What struggles do you face when trying to get to know someone?

Yeah I know how you feel completely. I have found that just asking questions and then adding a little of your own experiences into the mix, a good combination. Now I dislike small talk, but if your good at it you can lead the small talk into something deeper, by asking a thought provoking question on the subject, of course you have to gauge how they may respond to slightly odd questions. (this comes from my own experience with a random encounter):

person: Oh yeah and my plants get super happy when I give them this fertilizer, they just sparkle and shine the next day.

me: Did you know that plants can feel things like most other creatures in this world? It's just super primitive.

person: Haha, now I will feel bad about killing weeds, what have you done to me?!


I am not sure if this is the best way to form a spark in a conversation with most people, but I tend to dislike the company of someone who dislikes off the wall deep random deep conversations. In a way if they do respond not so well to it, it sort of weeds out the people you may not want to spend your time with.

And having to deal with small talk is such an agonizing thing to do. The worst part about it is, that sometimes you HAVE to do it, I still haven't figured out how to last more than 20 minutes before blanking out and wanting to run haha. Maybe you have better experience in this field than I do, I wish I could extend the period of time for much longer.

 

Hello and welcome to infjs.com!

I pretty much suck at friendships unless they're pushy and extroverted and even then I have bouts where I disappear into my bubble for weeks to months at a time. As for intimate relationships, I was in a very long term one so I know I'm capable and extremely patient, however I think a lot of people do not understand me and misinterpret things I say as if I'm speaking another language. I wish I could offer you more help.

 

I overpower strangers with questions and eye-contact.

 

I'd like to see you try this with me. Hah.

 

Be careful what you wish for; I play to win.

 

You will lose. Also I don't see where I "wished" for anything in my post, so fail.

 

Tell me more about this "lose."

 

I guess it would all depend on how much time you have spent listening. I found from watching my INTP that if you just listen and nod, and maybe say a shallow question here and there, you end up getting the information you need to say something deep to the group or directed at a question from an individual. Group conversations are always a tough thing for me as well, so I prefer to be the silent person who nods and grunts at peoples stuff, no one ever dislikes a person like that, which takes a load off my back. I guess my advice is to just listen and nod until you find the chemistry of the group, and then jump in. Also if it doesn't work remember people don't tend to remember such things later on, which is a relief.

 

Hey, have mercy on me.

 

It was inevitable. Better luck next time.

 

It's ok to be awkward or force/fake emotions that you're not feeling. Worthwhile goals often require us to bulldoze our unproductive emotions.

 

lol "resting bitch face"... I feel you man. I am not sure how to help you out with your anxiety problem, since I myself have a tad of that. I'd like to add onto this with a group scenario that I absolutely hate compared to the group scenario.... 1 on 2 group dynamic. Oh man I can't even begin to figure this sort of thing out, it's like a 1 on 1 but you end up connecting more with 1 and you have to end up trying not to make the other person a 3rd wheel X'D and if you fail, you worry about looking like a dick. It makes me nervous just thinking about it!

Is there any other scenarios you can think of?

 

You will very likely become less sensitive the older you get. It also depends on who is critizising you, and whether or not it is constructive, or mean spirited.

 

You have no idea how badly I want to prove you wrong.

 

Oh I do. You would only be wasting your time though. Surrendering is your only viable option.