Black Swan
Community Member
- MBTI
- INFJ
I think I may have been in denial. I think a major reason why I dislike people in general, is that they mirror back my own flaws. And since I have many, there are many reasons to dislike others. Despite efforts to be more compassionate, less judging of others, and trying to remind myself that we're more alike than we are different, I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to lose the filter and begin spouting out whatever comes to mind first. Is that freedom? If I can say whatever I want and not have guilt...wouldn't I be free?
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm envious of the Shai Gars of the world. I want to say what I want to say and do what I want to do, be who I am, and not worry about being the better person or forcing myself to take the "high road". Why is the "high road" better anyway? I used to think because it would lead to inner peace and fulfillment. Right now, I'm thinking screw the high road, it's caused me nothing but alienation, regret, exhaustion, and acidic feelings.
Compassion... I don't like giving it because I don't think most people deserve it. I think most people deserve a wake-up call in the form of a foot in their ass. I honestly feel this way...and as I read what I just wrote, I feel GUILT. I can't even be angry without feeling effin' guilty. I think this is why I have a profound respect for total assholes and completely loving, compassionate people. Everyone in between is screwed.
I need to sleep. On a sidenote, I watched the movie Role Models today and I think it also contributed to me posting this. I am Paul Rudd's character, all I need now is a minotaur truck and some ambiens.
I never thought I'd say this, but I'm envious of the Shai Gars of the world. I want to say what I want to say and do what I want to do, be who I am, and not worry about being the better person or forcing myself to take the "high road". Why is the "high road" better anyway? I used to think because it would lead to inner peace and fulfillment. Right now, I'm thinking screw the high road, it's caused me nothing but alienation, regret, exhaustion, and acidic feelings.
Compassion... I don't like giving it because I don't think most people deserve it. I think most people deserve a wake-up call in the form of a foot in their ass. I honestly feel this way...and as I read what I just wrote, I feel GUILT. I can't even be angry without feeling effin' guilty. I think this is why I have a profound respect for total assholes and completely loving, compassionate people. Everyone in between is screwed.
I need to sleep. On a sidenote, I watched the movie Role Models today and I think it also contributed to me posting this. I am Paul Rudd's character, all I need now is a minotaur truck and some ambiens.