Hello everyone :grouphug:
I'm new to this forum. I've come here to seek help figuring out my type I have overloaded my brain with information trying to figure it out myself for years.., but must grudgingly admit defeat.
I feel quite self conscious about asking for help, as it means drawing this much attention to myself; makes me feel like a narcissist.
The reasons I have a hard time typing myself include my 'older' age, so that my lower functions have had more time to develop, and more importantly, a history of family abuse and bullying and hence mental illness, throwing the function order out of whack.
Beyond that, I self-identify as HSP, and after a battery of psychological tests by my psychiatrist, have been found 'gifted'. I don't know if/how these factors influence the type results either.
Finally, I've been reading about MBTI/Jung/type theory for give or take 10 years, so tests are near useless as I can just manipulate the results by filling them in knowing exactly what kind of question tests which dichotomy (MBTI) or what kind of question tests for which cognitive function (Jung). I've also read tons of different material in books and websites, and it certainly doesn't help either that everyone seems to have a different interpretation of the theories.
I'll give you some background information:
I first came into contact with the MBTI in high school at age 16, where we took the test as part of a course on figuring out what kind of career you should pursue. I tested INTP. The test results had some merit, it listed my love of learning and knowledge, interest in theory, solution finding. However it also mentioned knowledge for knowledge sake, and I felt like that didn't fit at all: My main drive was always to improve the world, not just understand it.
I quickly discarded the results as it only fit somewhat, feeling like this was one of the many tests that try to tell you things about yourself that you already know. (See: Every other internet test out there on HelloQuizzy. You are a 'C' type! How do we know this? Well, you mostly picked C! Uh duuuhh. Also, being very wary of the Forer effect.)
Then some years later I ran into it again, at age 20, trying to figure out myself cause I was unhappy.* This time I tested INTJ. The test results felt much closer to my actual self this time, and specifically mentioned applying knowledge. This is also when I learned of the concept of mistyping and that it apparently is very common, even using the official MBTI test, so I took it more seriously now. I joined the INTJForum trying to learn more.* Also purchased 'Please Understand Me 2' by Keirsey, which was excellent, and 'Was that really me' by Naomi Quenk, which didn't really do it for me. Lurked around on Typology Central and read PersonalityPage.com.
*History seems to repeat itself.
So I decided I was an INTJ with highly developed Fi.
But here too something was off. Some of the INTJs on the INTJForum just seemed..cold. Some others seemed very interested in, what I can only describe as, an 'online dick measuring contest'. Sorry for the language. Constantly trying to one-up each other in every area.
Another thing I noticed is that I found myself agreeing/resonating with the few INTPs there much more readily than with the INTJs. I could follow their way of thinking/reasoning/seeing the world more easily.
Beyond that INTJs, or NTs in general, are supposed to be calm, reasonable and collected, yes? (Source: Please Understand Me 2.)
Calm? Me? Ha. I'm as calm as a hurricane.
I'm very affected by my environment, and it's emotional atmosphere. And likewise, whatever I feel I radiate back outwards. I love connecting to people to talk about important issues, such as the environment, politics, ethics, human nature, people's dreams and passions and perspectives and life goals, and then I truly come alive. I'm enthusiastic, upbeat, talkative and outgoing when happy or intrigued or in awe of the wonders of the universe.
Yet when people are down, sad, depressed, cynical, aloof, anxious.. I have this 'need' to reach out to them and make them feel better. Even complete strangers on Facebook. The other day I read this post by a lady who's teenage daughter fell in love with a 'bad boy' and ran away to go live with him. She was treated very poorly by him. Her mother was so sad, so desperate to safely have her back in her arms, to hold her again, to protect her from that awful outside influence. And I so badly wish I could do something for them. Support the mother. Make the daughter see reason and return home to her loving family. Argh.
Oops, I digress.
Then, the INTJs seemed to have no problems tearing each other apart in debate, hurt feelings were no part of it. This doesn't fit for me either, makes me feel very uncomfortable.
I could very easily see many points of view, so I'd find myself agreeing with a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Person A, with a given background, says AB, but actually means ABC, and person B, with his own background, says BC, but actually also means ABC, so these two are in agreement but can't actually see that for themselves.
Finally, the INTJs seemed to not care about what others think of them. This is not true for me. I wish I didn't, but I really do care.
The above makes me believe that NF might be a better fit than NT, hence, my coming here. That said, I don't really feel like the INFJ description on PersonalityPage.com fits either, which is why I never considered that option. Mostly the 'experiences of a psychic nature'. Can't say I ever experienced any.
So, that was some background. I feel quite ashamed about having to post this, cause it looks like I'm just rambling. But I've already rewritten and deleted so many posts, it'll just have to do. Ahem.
I'll follow up later with test results and answers to some questionnaires and any questions you guys have that could point me in the right direction.
Fire away! And thanks all
EDIT: Darn, I wrote an entire book again. Wall of Text Crits you for 9000!
Sorry guys, being concise and to the point is not really my forte.
personalityjunkie.com
