Why I don't like people. | INFJ Forum

Why I don't like people.

Black Swan

Black Swan

Community Member
Sep 28, 2008
453
42
175
MBTI
INFJ
I think I may have been in denial. I think a major reason why I dislike people in general, is that they mirror back my own flaws. And since I have many, there are many reasons to dislike others. Despite efforts to be more compassionate, less judging of others, and trying to remind myself that we're more alike than we are different, I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to lose the filter and begin spouting out whatever comes to mind first. Is that freedom? If I can say whatever I want and not have guilt...wouldn't I be free?

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm envious of the Shai Gars of the world. I want to say what I want to say and do what I want to do, be who I am, and not worry about being the better person or forcing myself to take the "high road". Why is the "high road" better anyway? I used to think because it would lead to inner peace and fulfillment. Right now, I'm thinking screw the high road, it's caused me nothing but alienation, regret, exhaustion, and acidic feelings.

Compassion... I don't like giving it because I don't think most people deserve it. I think most people deserve a wake-up call in the form of a foot in their ass. I honestly feel this way...and as I read what I just wrote, I feel GUILT. I can't even be angry without feeling effin' guilty. I think this is why I have a profound respect for total assholes and completely loving, compassionate people. Everyone in between is screwed.

I need to sleep. On a sidenote, I watched the movie Role Models today and I think it also contributed to me posting this. I am Paul Rudd's character, all I need now is a minotaur truck and some ambiens.
 
So I take it you have an arrangement where you are completely faithful within a few specific zip codes (or at least you'd do that person)?

I have felt hatred for humanity too, and yes it does come from hating yourself. You are unwilling to accept who you are, and so when you see that in others, it irritates you. Stop trying to run away from who you are.
 
Dragon said:
You are unwilling to accept who you are, and so when you see that in others, it irritates you. Stop trying to run away from who you are.
Click to expand...

I'm finding it difficult to "accept" myself, when I'm also trying to improve myself. I am "myself" around people as much as I can be. I'm just naturally more closed off. Actually, this may be the reason why...because I know I'll end up telling someone to go eff themselves if I'm around them long enough.
 
Oh I really understand what you mean about the "mirror effect". There are a handful of people that I don't like because I see part of themselves in myself, parts that I don't like and as such I pretend it isn't there. Let me tell you, it is a big punch in my ego when I realise that the reason I hated them is because I didn't like something in myself.

This doesn't have to be a bad thing though. When I have an event like this happen. This peice of myself comes forward in my mind. I become painfully aware of it. And as such I begin to work on that part of myself to be a better person. It is an option for personal overhaul and self improvement. Treat it as a good thing, not a bad thing.

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel that there were people that didn't deserve to be wiped off the face of the planet. The world would be so much better of without them. I truly do feel that. However, I do know that despite all that they may have done. They do not deserve any mistreatment from me in any way shape or form (unless they purposfully went after me in some way). I simply just remove myself from situations fro when I have to deal with them. I am finding that I am attracting less and less of these people into my life. I'm starting to manifest people that are right for me. People that I have not met before that I have alwasy wanted to meet. The strange thing is. It doesn't seem like I have done much different. My mindset is more or less the same. The major difference is, I am feeling much much more confortable with myself without having a false inflated ego.

You feel guilt with those thoughts, because deep down you know you truly aren't like that, you know it is unfair to feel that way, and you don't want to be this way. Everyone is on a constant journey of self discovery and self improvement. You are no difference in this. Think of it like centering a peice of clay on a potters wheel. It is very very hard to do at first when you begin. But eventually, you just get a strange intuitive feel for how to do it, and it all starts to flow and just feels right. I think you are still in the process of centering. The fact that you feel like you hit bottom in some way is a big sign that you are on your way to make another breakthrough and understanding yourself, and feeling confortable in your own skin.

:hug:
 
Saying whatever you want and having the ability/freedom to do so is very important for self actualization. It's still important to live in a way that maximizes utility though, and sadly most simply (lazily) live without consideration for others, seeing only their own immediate selfish desires.
 
Black Swan said:
I'm finding it difficult to "accept" myself, when I'm also trying to improve myself. I am "myself" around people as much as I can be. I'm just naturally more closed off. Actually, this may be the reason why...because I know I'll end up telling someone to go eff themselves if I'm around them long enough.
Click to expand...

You are afraid, so you put up barriers.
 
I think you're doing great. You've come to a powerful realisation, that the high road isn't working for you. So come down off it. Not onto the low road, but the middle ground. Just be equal to everyone else. It's really such a huge burden off your shoulders. *hug*
 
that's a fine moral mess you have described there :) And it feels really familiar. I am happy that I managed to find my answer for that because at some point it was threatening to engulf me in darkness.

Black Swan said:
I think I may have been in denial. I think a major reason why I dislike people in general, is that they mirror back my own flaws. And since I have many, there are many reasons to dislike others. Despite efforts to be more compassionate, less judging of others, and trying to remind myself that we're more alike than we are different, I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to lose the filter and begin spouting out whatever comes to mind first. Is that freedom? If I can say whatever I want and not have guilt...wouldn't I be free?
Click to expand...

