
I still love him to death, but we can't even see each other.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't. It's more interesting to be with a partner that is different than you; challenging but it will never get boring. I think just being with an introverted partner will drive me crazy. I need someone that can bring me out of my INFJ cave and I doubt other INFJs would do that; instead they would probably just want to snuggle in the INFJ cave with me and we both might never leave the cave and forget about the world. In my younger days this would have been idyllic; but once you experience being part of a serious relationship; you learn that how your partner opposes or supports you has nothing to do with typology and everything to do with their inner characteristics.
 
jupiterswoon said:
If this whole thread is about the question of whether I'd date an infj or not then I think I responded correctly. Not to mention I don't really put stock into enneagram, and I think after dating people I know what kind of men I am attracted to. Besides that- I have met attractive Fe men, and I am aware that it could be possible it just isn't likely. I am the common denominator in my relationships, I know what works for me- this is a subjective response to a subjective thread- if this was asked as an objective thread of "could an infj date an infj" the answer would be a resounding "yes" but this whole thread hinges on "would ".

I suppose the biggest problem would be my own fear of my own weaknesses and a possibility of amplifying them- it has less to do with the other person and more with myself.
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You are missing my point All I was getting at is that you shouldn't judge whether someone is compatible or not simply based on their type. It's completely unfair to think that someone will be a certain way just because of their type. MBTI is very general and broad in its scope. First off from my own experience I have two other INFJ males as friends and we are nowhere near the same our cognitive functions are all we share for the most part. It is this way for all personality types. People are too unique to make a judgement call based on something so trivial as MBTI type. By the way From what I have observed in this forum thus far INFJ people are quite capable and in command of logic.
 
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