When people misinterpret what you say and your intentions | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

When people misinterpret what you say and your intentions

Yes.

I just turned my phone off a couple of seconds ago over this.

A buddy of mine, his friend recently started dating this woman, and she has been somewhat nasty to me. Now, I don't care if she is nasty to me, but I do care that her attitude is a precursor to what could be future problems for his buddy. Simple as that. And I don't like seeing stuff like this, and NO ONE ELSE SEES IT, and then intentionally fail to mention it.

I generally do not attract mean and nasty people, so I'm guessing this is naturally who she is.

I mentioned her nastiness towards me because I care that his buddy does not go through unnecessary BS with this woman, not because I'm combative or argumentative and would like to meet the woman after school at 3:15 on the playground.

However, it was misunderstood and now I am being a sh*t-starter.

I am removing myself from the situation and won't mention it again.

Even after personal protection orders are filed and I'm standing by pretending I didn't ever say anything to begin with.

Guess that's just how it goes... *shrugs*
 
I kind of think that situation really isn't the same, WellNoWonder.
 
meh, probably not. :)

just was not intending to be nosey and invasive, yet it came off that way..
 
WellNoWonder said:
Yes.

I just turned my phone off a couple of seconds ago over this.

A buddy of mine, his friend recently started dating this woman, and she has been somewhat nasty to me. Now, I don't care if she is nasty to me, but I do care that her attitude is a precursor to what could be future problems for his buddy. Simple as that. And I don't like seeing stuff like this, and NO ONE ELSE SEES IT, and then intentionally fail to mention it.

I generally do not attract mean and nasty people, so I'm guessing this is naturally who she is.

I mentioned her nastiness towards me because I care that his buddy does not go through unnecessary BS with this woman, not because I'm combative or argumentative and would like to meet the woman after school at 3:15 on the playground.

However, it was misunderstood and now I am being a sh*t-starter.

I am removing myself from the situation and won't mention it again.

Even after personal protection orders are filed and I'm standing by pretending I didn't ever say anything to begin with.

Guess that's just how it goes... *shrugs*
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Love is so illogical it isn't even funny. Don't feel bad. One day your friend will see your true intentions, just be patient until then.
 
slant said:
Hmm, yeah, she's verbalized all of that to me before, I'm pretty sure that she just thinks I'm attacking her beliefs which I'm -not-
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It is just a shame that you would have to initiate this with your mother rather than the other way around. But people will be people, I guess. :p
 
I just read your original post quickly, Slant. It seemed possibly similar to some of the communication difficulties I have w my bf (which is probably going to make me look bad here).

I don't disagree with how you acted. Also, it sounds like I'd agree with your politics more than your Mom's. (I'm atheist after all.) But I'll try to suggest some ideas how you might be able to understand your Mom better. This is mostly just guessing based on your types, so take it for what it's worth.

I agree with how NeverAmI explained it. Also, your Mom may assume you understand she feels the way NeverAmI said, or similar to that. She might think it's obvious how she feels from the way she acts (tone of voice, body language, words she uses) in the conversation you wrote about as well as past conversations on the topic. You might not be thinking about her feelings very much because you were thinking about the logic of the issues you were discussing. You might not be aware of or remember the emotional meaning of past conversations on the topic the way she does and she expects everyone does. So you might be surprised when she gets to the point that she can't handle what she perceives as ongoing insensivity and she expresses her frustration pretty strongly.

Anyway, I think it's nice you're posting on here to try to understand your Mom even though she's giving you a hard time. I don't know if many people during teenage years are that motivated to understand their parents. Good luck!
 
myst said:
I just read your original post quickly, Slant. It seemed possibly similar to some of the communication difficulties I have w my bf (which is probably going to make me look bad here).

I don't disagree with how you acted. Also, it sounds like I'd agree with your politics more than your Mom's. (I'm atheist after all.) But I'll try to suggest some ideas how you might be able to understand your Mom better. This is mostly just guessing based on your types, so take it for what it's worth.

I agree with how NeverAmI explained it. Also, your Mom may assume you understand she feels the way NeverAmI said, or similar to that. She might think it's obvious how she feels from the way she acts (tone of voice, body language, words she uses) in the conversation you wrote about as well as past conversations on the topic. You might not be thinking about her feelings very much because you were thinking about the logic of the issues you were discussing. You might not be aware of or remember the emotional meaning of past conversations on the topic the way she does and she expects everyone does. So you might be surprised when she gets to the point that she can't handle what she perceives as ongoing insensivity and she expresses her frustration pretty strongly.

Anyway, I think it's nice you're posting on here to try to understand your Mom even though she's giving you a hard time. I don't know if many people during teenage years are that motivated to understand their parents. Good luck!
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Yeah, that's pretty much the point, we think differently, I by logic, her by emotion and we both want each other to communicate in the way we communicate so we tend to assume they already are, which leads to conflict.
 
Yeah... I'm not sure as knowing that makes it easy to fix the communication in these istp/infj close relationships... sometimes it's hard to even want to understand or see the advantage of the other way of communicating... but I guess knowing that helps some.

I think your Mom is lucky to have such a smart understanding kid :)
 
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