When people misinterpret what you say and your intentions

Maybe I missed it, but have you thought that you could be misinterpreting her words and intentions? I get the impression your mother had about you on this forum sometimes. No specific examples come to mind though.

 

.... ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT???

 

There are probably a lot of details she isn't showing that are affecting her emotions. Perhaps if she trusts you she will tell you why. But there is nothing wrong trying to sit down and ask her why, without offering any of your own input.

 

Interesting...this probably, on some level, explains everything. It is what it is, what happened happened. People are people......and then there's family. It may be that analysis is futile.

 

What emotions do you project when it happens? It is probably a long standing issue that won't be resolved easily. This is all obvious to you, I am sure, but perhaps you can try to be more compassionate to them.


Have you ever had a conversation with them strictly without your own bias entering?

 

I get this rather often from my parents. I don't think it has anything to do with type differences (except to the extent that they would cause you and your mother to have similar of markedly different ideas about the subject to begin with). Interrupting a person and trying to piece together what se was going to say is probably going to fail unless you know the particular tangent that that person is accustomed to going off on.
That said, it doesn't sound like she was really trying to interpret much of what you were saying anyway. I'm guessing she has said more or less the same stuff before, correct? It's quite common for people (especially older people) to have tangents pretty well set up beforehand and ready for use with a broad range of topics, wherever they can find some relevance. Her comments about the world's feelings, atheists, science and your momentary intentions didn't really have anything to do with abortion. The same tangent could be used every time you mention a political or religious issue. Basically, I don't think what she said had much to do with what you were saying; it was just bound to come up regardless, so I wouldn't call it a misinterpretation.

 

Slant, I understand this. It's like my sister and I talking about religion... sigh. For her there is only one faith, and one religion--for me there are many faiths, and no religion.

Some people only argue because they want to support their own views or sense of rightness. I'm taking your side on this one.

If someone is really interested in your viewpoints, they should listen, not shut you out and shut you down. That shows a negative character trait on their side, not yours (as long as you were open-minded, but politely disagreeing). I'm not dissing your mom or anything. I'm just saying that when someone holds such extreme views, that they should be prepared to discuss, rationally, their viewpoints and hold them up against someone else's without feeling threatened.

 

I would make the assumption that EVERYONE has a problem with people who twist our words around, misinterpret, claim hidden agenda, etc.

But it sounds to me like she has some preconceived ideas about you (and your "agenda"), and you've likely argued before. She probably wasn't so successful, and her knee-jerk reaction is to shut you down. But it takes 2 to tango. I've learned this from many run-ins with my own parents. I love to question things, and that's not always appreciated by everyone. But I confess - in part, I enjoy picking at my parents' logic and exposing the flaws, so I'm equally to blame.

 

Yeah I've experienced that, people assume I am attacking them or trying to belittle their beliefs when all I'm doing is voicing the truth as I see it. I guess some people hold their beliefs very dear, and any kind of alternative opinion will seem like a criticism, so you've got to be aware of that and not just say whatever comes to mind. It pays to be sensitive to what people value.

 

My dad misinterprets me ALL the time. I simply disregard him and tell him that he doesn't understand. He gets huffy, but I won't put up with it anymore.

 

Agree with moxie, This is right point of view.

 

I suppose if you were just presenting information, it wouldn't be bias, that is a good point on your part. Although I can see it being interpreted as a bias by others simply because it is coming from you.

 

*This is reasoning that I would attribute from her point of view*

I think your mom associated your information with an intention to change her opinion.

Since you are attempting to change her opinion, you are not happy with her current opinion.

And since you are not happy with her current opinion, and that opinion is based on her principles in life, you aren't agreeing with her principles in life.

Since you aren't agreeing with her principles in life, you are insulting how she lives her life.

Since her principles are so ingrained to who she is as a person (Or at least that is how she most likely feels) then you are insulting her directly as a person.


This is a common miscommunication that results from obvious insecurities. The only real way to solve this problem is to show her that you accept her as a person and love her. Once that link is there, perhaps one day she will be able to do the same for you.