Whats your relationship with your first love? | INFJ Forum

Whats your relationship with your first love?

moonlightam

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Sep 7, 2012
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How deep did it sow itself into your heart? Are you still friends? How did you meet and how did you realize it was IT? Share the stories :D
 
kind of difficult. We first parted ways for a long time, then she came back, she was playing with me. then we became friends, and last she got married and i never spoke to her again. its been some time since that
 
Do you ever catch yourself thinking about her? Any what ifs still bothering you at all?
 
Mine moved to my town during our junior year in high school. We spent that year in the same social circle, often going out on the weekends in groups. Having a great time. I'm not so certain what I thought of him at that time since it seems all the girls in my circle were throwing themselves at him since he was fresh blood. My best friend from high school had a huge crush on him and since that was happening my boundaries were raised. He began dating a girl who enjoyed stringing him along towards the end of the year. When summer rolled around I found myself spending large amounts of time with him and my fondness for him increased quickly though he was still dating this other girl. It was a very magical time for me, and often times when I find myself depressed it is my "happy-place." I had never felt so connected to someone, and at the same time I could tell it was reciprocated. One night when we were at the lake (which we did quite often ... star gazing and talking for hours) I couldn't take it anymore and bluntly told him "I think you need to dump XYZ and date me."

He was actually quite dumbfounded, and later said he felt I surprised him b/c he never though anyone so attractive would like him. (His perception & opinion ... not mine.) So we parted that night and I felt very uneasy ... not knowing what he would do, but knowing I just risked our friendship. I had to, otherwise I could not continue being friends with such strong feelings. I gave him space and it was agonizing, but two weeks later he informed me that he broke up with XYZ and thus began our journey.

We dated for only a year and it was fantastic. Some things happened toward the end where I had to make a decision behind his back. This was incredibly painful as I couldn't turn to him when I needed him the most. It ultimately was the demise of our relationship. The break up was easy for me b/c I had emotionally disconnected myself at that point, he was heart-broken. About a year later, I went to visit him because I really did still love him. My best friend told him what had happened. He apologized to me for not being there and agreed that I made the right choice. He was sorry for being so selfish. We didn't get back together because he was preparing to move away for college.

I didn't speak to him for about 8 years. During that time I got married and was in college. I found his email and contacted him to see how he was doing. We updated each other on our lives (which we continue to do periodically once/yr.) I had lunch with him in 2001 when I went to visit my sister. My husband knew I was having lunch with him and wasn't concerned. His friend (who I knew from h.s.) came along as well. I gave him a card expressing my gratitude for being so good to me and for helping to shape my personality (he had a very positive influence on me.) I remember him looking at me one time and saying "I always knew we would get back together" and as my eyes widened he stumbled and continued "as friends." Oh dear.

That was the last time I saw him. He has never married. I will always think fondly of him and he will always have a place in my heart ... but that is from the time that "once was." I don't even know who he is now or how he has evolved. Our lives are completely opposite.
 
Do you ever catch yourself thinking about her? Any what ifs still bothering you at all?

No not at all. I stil think of my last ex tough. complicated stuff too xD
 
No not at all. I stil think of my last ex tough. complicated stuff too xD


ouch, wont quiz about that then :p
 
The more accurate question would be what was your relationship with your first love? And was it really love at all...
 
My first love was a mat girl. She would sit on the side of the wrestling mat at tournaments with a clip board and keep stats. My coach hated her, he would tell her "stay away from Chulo" and he would tell me "stay away from girls, they make you weak". Today she is my best friend, even though we can sometimes go a couple of months without talking, when we do talk it's never awkward. Unfortunately her current boyfriend is super insecure so he tries to prevent us from hanging out. But she is so real about it, she flat out told me "Nobody can stop me from being your friend". I was her best friend and companion through her pregnancy because the dad was a POS (she's a single mom now). She was my best friend and companion when I was extra losery. I watched her graduate college and attended her graduation. She attended mine. We are super close.

I've been seriously thinking about making her my woman again. Lately I care about companionship more than anything, nobody has stuck around through the years like her. Also I don't like that her current boyfriend handcuffs her and tries to constantly keep track of what she's doing. It makes me want to get back with her even more, just so she won't have a jealous boyfriend. I will for sure be letting my forum friends know if we get back together anytime soon.
 
The more accurate question would be what was your relationship with your first love? And was it really love at all...

