Whats your relationship with your first love? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Whats your relationship with your first love?

I dated him "J" for a while during my senior year in high school. He was a friend of my brother's. He eventually cheated on me and so I broke up with him but , for some reason, never really got over him and would still think of him from time to time. A few years after I divorced my first husband, J found and contacted me through the Internet. He apologized for how he treated me back when we were teenagers and eventually we decided to try the relationship thing again, though it was short lived. He had developed schizophrenia and it was really affecting his life negatively. We mutually decided that it would be best to just remain friends and we eventually lost contact again. Strangely enough, after my brother died, I started having dreams about "J", in which he had also died. I finally decided to look him up found out that he had, in fact, passed away on Dec. 31, 2009. I don't know for sure, but I assume it was suicide. In one of my dreams, I was told that he'd just had enough and wanted to be with his mom, who died about 7-10 years ago. His funeral was held exactly a year to the day before my brother took his own life as well. I think the dreams I had lessened the shock somewhat and I was thankful for that. It was like they wanted me to know, but to lessen the impact a little since I was still grieving over my brother.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Norton and Kgal
I loved my first love dearly with all of my heart. Was 15 years old back then. He cheated on me a year in to the relationship...Took me about 5 years to get over it. Saw him again when I was 21, almost got back together but I chickened out. It did hurt him but I think I am not able to do it all over again remembering how heartless he was when he dumped me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: tfg345i4u5lw
Beautiful young woman, ended up as the town whore. Slept with probably every man within two counties. Is also a drunk. Haven't seen her since high school. She was a cute kid in the honor society then got into drugs. Endless suicide attempts and hospitalizations. Fell off the toilet and broke her hip while blasted a few years back. Her brothers are both doctors. She's a disaster area. It's too bad. She was a nice smart kid, and I liked her. Wouldn't want to see her again or speak with her. Her dad was the town drunk. It's a mess. I wish she wouldn't have gone down this road. I have no idea what happened to her to make her do all the horrible things she did to herself. Ten abortions and three marriages later, it's amazing she's still alive, and has a new fiance.
 
  • Like
Reactions: moonlightam
My pillow and I get along just fine.
 
Our relationship is currently at ex-gf status.
 
I still can't decide on who my first love was. I don't have external relationships with either of them anymore, but they are both still a big part of my life. I don't forget people easily. I should like to, sometimes.
 
Oh god! I'm still debating on whether I should go there or not...If I tell my story, I'm sure that some of you would get a kick out of it, but some of you may not...not sure if I feel like being judged... :/
 
  • Like
Reactions: moonlightam and endersgone
lisamarie said:
Oh god! I'm still debating on whether I should go there or not...If I tell my story, I'm sure that some of you would get a kick out of it, but some of you may not...not sure if I feel like being judged... :/
Click to expand...

I'm already judging you for fishing for people to beg you to tell.
 
Rferraris said:
Relationship?
Click to expand...
this
f30fd24c56e1bcfc926883d6a51d5a00.gif
:p
 
UBERROGO said:
I'm already judging you for fishing for people to beg you to tell.
Click to expand...

Luckily for me, I don't care ;)

I really was debating though...hardly looking for begging.
 
Endersgone said:
first loves hurt badz : (

ingrained in memories
Click to expand...

Sure, but they also help you realize what you do or don't want in future relationships...
 
My first "real love" relationship was a long distance situation, and it did not end well.

We were together for 2 years. I was 16-18 at the time. He lived in Rhode Island, and me in Washington. Everything seemed great until the very end when he was making plans to move here.

The semi condensed version: My best friend at the time knew we were having a hard time figuring out how to get him here so he could be with me and start his life on this coast. She had a spare room in her place for him to crash in while he was looking for work. She was my best friend (OH and, here is another kicker, she was MARRIED at the time) and I had absolutely no reason not to trust her and I wanted him here so badly. I was so happy and so excited that there was actually a way for him to come here to be with me. I thought she was amazing for offering her home so we could do it, and I told her this and showered her in thanks all the time once it was decided.

All that changed as soon as he arrived. They were over the top flirting and literally all over each other. She would sit in his lap right in front of me.

I was enraged when he broke up with me officially, over the phone. It's a good thing for his sake (and mine...getting arrested sucks I'm sure) he did because I might have actually throttled him and her for betraying me the way that they both did if he had done it in person. He had already cheated on me with her, then broke up with me. I remember a lot of screaming at him and throwing an alarm clock into a window wishing it was his head. The rest is kind of hazy.

