Withholding Emotions and Facades Within

[Trifoilum]

Please pardon this humble person's puny attempt on making a good title.

How good are we / INFJs in general in this, I wonder? I'm talking about both external and internal (or self, personal or mental) facades. *maybe --maybe-- compared to other MBTIs?**

I admit I'm kinda good at it.... at first sight. In actuality it doesn't seem that I'm that good at it; it still shows in the form of weirdness or brashness or whininess (bad emotions), or jumpiness and noisiness and weirdness (good emotions) which got worse and worse and..worse....and....uuh, pardon my OOT rambling.

 

[Skathac]

In the past I have projected an alternate representation of myself to have an easier time interacting with people around me. To an extent even without making myself out to be completely different than the personality inside my head, I still have to withhold a certain amount of emotional overflow. It has been my experience that people tend to think there is something wrong with me if I am expressive over everything that affects me. The flip side is when things that should affect a socially accepted normal human being I tend to react rather coldly.

To be clear this is in relation to relating to strangers in the world face to face, I tend to be very open on these forums.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

In the past I have projected an alternate representation of myself to have an easier time interacting with people around me. To an extent even without making myself out to be completely different than the personality inside my head, I still have to withhold a certain amount of emotional overflow. It has been my experience that people tend to think there is something wrong with me if I am expressive over everything that affects me. The flip side is when things that should affect a socially accepted normal human being I tend to react rather coldly.

To be clear this is in relation to relating to strangers in the world face to face, I tend to be very open on these forums.

^^
This.

Among good aquaintances, I'm often told/asked to smile or lighten up.

 

[DoveAlexa]

^^
This.

Among good aquaintances, I'm often told/asked to smile or lighten up.

My father use to say I never smiled. I smiled plenty, just not enough or round him I guess. Though conversely he likes to tell me not to laugh cause it's too loud.
At work, I am STONE. Cept when my buddies come round, then I become a my normal self. Around my boss I am stone covered in ice.

 

[Russ84]

In the past I have projected an alternate representation of myself to have an easier time interacting with people around me. To an extent even without making myself out to be completely different than the personality inside my head, I still have to withhold a certain amount of emotional overflow. It has been my experience that people tend to think there is something wrong with me if I am expressive over everything that affects me. The flip side is when things that should affect a socially accepted normal human being I tend to react rather coldly.

To be clear this is in relation to relating to strangers in the world face to face, I tend to be very open on these forums.

^this is me, to a t.

I still do this. I cannot explain why, I guess I have made it a part of who I am. I guess it makes me feel safe, having a part of me that no one can touch.

 

[Broken Beggar]

I think almost everyone, no matter their personality, projects a very different image of who they are to the world than what they feel inside. Especially an as adult, when conservatism and employment gets in the way, you find this becomes an even greater constant in most people's life.

I find it an extremely lonely way to live. I simple put it out there and hope that it is enough. What you see is what you get.

I find it ironic that INFJs, who are passionate about people being honest with them, are so focused on putting up facades. It's a little counter-productive if you ask me.

 

[Odyne]

I am very good at hiding my feelings. Especially when I'm really hurt. For some reason, my Ti and Se kick in, and I can detach myself from my feelings and analyze the situation rationally. So, it doesn't look like I'm hurting. I usually appear focused and composed. However it doesn't work with people who have strong Ne, like my dad.

If I am feeling good and happy, then no I don't hide it. I show it and try to share it with others.

Hmm, Facades? Sometimes I think my introversion is a facade. Which is why sometimes I doubt my *I*, and tend to think I am an E. I am quiet and calm because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I listen and pay attention to the situation first and then I engage. Sometimes I think I am an ESFJ instead of an INFJ...i dunno.

So to answer your question. Yes, I may not explicitly show who I really am sometimes, but I definitely never pretended to be someone I am not. So far, there's nothing I did or said that was not part of who I am on SOME level.

p.s. I hope I got my mbti's right

 

[just me]

How open are we really?

 

[Rogue]

In the past I have projected an alternate representation of myself to have an easier time interacting with people around me. To an extent even without making myself out to be completely different than the personality inside my head, I still have to withhold a certain amount of emotional overflow. It has been my experience that people tend to think there is something wrong with me if I am expressive over everything that affects me. The flip side is when things that should affect a socially accepted normal human being I tend to react rather coldly.

To be clear this is in relation to relating to strangers in the world face to face, I tend to be very open on these forums.

This for sure...

^this is me, to a t.

I still do this. I cannot explain why, I guess I have made it a part of who I am. I guess it makes me feel safe, having a part of me that no one can touch.

and this...I do seek balance...

 

[rainrise]

yes, what Skathac said!

 

[invisible]

i don't see the point in divulging my inner existence to people who don't care or aren't able to relate, but if someone shows me that they genuinely want to know me, i'm prepared to be as open and honest as i can possibly be, and give them whatever information they ask for. apart from that, i generally find it impossible to represent myself completely, so what people get is what i hope are representative bits and pieces. i try to show that i have a dark side as well as the fact that it's still important to me to try and be responsible about it.

