What's the point in dating? | INFJ Forum

What's the point in dating?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Detective Conan, Aug 4, 2010.

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  1. Detective Conan

    Detective Conan Doesn't Cast Shadows

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    So, Forum, why do you date (or try to)?
     
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  2. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

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    Gaw, I hate dating (unless I'm already with said person in which case, I can't date them enough!) ... using it as a means of meeting NEW people though; it's never meshed with me.
     
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  3. kita

    kita <font color=#990066>Regular Poster</font>

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    I don't, because I'm too shy and awkward on dates. I think I'm much more likable if just hanging out as friends without any romantic pressure.
     
  4. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    Because I'm too broke to buy groceries.
     
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  5. slant

    slant M O U L T I N G
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    I don't date.

    The predominant reason that I don't date is that it confuses me what the difference is supposed to be between a relationship and a friendship. If you think about it, it seems like romantic relationships are the same as friendships except that you have to talk more and if you dont talk to each other for eight months and then hang out, there is a big problem, whereas friends usually don't care a whole lot.

    Relationships are so much more needy and time consuming. It's like people feed off of being able to have someone's beck and call.

    And you know why I would fail in a relationship? Because if I wanted to go out or something then he/she that I was dating would do the thing they always seem to do

    "But I want you to stay here with me. I'm lonely."

    "Well then go hang out with YOUR friends."

    "I don't feel like hanging out with them right now they all hate me."

    "I don't see how that's even my problem. If they all hate you, make them un-hate you. And if you can't, you can come and hang out with my friends."

    "I really don't want to, let's just stay home, me and you."

    "No! FUCK! Stop smothering me!! Go hang out with your damn friends!" -door slam-

    Yup...

    that's what it would be like.
     
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    #5 slant, Aug 4, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  6. enfp can be shy

    enfp can be shy people vs the bad people?
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    Because they wanted usually. I prefer to... hang around together... but I mean more like, casually. Go do something together, because we enjoy the company.. like friends.. but not like - today I put my best clothes just for you, even though tomorrow I won't. Makes no sense. I don't like dates as a factor for nervousness and pretense. Should be more calm, sweet and down to earth. No idea why people invented this dating weirdness to complicate their own stuff; it's not necessarily been this way in every human society.

    I'm not even interested in people looking all shiny and opera-like. I'm more interested in their casual relaxed style. :)
     
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  7. deadred

    deadred Community Member

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    Slant, I certainly understand your dilemma. On the other hand, what other options are there? Certainly you cannot tell a book by its' cover. There is a kind of syncrhoicity in successful dating, but the reality is that you can get hurt no matter the circumstances. You often meet the one in very unusual or synchronistic circumstances. It takes honest introspection, and that ain't easy. It isn't like you are the only variable in the equation. I think a lot of your honesty, but I wish you would try to be more of a positive thinker. At some level it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you start everything in a minus way.
     
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  8. ~jet

    ~jet Director of Space Exploration

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    I don't automatically consider dating to be quite so 'dressed up' as that sounds, me; just getting out with the person you want to be with, whether that's dancing or hiking or sitting on a bench. =P
     
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  9. slant

    slant M O U L T I N G
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    Are you implying that I should date to become a positive thinker?
     
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  10. denkster06

    denkster06 Regular Poster

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    honestly i think dating is for girls so they can make guys spend all thier money on them and protect them.

    without dating... it would probably just be sex
     
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  11. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    I haven't been, because I am socially weak and afraid of rejection.

    Actually, I really haven't found many women that I would like to date in town here, but maybe that is just me rationalizing due to my fears.
     
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  12. NeverAmI

    NeverAmI Satisclassifaction
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    Does this mindset actually get you dates? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if it did, it seems to work for most of the men in Fort Dodge here.
     
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  13. Phoenix Down

    Phoenix Down Permanent Fixture

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    Dating is stupid and silly. AUGH.
    Why can't we just be normal people and do normal things?