The very same "friend" later contacted me after her father shot himself. She was understandably distraught about it, but it happened literally the week after all that shit went down and I no longer gave a shit. I told her to call someone else and hung up on her. Her and my ex basically labeled me a psycho bitch for that and she started telling people that I was glad her dad shot himself because I wouldn't give her the emotional support she wanted. I still honestly don't give a shit, other than thinking it sucks that someone killed themselves. She burnt that bridge so hard there was just no going back to me caring about anything that happened to her. I just wasn't capable. Looking back on it now, I feel sorry for her. She fucked herself out of the one friend she wanted to be there for her when her life hit some really shitty times, but that friendship was destroyed and she did it to herself. I feel no guilt for my response to that situation at all.

I have some trauma from that as you can imagine. Trust issues specifically. I'm jealous anyway as it is, it's my nature to be that way although I'm good at not acting on the jealousy. But I must say, that the idea of introducing my SO to any of my female friends makes me shudder and my lips curl a bit now thanks to her and him.

All that relationship really taught me is that the people you least expect it from can tell you anything they think you want to hear if it will help them further their own agendas, and then stab you in the back when it's most convenient for them to do so. Sometimes I don't think I could ever be surprised by anything anymore.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: the and moonlightam
I met her at school.
I just moved to town and didn't really know anyone, but started hanging around with the other kids in-between classes. Before long I got to know all the ones that smoked in the hallways.
Not sure how schools are today, I don't have kids, but from what I hear they are guarded cells with cameras. Wasn't like that in any of the schools I went to.

So I make a friend, sort of. Her name was Linda. It was a girl I walked home with. I liked her but she was crazy about some guy and I remember it felt like brother and sister with us anyway. I since found out she ODed and dyed. Every time I play that track in my mind I lose my breath a little.

Linda introduced me to Cyndi. Cyndi had sort of a tragic life. I seemed to like that about my girlfriends at that age. Her brother shot himself with a shotgun. That screwed her up pretty bad. Her mom and dad divorced so it was just her mom. And Cyndi would stay out and party all the time. And I didn't have any rules either, so I was great to hang out with I guess. She was always at my house and we were always high. And she always slept over.


So I was very in something with her.
Infatuated? In love? It was different than what love is today. So I don't know what to call it. But it was intense for me.

My mother tells me I always tried to save my girlfriends and I guess I did.
Things were tragic for me, at least in my head they were, and so I seemed to gravitate to others that were bent that way.

That whole encounter, while monumental in my life really only lasted about 9 months. Her mom moved and so Cyndi started at another school and found some other crowd to hang out with. I became a distant memory. If there is such a thing at that age.

She found me a couple years ago on FaceBook. Has two kids, one named after her dead brother. Lives somewhere in Kentucky. Seems like a different place than NJ. But that's where she is. She comes back for reunions. Highschool reunions, but also to meet up at bars with the people she once knew from that time. She always invites me, and there are other people that go that I was friends with, so it wouldn't just be to see her again, but I never show up. Part of the mystery that's me. I come and go and no one knows where I am. Never meant to have that persona, just feel awkward showing up sometimes. So I tend to blow things off.
Bad memories, too. Rather just live the life I have now, and I'm very protective about it. Not sure I want to introduce my wife to some group of people I knew years ago. It wouldn't be a bunch of new friends for us. It would probably be a bunch of sad stories we couldn't escape fast enough. So why even start it. But Cyndi was the first girl I actually went out with.
Up to that point, I had only been with two girls before and neither of them were serious. Not that I didn't want to be with one of them. But I was younger or not sure why she just sort of went with me when I was around, but never got serious with me. I think I have a lot to blame girls for. Telling this story I feel a little used by them. :-

So Cyndi was my first love. And that was hard for me. When her mom moved and she started at a different school, I was broken hearted. And I feel like she has a lot to do with they way I turned out.

I hope I'm making sense. I'm trying with the typos. I think I got them all.
 
Last edited:
Sriracha said:
Mine moved to my town during our junior year in high school. We spent that year in the same social circle, often going out on the weekends in groups. Having a great time. I'm not so certain what I thought of him at that time since it seems all the girls in my circle were throwing themselves at him since he was fresh blood. My best friend from high school had a huge crush on him and since that was happening my boundaries were raised. He began dating a girl who enjoyed stringing him along towards the end of the year. When summer rolled around I found myself spending large amounts of time with him and my fondness for him increased quickly though he was still dating this other girl. It was a very magical time for me, and often times when I find myself depressed it is my "happy-place." I had never felt so connected to someone, and at the same time I could tell it was reciprocated. One night when we were at the lake (which we did quite often ... star gazing and talking for hours) I couldn't take it anymore and bluntly told him "I think you need to dump XYZ and date me."

