Why is he still so nervous around me? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Why is he still so nervous around me?

Jet said:
But do we know that he is being celibate for months? I fully admit I may be missing some background, but nothing in the OP stated that they were exclusive in fact I took her "take it to the next level" to mean that they hadn't gotten serious yet.
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"We slept together early on."
"....see each other 4 times a year"

Hence the jump to
"celibate for many months"

I really do like the NT perspective as it also could be true. I read "take it to the next level" as being exclusive rather than taking it to base 4 from base 1.
 
infj1357 said:
"We slept together early on."
"....see each other 4 times a year"

Hence the jump to
"celibate for many months"

I really do like the NT perspective as it also could be true. I read "take it to the next level" as being exclusive rather than taking it to base 4 from base 1.
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Oh I knew they were sleeping together, but I did not assume that sleeping together = serious ... I too read take it to the next level as becoming exclusive which implies that they are currently possibly dating/sleeping with other people.
 
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infj1357 said:
I think the most intimate thing above the physical relationship is to be the first to say "I love you" if it is true.
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3 people outside of my family have told me they loved me and each time I've responded along the lines of "you are so full of shit"! So for me it seems like the thing that gets thrown out to try to get some, or make a girl feel better about having given some lol.

Now if someone ever busted out with an "As You Wish" a la Princess Bride .... *swoons*
 
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Jet said:
Oh I knew they were sleeping together, but I did not assume that sleeping together = serious ... I too read take it to the next level as becoming exclusive which implies that they are currently possibly dating/sleeping with other people.
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But also between the lines read that if they are in weekly contact and they are making journeys to different countries as often as 4 times a year that they are exclusive but haven't stated it as stating it would be an intimate thing to do.
 
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Jet said:
3 people outside of my family have told me they loved me and each time I've responded along the lines of "you are so full of shit"! So for me it seems like the thing that gets thrown out to try to get some, or make a girl feel better about having given some lol.

Now if someone ever busted out with an "As You Wish" a la Princess Bride .... *swoons*
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the "I love you" statement has to be said away from any pre or post jiggy. And not over the phone. And not "love ya"
 
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infj1357 said:
But also between the lines read that if they are in weekly contact and they are making journeys to different countries as often as 4 times a year that they are exclusive but haven't stated it as stating it would be an intimate thing to do.
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I'm in weekly contact with people I've never met, nor will likely ever meet. It is quicker for me to travel to another country than it is to travel to another state within my own country based on the fact that I live near the border. Nothing was stated to imply to me that the trips were purely for the sake of getting together. I've also had extensive experience with exPat communities and have seen first hand how the vast majority of uber long distance relationships play out.

Again, I don't know enough about this specific situation and OP has not provided further details, nor is she obligated to. But there are a LOT of factors, and after a year I would probably take nervousness as more of a negative sign than a positive one.

Totally not trying to be a downer ... please let me know if I should stop. But I would not just jump to the assumption that it is love or something like that when based on what information was currently provided it is highly improbable that is the reason behind it.
 
Seeing all the parts individually and not knowing all the information can lead to said conclusion @Jet . But underneath all that has been said I have a sense that he is interested and possibly in love - hence the nervousness.

One can only wait and see...
 
Artemisia said:
I just told him not to be nervous around me, not WHY I make him nervous. That is a bit too personal I feel.
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I think your answer is probably here. If you don't even feel you can ask him how he is feeling, or that to do so is too personal. Why do you feel like that, since you have already been physically intimate ? If I had been that close with someone physically, I'd want to feel free to talk, hold hands, the works. I think if he is nervous, it might mean he is waiting for some kind of response from you, that you have not yet given, like asking how he feels ?

Maybe give it a try, he might say something you like, or don't like, but either way at least you will know. Go wild, maybe give him a hug. Guy's like that. They just don't want to ask.
 
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He was nervous with me from the beginning. On our first date, he was shaking. I was expwcting the nervousness to go away after we slept together and later after I told him how much I like him (didn't mention love).
I'm surprised that no one mentioned the age difference yet.
 
The age difference wasn't mentioned as I see it as a non issue.
Two of my friends have been together and married for 11 years. She is 8 years older than he. A non issue for them and their families. Where love presides age doesn't come into it.
 
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how can you be physically intimate and want to take it to the next level and even went out of your way just to see each other 4 times, when you can't even be open about how each of you feels? :expressionless::expressionless::expressionless:

or you want us to validate your hunch that you make him nervous because he has greater feelings towards you?

personally, i would just straight up ask. if you want it to go further be honest. If the nervousness bugs you, then tell him or ask him straight up why. If it's personal, he would say it. For all we know we assume here that he is in love with you when he could be fidgeting because of your strong personality, :tongueclosed::tongueclosed::tongueclosed:
 
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Artemisia said:
The thing is that he is still very nervous around me even after one year of knowing me. When we hang out together in public, he stares at me and has a sweet smile on his face but expects me to go in for the kiss unless he is drunk. Sometimes he is shaking in my presence and I feel like he tries hard to seem appealing to me.

I wish he'd relax so we can move the relationship forward. I compliment him all the time, touch him, and seek his company first. I don't know what to do to make him relax more.
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I would think it's alright to ask why he's nervous. Reassure him about your feeling for him, so his not going to be undermined...you see him, and you love (whatever) him anyway. Surely that would be a relief and reaffirming for him. Like saying it doesn't matter to you, you just want him to feel comfortable.
 
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I don't know, guys. My guess is that he is conflicted. He is an INFP and they tend to a) take their time to sort through their emotions and b) not know what they are feeling sometimes.
As I said, he is really nice and I have expressed to him that I care a lot, but he seems to not be able to talk about his feelings unless he's had alcohol.
The other day I sent him a messages telling him that I missed him and he should come to my city soon (he was on his way). He never replied with "I miss you too" but once he was off the plane he wanted to see me. On the other hand, my birthday was last week and he never wished me happy birthday, although to be fair he did not have internet on that day.
Maybe I am just reading too much into it.
 
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:m071::m071::m071::m071: i just read the 7 year gap... i wonder.... i'm curious....can you PLEASE send a selfie on picture thread or pm it to me and then tell me the secret on how to catch young men :m158::m158::m158:
 
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No need to be sarcastic, bellisima. Frankly, you sound like a negative person. Oh, and by the way, I don't take selfies and I don't send them to strangers. :)
 
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