Well the short answer to that question is no. I think it's essentially the same feeling regardless of which road you take: the "high" one, the "low" or the "medium". It doesn't really matter whether you're trying to be compassionate or to be harsh as long as you remain the same person at your heart. You've probably known some people who always try to be helpful and deliberately make martyrs of themselves (a lot of women like to take that position in families) but it's so apparent that they feel unhappy at the core. The same is true for those who feel like they are entitled to everything and just can go over the other people corpses in life.

And why should I be envious of Shai Gar or of anyone else here? He might seem like a happy and carefree person but I could bet that he too has some problems in his life. ENTP kind of problems which might seem silly to you but never the less. Even if he did not have a single problem it would still not give me justification to be envious.

IndigoSensor said:
You feel guilt with those thoughts, because deep down you know you truly aren't like that, you know it is unfair to feel that way, and you don't want to be this way.
Click to expand...
^^ that is the essence. There's also a solution to this problem. I could tell you my version of it but it would be much better if you came up with it yourself.
 
I can relate, but I don't think it's exactly the same between you and me. Rather than reflecting my flaws I see flaws in other people that have been in my parents or people that have caused me deliberate discomfort. But, just know that you're not alone.

This sounds really corny, but maybe you need to look inside yourself and pull apart the things that you dislike, list it, then deal wih them one by one. Accept it, and move on. I know it's harder than it sounds but maybe it'll help you.
 
Fuck you Miss Daisy!
 
how about you accept yourself as in realizing your flaws for what they are
step two includes not putting such standards on others unless reasonable.
most people do not have the courage to live up to excellence or anything above their lowest potential
so that key is to do so for yourself and if someone else happens to follow suit, so be it
but do not hang your coat on a dead meat rack and expect it to smell like petunias
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tamagochi
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and was reminded why I don't like people. Sorry I don't have anything more to add; I figured "Wal-Mart" would sum it up.

For the record, I don't consider myself "above" shopping at Wal-Mart (seeing as I have about -$263.48 at any one time in my bank account). It's just that every time I go I get surrounded by slow, smelly mouth-breathers. There was a rather large "woman" there yesterday, and her shirt said "YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME." With you m'am, I'm sure they don't.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 54192&#cmy, acd and Faye
Funny...I rarely-to-never meet people like myself. I don't see my flaws mirrored back in people at all, so if I don't like people, it's because I actually don't like them. Sometimes it's just that. Sometimes it's that your frequency is different from most others. It's frustrating to ALWAYS be in the position to adjust to the majority. Sometimes you don't give a fuck. When you get older, you won't. You will magically morph into an asshole. Black swan, age will make you say what you mean. I guarantee it. But it will still hurt when others don't like or get you. But less so. It's a process. It's the only good thing about getting older.
 
J. Cardigan said:
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and was reminded why I don't like people. Sorry I don't have anything more to add; I figured "Wal-Mart" would sum it up.

For the record, I don't consider myself "above" shopping at Wal-Mart (seeing as I have about -$263.48 at any one time in my bank account). It's just that every time I go I get surrounded by slow, smelly mouth-breathers. There was a rather large "woman" there yesterday, and her shirt said "YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME." With you m'am, I'm sure they don't.
Click to expand...

Try WORKING @ Walmart... Jesus Christ, I've been doing it for the past 2.5 yrs so yeah, I see people from all walks of life. I can really relate to the OP though, it's almost as though Walmart is a conduit for negative energy. Think about it, Walmart is the embodiment of materialism and it does tend to bring the worst out in people. I just keep to myself and hardly make eye contact and don't get me wrong, I've met my share of pleasant individuals (mostly the elderly) who've shared my sentiments about life and people in general... Ok, I'm done now!
 
You know those groups of obnoxious teenagers that go to walmart to mess around as much as they go to buy things? I'm their quiet friend.

I know what you mean though; walmart does remind me why I hate people. Something really needs to be done to counter obesity in this country. I'm serious.
 
J. Cardigan said:
It's just that every time I go I get surrounded by slow, smelly mouth-breathers. There was a rather large "woman" there yesterday, and her shirt said "YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME." With you m'am, I'm sure they don't.
Click to expand...

lol

ok, this is kinda off topic but I noticed a while ago how easy it is to hate people (I don't know if it's just me, but some days I just look at people, and 9 out of 10 I am able to find something about them that make me dislike them)
 
Shai Gar said:
Hey! I'm not a total arsehole!
Click to expand...

Hehehe... yeah, I didn't mean it badly.

Maybe, "verbally free-spirited" would be more appropriate? Asshole is just easier to say.

Quinlan said:
Fuck you Miss Daisy!
Click to expand...

Exactly!

Tamagochi said:
And why should I be envious of Shai Gar or of anyone else here? He might seem like a happy and carefree person but I could bet that he too has some problems in his life.
Click to expand...

No, I realize. But if I'm going to suffer with so much inner turmoil, I might as say what's on my mind and have a good reason for it . I'm sure there's a balance somewhere, but yesterday, the anger pushed me past the threshold and the result was a temper tantrum.

:m140:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back