I understand what you're saying. I like forming out my thought as sentences in my head first so that I can phrase it in the best possible way when I say it. I feel I contribute more when I talk less...in a weird sort of way. Gosh, I just realized how strange that actually sounds ahahah
For me, a friendship does not always become solid until this happens...
I feel you completely. I usually am really nervous starting conversations, especially in groups cause I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. But I've found that the second someone gets me one on one and says ANYTHING, BAM, I don't shut up. I'm like a bee guarding my nest. Except the nest is my personality. Provoke me, I won't leave you alone, and my nest will be wide open for you. Don't steal my honey though. That's mine.
Yeah this is a bit of a problem for me too. One of the biggest assumptions people have with me is that I can seem snobbish, unapproachable, and extremely reserved/shy. When it comes to the dominating extrovert types in a group, I honestly don't mind if they're the "life of the party". People give them energy just like how our solitude gives us energy. I don't want to take anything away from them, because that's what makes them happy. Not only that, I am (usually) genuinely interested in what they have to say. Good listeners are just as important as good speakers in the world and being interested in what people say is big for me.
I'm alllllll about that sweet and juicy one on one. Every time I have the opportunity to speak to someone I'm interested romantically I just start peppering them with questions. Some which can be extremely personal and they'll be taken aback by how forward and upfront I'm being. I think very few people in the world are willing to do this as their levels of cautiousness to exposing their own vulnerability can differ greatly. For me, sometimes, I can't handle the long pain of "taking things slowly". I want to know about their life now. I usually tell people (in a one on one setting of course) that while small talk is nice, I want to get to know the real them. I'm a huge optimist myself, which is why I'm not too bothered if people aren't willing to share their whole lives with me. I have hope that through a bit gentle coaxing, establishments of trust, and genuineness, I can open up even the most reserved of people.
This this this and fuckingggg this. We honestly don't really care about what the conversation is as long as it isn't something you've told everyone else. It's not that we don't care about that stuff, but it's the fact that our connection with you feels so much more meaningful when you do share something on a deep and personal level. Thank you so much for sharing <3I was reading today an article on 5 things to know about being friends with an INFJ. This hit the nail on the head, and really liked it. Want to get to know an INFJ? Spend time one-on-one. I'll let this fifth point make the case I'm trying to say. A lot of non-INFJs do not realize this, though it's hard to know this when they don't know much about MBTI types.
5. If you want to get to know us, hang out with us one-on-one.
It’s only in private that we show our true colors. Think of us as roly poly bugs. If we are overwhelmed or startled, we curl into a protective, hard ball. We’ll sit and watch conversations but rarely contribute with personal substance. But if we are comfortable, we will be more open. Some of the best conversations I’ve had occur when I’m spending one-on-one time with someone. For example, one of my best guy friends and I had a very personal, hour-long conversation about snow and what it symbolized to each of us. It reminded him of his travels and the friends he met in places that snowed. For me, snow is the promise of Christmas and sweaters and all things comfortable. So, if you truly want to get to know us, get us alone. We might talk your ear off.