    I hate the pretense of a date, and I hate how worked up people get over them.

    woah... I think that's the most I've said hate in a very long time.
     
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  14. Gaze

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    Yep, yep, and yep.
     
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  15. j e s s i e

    j e s s i e Buried Myself Alive
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    haha. I'm the same way, @slant. :tongue:

    I haven't exactly gotten there yet, though dating only seems like a nuisance. to me, it's a process of trying to make yourself like someone or feel a connection with them -- it's experimental. it feels unnatural, whereas if I just focus on building a friendship, I don't have any pressure on me. nine times out of ten, when I like someone, they're my friend first and I've already developed a connection with them far before any romantic feelings arise.

    and yes, I agree that a relationship is no different than a friendship in the end, though the feelings involved are deeper and there may be a physical aspect.

    plus I need my space in any relationship, which so many people nowadays are not willing to give. they need reassurance in the most pointless ways. just because I don't hang out with you 24/7 doesn't mean I don't care for you. :rolleyes:
     
  16. slant

    slant M O U L T I N G
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    Friendships are just as complex and meaningful as romantic relationships, and if some people just don't see appeal in romantic relationships (which by the way, if you aren't having sex in your romantic relationship they are essentially EXACTLY the same as friendships), there isn't anything wrong with that.
     
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  17. Gaze

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    I think dating with the goal of gaining a romantic interest is uncomfortable. Because it puts pressure on both parties to make a connection. I think most people would rather indirectly find someone (without looking). But it's not that simple. The dating pool has changed quite a bit in the last 15-20 years because of technology. It's more difficult to meet people because we tend to live in our own little bubbles. So, dating is often necessary, although not always ideal.
     
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  18. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    I don't date. I hate the idea of the extreme awkwardness and being very self-conscious. It also means you have to make an effort to spend time with the special person. It shouldn't be an effort, it should be relaxed and fun.
    It's a shame that many people have such an idea of dating that it puts pressure on couples. For example, you must be doing something to be on a date - like, going to the cinema or on a long walk. Nice, but not essetential.
    I suppose it's the stereotypes of what dating is that mean it seems almost negative to me.
     
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  19. j e s s i e

    j e s s i e Buried Myself Alive
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    I agree that they're just as meaningful and complex but the feelings themselves differ, at least for me. what I feel for my friends is similar, but still different than what I feel for the people I've loved.

    and no, there certainly isn't anything wrong with that! :smile:
     
  20. Lumi Spitsbergen

    Lumi Spitsbergen Community Member

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    Usually I don't begin relationships by going out on "dates." The few times that has happened it was awkward (usually for the guy, I don't do "awkward") because the guy wanted me to like him?
    I don't know.
    The most successful relationships I've been in were the ones where we went out on actual dates after we began going out. The guy is usually either my friend or friends with my friends and we share some cool conversations (and I know he can deal with my randomness) before we start hanging out together a lot alone. If this leads to things getting physical and the guy wanting to introduce me to his other friends/his mom/his sister or if he starts suddenly glaring at my guy friends, or asks what kind of relationship we are in, then we are going out.

    If he begins too strong in the first week or two, such as asking how many kids I want and when I would like to start having them, talking about how I would love X state he's thinking about moving to for work in the future, demanding to know why I need to go along with travel plans I made before I met him, or stops referring to us as individuals by using the Royal Unit We when referring to either of us in conversation (all of which has happened before), then I will get freaked out and have major second thoughts about the relationship.

    I also cannot stand it when the guy starts talking about how "perfect" I am when we haven't even gone out that long. All that reveals is that he only listened to about 10% of what I was saying and ignored/glossed over the 90% which didn't make me his "dream girl." I feel like it's such bs, I prefer it when a guy just says he's attracted to me and wants to get to know me. At least then I don't feel like he is creating this perfect girlfriend robot in his head that I can never live up to.

    The usual "dating" scene seems to be full of games, pretty lies, and awkward desperation. It's not something I'm really into.
     
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