 

[Rogue]

i don't see the point in divulging my inner existence to people who don't care or aren't able to relate, but if someone shows me that they genuinely want to know me, i'm prepared to be as open and honest as i can possibly be, and give them whatever information they ask for. apart from that, i generally find it impossible to represent myself completely, so what people get is what i hope are representative bits and pieces. i try to show that i have a dark side as well as the fact that it's still important to me to try and be responsible about it.

lol I think that everyone must find a balance and show bits and pieces at one time or another. I am more comfortable opening up to a genuine person, as are most people.

 

[TurtleTrooper]

This is a really interesting thread.

I think I'm decent at it when I'm not letting my emotions run freely. Really, it just depends on the day.

 

[invisible]

i've heard people say that there is no true self but only facade, a sort of endless series of masks that we wear for ourselves and others.

 

[Trifoilum]

How open are we really?

....question of the ages.

I think I'm decent at it when I'm not letting my emotions run freely. Really, it just depends on the day.

In short, I myself would / could be best said as this. To my two NTJs friends; they can open themselves more freely with people they're close to; I censor myself more so. Out of affection, or out of fear of rejection? No idea.

So to answer your question. Yes, I may not explicitly show who I really am sometimes, but I definitely never pretended to be someone I am not. So far, there's nothing I did or said that was not part of who I am on SOME level.

Hmm, I agreed, but it also raises question; what consists a facade, and what's not? And what's affecting it ?

I find it ironic that INFJs, who are passionate about people being honest with them, are so focused on putting up facades. It's a little counter-productive if you ask me.

I somewhat agree, but then began to ponder about the cause and effect. Is it what you said, or the reverse, or something else altogether?

 

[Flavus Aquila]

How open are we really?

As little as a situation will allow.

I suspect we are more transparent than I'd like to be. People often know what I'm feeling without my having to say so - but people seldom know what I'm thinking (unless I spill the beans like on this forum).

 

[IndigoSensor]

I am quite good at withholding my emotions and not letting them effect my interactions with others. I can't really stop it from showing on my face when the emotions are really strong within, however I can easily deflect it should someone ask and chalk it up to something else. If I have to talk to someone it usually makes it easier for me to hide it. The exception of course is if I am near a cracking point and someone asks if I am ok, then I could break down and cry (but this is extremely rare). There are also some emotions (anger being one of them) that I can simply will away. It is a goal of mine to retain absolute control over my emotions, but right now I have to work on expressing them more then anything.

 

[Seeking_Self]

ohh.. wow.. great topic. Related to an issue I'm learning to conquer.. lol I have always been sooooooooo closed off.. Emotionally and "Sharing" wise.. Letting someone in was harder then you can imagine. lol It cost me alot too.. but.. as someone here told me.. gotta flex that "E".. lol

Still to a point a part of me is kept locked away.. the most fragile part I assume.. but thats emotional.. the heart. I look forward to what people say here..

 

[bagelriffic]

i've heard people say that there is no true self but only facade, a sort of endless series of masks that we wear for ourselves and others.

i also read this in a book called steppenwolf by herman hesse which is a great read i would recommend it to any infj.

 

[Kibou-chan]

Hmmm... This is a tricky one. As far as covering up bad emotions, I usually try to but those who know me well (or anyone who happens to say something that pushes the "start bawling" button... You know what I'm talking about!) will be able to notice that something is "off" about me. For example, one of my good friends (ENTP) always has to ask me if she's boring me when she drags me along on errands because I will never admit it on my own. (And even when she asks, I always make a non-committal answer like, "I don't care what we do" or "I'm fine with whatever you want to do.") I also use this "mask," I guess you could call it - though I don't really consider it so much of a mask as a beneficial outward display of pleasantness - when interacting with someone I don't like or when someone's telling me about something that bores me to tears. I smile, chuckle, and maybe throw in a generic response here or there, all while my inner world winces in awkwardness. I consider this not a detriment but an asset... Then I can never be accused of being impolite.

But other than that, I always try to let my genuine, cheerful, silly self show through! I'm not afraid to tell anyone anything that they want to know about me, so long as I consider him or her a "safe" person, even if he or she isn't a particularly close friend. If I get a good vibe and feel that click, I'm going for it.

Here's a question I have that goes along with this topic: Does anyone else experience that really weird, closed off and rigid feeling when talking to someone you consider "better" than you? This happens to me a lot. I'm very hierarchial and always have a firm feeling that I'm either equal to or worse than someone else. It's not really much to do with age, mostly to do with that person's personality and talents. If it's someone I consider higher up than me, I have a strange communication problem where everything I say seems flat, rigid and pathetic. I can't seem to find anything of consequence to say, even if it's a topic I'm interested in. It's kind of hard to explain... Mostly I just end up with a lot of "Oh"s and nods and awkard silences, and if I say anything it's usually just repeating what they said. If they ask me something I answer quickly, tersely and awkwardly. I feel like a stone... Not frozen in a stage fright kind of way, but in a robotic way. Does anyone else share this experience?

Sorry if this is a bit off-topic... Maybe I should start a new thread for that question.