What's the point in dating?

[Lumi Spitsbergen]

Usually I don't begin relationships by going out on "dates." The few times that has happened it was awkward (usually for the guy, I don't do "awkward") because the guy wanted me to like him?
I don't know.
The most successful relationships I've been in were the ones where we went out on actual dates after we began going out. The guy is usually either my friend or friends with my friends and we share some cool conversations (and I know he can deal with my randomness) before we start going out - and then I feel like it usually happens organically. We've already gotten to know each other well enough.

If he begins too strong in the first week or two, such as asking how many kids I want and when I would like to start having them, talking about how I would love X state he's thinking about moving to for work in the future, demanding to know why I need to go along with travel plans I made before I met him, or stops referring to us as individuals by using the Royal Unit We when referring to either of us in conversation (all of which has happened before), then I will get freaked out and have major second thoughts about the relationship.

I also cannot stand it when the guy starts talking about how "perfect" I am when we haven't even gone out that long. All that reveals is that he only listened to about 10% of what I was saying and ignored/glossed over the 90% which didn't make me his "dream girl." I feel like it's such bs, I prefer it when a guy just says he's attracted to me and wants to get to know me. At least then I don't feel like he is creating this perfect girlfriend robot in his head that I can never live up to.

The usual "dating" scene seems to be full of games, pretty lies, and awkward desperation. It's not something I'm really into.

 

[Billy]

I like dating, its fun. You get to have an excuse to try new things with new people and learn something about yourself in the process. The mroe you do it, the easier it gets, the easier it gets to become actively extroverted as an introvert. It gives me a chance to put into use all my skill, wit, knowledge experience, physical body, chemical processes etc all in harmony with another person and I get to tap into them and vice versa. Its a bonding experience.

The point of dating is to build synchronicity if you are compatible, or learn how to be compatible to achieve synchronicity.

 

[bamf]

I don't think I've ever been on an actual "date" I tend to meet people and get to know them in familiar settings, be it work or with friends or what have you, before we actually go anywhere just the two of us. By that point in time I generally know whether I want to be seeing the person romantically or not. I always know the person before we go on a "date". I've never met someone, asked for their number, and then called them up to set up a date without socializing with them previously.

 

[Odyne]

Dating is stupid and silly. AUGH.
Why can't we just be normal people and do normal things?

I hate the pretense of a date, and I hate how worked up people get over them.

woah... I think that's the most I've said hate in a very long time.

Funny, it is what people consider "normal" these days...and I absolutely HATE it.

I don't like how people get all worked up about it. I much rather have things done spontaneously and just have a good time. All the typical date planning; movies, first kiss, dinner & questionnaires etc. makes me want to run the other way.

...

No wonder I'm still single. *sigh*

 

[Matariki]

I completely fail with the concept of dating. My friends mother tried to set us up going to the movies (silly ESTJ's) the other week.
We went, we lol'd, ate popcorn and then parted ways with a simple see-ya later.

I'm not much of a dating sort of person.

 

[~jet]

Not to harp on the topic, but I still have to wonder if some few of the less...enthusiastic...repliers here simply haven't met a good match yet. I posit the query only because I can relate to the disdain for dating... except when I can't. I absolutely hate the idea of dating... except when I don't. Saying sappy things makes my skin crawl... except when it doesn't. Does that make any sense? I went many many many years avoiding the activity, and then encounter that one person who reverses all my polarities and all of a sudden I ~~~want~~~ (the more tildae, the better) to do these things... not just endure them.

Can anyone relate to that?

 

[Holden On]

honestly i think dating is for girls so they can make guys spend all thier money on them and protect them.

Wow... uh, no....

The point of dating seems pretty obvious to me... to find love. Frequently with the ultimate goal of getting married and raising a family, but not necessarily.

 

[TinyBubbles]

i skip dating and go straight to the sex lol, not really.. dating is awkward and uncomfortable for the most part, my bf and i were friends long before we started officially 'dating'

 

[Bird]

I don't know why people think dating is so awkward.
I go on my fair share of dates and they're not really that awkward.