:) thas why I didnt distinguish the is/was and just wrote "whats" :)
 
My first love was a mat girl. She would sit on the side of the wrestling mat at tournaments with a clip board and keep stats. My coach hated her, he would tell her "stay away from Chulo" and he would tell me "stay away from girls, they make you weak". Today she is my best friend, even though we can sometimes go a couple of months without talking, when we do talk it's never awkward. Unfortunately her current boyfriend is super insecure so he tries to prevent us from hanging out. But she is so real about it, she flat out told me "Nobody can stop me from being your friend". I was her best friend and companion through her pregnancy because the dad was a POS (she's a single mom now). She was my best friend and companion when I was extra losery. I watched her graduate college and attended her graduation. She attended mine. We are super close.

I've been seriously thinking about making her my woman again. Lately I care about companionship more than anything, nobody has stuck around through the years like her. Also I don't like that her current boyfriend handcuffs her and tries to constantly keep track of what she's doing. It makes me want to get back with her even more, just so she won't have a jealous boyfriend. I will for sure be letting my forum friends know if we get back together anytime soon.

cool story :) I kind of expected to read a lot of something of this kind when starting this thread :) Hope it works out for you, do keep us posted :)
 
[MENTION=121]moonlight[/MENTION]ham dont worry, im fine :) im almost over her totally, and i dont want her back in my life, just that sometimes memories come and well i get emotional but nothing more.
 
[MENTION=121]moonlight[/MENTION]ham dont worry, im fine :) im almost over her totally, and i dont want her back in my life, just that sometimes memories come and well i get emotional but nothing more.

*giggles* :D someone is gonna be confused with that tag/mention :D
 
My first love... I met him right after high school. I was 17 and was able to stay with him until I was 21 even though we didn't go to the same school. Even though I broke up with him it took me 9 years to get over him. I even thought about him on my wedding day. It was only a couple seconds, but still.

We have no contact and haven't had contact.
 
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I still talk with her once or so every year. She shaped who I was. I have no hold-over feelings for her, but she was influential in helping develop me as a person, nonetheless.
 
No contact for ten years. She was in Florida last I heard. Her daughter must be about 12 by now.
 
I remember him looking at me one time and saying "I always knew we would get back together" and as my eyes widened he stumbled and continued "as friends." Oh dear.

What.. do you mean when you say your eyes widened? How did your emotions react to the incomplete sentence? And were you more happy or sad to hear him finish the sentence?
 
What.. do you mean when you say your eyes widened? How did your emotions react to the incomplete sentence? And were you more happy or sad to hear him finish the sentence?

I specifically remember feeling "taken aback" and surprised. I think it is because even though our relationship was strictly platonic there was something emotionally that felt like we had traveled in time to 10 years ago at the moment preceding what he said ... talking, laughing and remembering the people around us. The chemistry was still there, yes.

I think I was both sad (grieving for what once was) and happy (relief b/c he was respecting my marital status) at the same time when he finished his sentence. There is nothing more complex than being married and yet still having that chemistry with your first love. There are parts of me that wished he fought for me, but I would not change history and have no regrets. There is always this ideal cloud that encloses that person, but yet you forget to blow it away and remember the negative things.

My husband is also friends with his first love. We spent some time with her the last time we were in Arizona. I have never had a problem with her and like her very much. She has been incredibly helpful to put us in contact with certain people (realtors) for when we move back and about which areas are desirable for raising kids. I can sense she and my husband still have chemistry, but she is also married and respects that boundary. It really doesn't bother me at all ... b/c I understand it.
 
(I could have sworn your mbti type was listed as INFJ yesterday... *rubs eyes*)

Thank you for the honest reply. Mmmhm.
 
We haven't talked since the split, because we were silly, overemotional teenagers. Last I heard he stopped smoking pot and started taking harder drugs, and was hospitalized once for a near overdose. With the few "friends" he had who were always pushing the stuff on him, I can't say I'm surprised - only sad. He was a much better person than that and deserved better (although, succumbing to peer pressure was his choice...), and I sincerely hope he went to rehab after that incident.

I have no idea where he is now or what he's doing, and considering that it took me years to get over him I'd like to leave it that way.
 
We met at school, went out for two weeks and then she left me. A year later went out while in college for 2 years. She went uni and cheated and left. We don'e speak even if she does ask after me occasionally.

I never wish to see this person again.