He was actually quite dumbfounded, and later said he felt I surprised him b/c he never though anyone so attractive would like him. (His perception & opinion ... not mine.) So we parted that night and I felt very uneasy ... not knowing what he would do, but knowing I just risked our friendship. I had to, otherwise I could not continue being friends with such strong feelings. I gave him space and it was agonizing, but two weeks later he informed me that he broke up with XYZ and thus began our journey.

We dated for only a year and it was fantastic. Some things happened toward the end where I had to make a decision behind his back. This was incredibly painful as I couldn't turn to him when I needed him the most. It ultimately was the demise of our relationship. The break up was easy for me b/c I had emotionally disconnected myself at that point, he was heart-broken. About a year later, I went to visit him because I really did still love him. My best friend told him what had happened. He apologized to me for not being there and agreed that I made the right choice. He was sorry for being so selfish. We didn't get back together because he was preparing to move away for college.

I didn't speak to him for about 8 years. During that time I got married and was in college. I found his email and contacted him to see how he was doing. We updated each other on our lives (which we continue to do periodically once/yr.) I had lunch with him in 2001 when I went to visit my sister. My husband knew I was having lunch with him and wasn't concerned. His friend (who I knew from h.s.) came along as well. I gave him a card expressing my gratitude for being so good to me and for helping to shape my personality (he had a very positive influence on me.) I remember him looking at me one time and saying "I always knew we would get back together" and as my eyes widened he stumbled and continued "as friends." Oh dear.

That was the last time I saw him. He has never married. I will always think fondly of him and he will always have a place in my heart ... but that is from the time that "once was." I don't even know who he is now or how he has evolved. Our lives are completely opposite.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing. Sounds intense.
And kinda sophisticated. I don't remember people at that age being so civil.
 
chulo said:
My first love was a mat girl. She would sit on the side of the wrestling mat at tournaments with a clip board and keep stats. My coach hated her, he would tell her "stay away from Chulo" and he would tell me "stay away from girls, they make you weak". Today she is my best friend, even though we can sometimes go a couple of months without talking, when we do talk it's never awkward. Unfortunately her current boyfriend is super insecure so he tries to prevent us from hanging out. But she is so real about it, she flat out told me "Nobody can stop me from being your friend". I was her best friend and companion through her pregnancy because the dad was a POS (she's a single mom now). She was my best friend and companion when I was extra losery. I watched her graduate college and attended her graduation. She attended mine. We are super close.

I've been seriously thinking about making her my woman again. Lately I care about companionship more than anything, nobody has stuck around through the years like her. Also I don't like that her current boyfriend handcuffs her and tries to constantly keep track of what she's doing. It makes me want to get back with her even more, just so she won't have a jealous boyfriend. I will for sure be letting my forum friends know if we get back together anytime soon.
Click to expand...

Wow.
You must feel awesome to have a friendship like that. Sounds like you love her. So many different types of love, right, but seems like you have all of them for her. I say go for it.
 
Vicarious said:
I dated him "J" for a while during my senior year in high school. He was a friend of my brother's. He eventually cheated on me and so I broke up with him but , for some reason, never really got over him and would still think of him from time to time. A few years after I divorced my first husband, J found and contacted me through the Internet. He apologized for how he treated me back when we were teenagers and eventually we decided to try the relationship thing again, though it was short lived. He had developed schizophrenia and it was really affecting his life negatively. We mutually decided that it would be best to just remain friends and we eventually lost contact again. Strangely enough, after my brother died, I started having dreams about "J", in which he had also died. I finally decided to look him up found out that he had, in fact, passed away on Dec. 31, 2009. I don't know for sure, but I assume it was suicide. In one of my dreams, I was told that he'd just had enough and wanted to be with his mom, who died about 7-10 years ago. His funeral was held exactly a year to the day before my brother took his own life as well. I think the dreams I had lessened the shock somewhat and I was thankful for that. It was like they wanted me to know, but to lessen the impact a little since I was still grieving over my brother.
Click to expand...

Your story always affects me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back