 

[~jet]

I guess the difference in my definition is that I don't date to MEET new people... for me, dating is being with the person I already know and, at the most extreme, want to get to know better (if I don't already.)

 

[deadred]

Slant, you may have it backwards...it starts with a positive attitude, not the other way around. I agree with your comments about doing things with friends in fun, that's the way it ought to be anyway. We never know if there's going to be a spark at some unexpected time or not. Speaking only for myself, if my attitude is not good, I wouldn't likely recognize a positive opportunity if it walked up and bit me in the ass. I enjoy you because of your obvious compexity, and the fact that you just don't mince words. You are brutally honest. On the other hand, in all of the many posts of yours that I've read I can only recall maybe two where you had much of anything positive to say. Please don't see this as my dissing you. As an honest person I'm just trying to be equally honest about a very difficult subject.

 

[Holden On]

I guess the difference in my definition is that I don't date to MEET new people... for me, dating is being with the person I already know and, at the most extreme, want to get to know better (if I don't already.)

Yeah, that's what I'd say too. By "dating" I don't mean going on dates; I mean "going steady." (Why don't people say that any more? Such a great phrase!)

 

[slant]

Slant, you may have it backwards...it starts with a positive attitude, not the other way around. I agree with your comments about doing things with friends in fun, that's the way it ought to be anyway. We never know if there's going to be a spark at some unexpected time or not. Speaking only for myself, if my attitude is not good, I wouldn't likely recognize a positive opportunity if it walked up and bit me in the ass. I enjoy you because of your obvious complexity, and the fact that you just don't mince words. You are brutally honest. On the other hand, in all of the many posts of yours that I've read I can only recall maybe two where you had much of anything positive to say. Please don't see this as my dissing you. As an honest person I'm just trying to be equally honest about a very difficult subject.

Well, thanks I guess...?

 

[the]

To practice getting divorced and finding someone new.

 

[magister343]

Yeah, that's what I'd say too. By "dating" I don't mean going on dates; I mean "going steady." (Why don't people say that any more? Such a great phrase!)

When I got back in contact with my real life INFJ friend and she was making sure that I understood that she would gladly be better friends with me but nothing more she used that phrase in reference to her boyfriend of at least 3 years.

 

[Siamese cat]

Because dating can be so much fun.

I dated only guys that I felt something for the moment I saw them, whether it was just the glimpse in their direction that caught my attention or a longer and careful look. Some of them were not for me, and I knew it right away but I just had to meet them, to feel that energy. And that is dating for me, an exchange of energies (not necessarily in the obvious meaning of the term ), it's being surprised at the silly little things you have in common and interested in the things you don't have in common. That a bit awkward moment when other person just touches your hand because s/he just can't help himself not to touch you, because attraction forces are just that strong, again not necessarily only of a sexual kind.

Maybe my point of view is a bit different because I never forced myself to date someone because I just had to be with somebody, and maybe because I always knew that for someone like me I need to look for guys that had something that stands out, I'm attracted to no usual suspects.

I experienced several bad awkward moments, and mostly had very positive experiences. I've been told that dating me is fun and very relaxed, and maybe the fact that I'm a very good at flirting helped them feel more relaxed and less like they are out for a colonoscopy session. The fact that I'm highly introverted and very good on a one on one basis really helped here.

Just my two cents.

 

[Holden On]

When I got back in contact with my real life INFJ friend and she was making sure that I understood that she would gladly be better friends with me but nothing more she used that phrase in reference to her boyfriend of at least 3 years.

I just love it! It's so back-to-the-50s and cute.

 

[Asian_Warrior86]

Bah. I think "dating" is a whole bunch of mind games and anxiety on both sides.

 

[Whiskers]

I very much enjoy romantic relationships, but I typically ease into these far more informally than in the context of a formal date or "dating".

 

[technics]

Bump. Yes please, enlighten me. I am usually too lazy for dating. I often catch myself realizing that I have to date the woman I am attracted to. And then I have thoughts like "Oh God, all those rituals". Can't it be more informal and easy? Without all the dressing up and dinner etc.