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What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
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Deleted member 16771
I'm scared of racists!
Jeez just say yes already.
Do that PhD over here and we'll live happily ever after.
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Deleted member 16771
Basically the same stuff I wrote in my dating rules post. Though there are probably things I could add.
Wondering about why this thread makes me so uncomfortable.
I'm trying to think about instances where I avoided someone or stopped interacting with them because of warning signs.
Mm... There's a person at the open mic who I had a conversation with that was very bizarre. He told me that he was trying to get a girlfriend and that everyone in his neighborhood was in a gang and so when he would approach a woman either she was in a relationship or her gangster brother would threaten him. I can't exactly generalize why this made me uncomfortable but I felt as he was 50 years old and had displayed flirtatious behavior towards me I ought to be wary. I then researched him and saw on Facebook him posting some racist but also nonsensical rambling and I suspect he suffers from some sort of severe mental illness. So for my own safety I felt it better to avoid him.
I was once casually seeing a guy and he wanted to communicate a lot, from sun rise to sun set. I tried to tell him that I needed a break but if I didn't respond he would just keep sending messages.
So I think... Trying to find a pattern... Maybe people who violate my boundaries? I didn't really try to set boundaries with the guy at the open mic. I felt he wasn't mentally stable and I didn't know if he might act erratically.
So I guess, that too: if a person doesn't seem to be capable of acting rationally or has some form of mental instability that may cause them to act violently.
I was friends with a guy who I felt was suffering from schizophrenia, but he didn't have any violent tendencies and was more prone to self harm. There were people who told me I shouldn't associate with him and I was aware there were risks, but he was mostly just trapped in his own prison and didn't really lash out at others. So it is not mental instability itself but the potential for harming others that I look for.
I'm trying to think about instances where I avoided someone or stopped interacting with them because of warning signs.
Mm... There's a person at the open mic who I had a conversation with that was very bizarre. He told me that he was trying to get a girlfriend and that everyone in his neighborhood was in a gang and so when he would approach a woman either she was in a relationship or her gangster brother would threaten him. I can't exactly generalize why this made me uncomfortable but I felt as he was 50 years old and had displayed flirtatious behavior towards me I ought to be wary. I then researched him and saw on Facebook him posting some racist but also nonsensical rambling and I suspect he suffers from some sort of severe mental illness. So for my own safety I felt it better to avoid him.
I was once casually seeing a guy and he wanted to communicate a lot, from sun rise to sun set. I tried to tell him that I needed a break but if I didn't respond he would just keep sending messages.
So I think... Trying to find a pattern... Maybe people who violate my boundaries? I didn't really try to set boundaries with the guy at the open mic. I felt he wasn't mentally stable and I didn't know if he might act erratically.
So I guess, that too: if a person doesn't seem to be capable of acting rationally or has some form of mental instability that may cause them to act violently.
I was friends with a guy who I felt was suffering from schizophrenia, but he didn't have any violent tendencies and was more prone to self harm. There were people who told me I shouldn't associate with him and I was aware there were risks, but he was mostly just trapped in his own prison and didn't really lash out at others. So it is not mental instability itself but the potential for harming others that I look for.
It's hard for me to come up with a list, too. A lot of the time I just feel it. It's visceral. It's my intuition. I could share lots of stories of times that I felt someone was off or to stay away but in the moment, I couldn't explain why. However, I would later find out my intuition was correct.
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Deleted member 16771
Maybe you could smell it?
There is the case of the woman who was able to smell her own husband's alzheimers a decade before the first symptoms (she's undergone trials).
i think i understand this.
I don't look like i'm staying away. It's better to have positive ties with everyone, but I do have my favorites and I do have my boundaries.
Yeah...I feel like I take people on a person by person basis and even things that I might say as a warning sign might not be a warning sign in the right context. So it's hard to so broadly generalize
I don't know what it is. I was thinking I was subconsciously picking up on non verbal communication.
I'm thinking of a time I was at the store with my son and this young male cashier really creeped me out. This is the most intense experience with it.
The cashier creeped me out for no reason!! He acted perfectly normal, didn't look strange and did his job well and was friendly enough. I left the store feeling like I never wanted to go back again and run into him. I remember driving home and thinking it must be some kind of social anxiety. I ran through the whole interaction in my mind the whole way home and nothing stood out. I thought there was something wrong with me.
Some time later, I saw his mugshot in the paper for being busted for child pornography. I picked up on some kind of indefinable red flag.
- Aug 21, 2015
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I have a few friends with Schizophrenia. It can be challenging, but (my particular friends) are not dangerous. It has more to do with making my boundaries clear (please don't visit me at work every day) and respecting their boundaries (don't say anything related to a trigger). Both are in treatment and self-aware. They just want to live normal lives with friends who understand.
My intuition tells me, too, but I can usually pin-point why immediately. The only times I can't always explain my case are when the person is untrustworthy.
We could probably have a whole discussion on intuition lol. I think my intuition is feelings based, or like I mentioned, it's visceral. Things I can't always put into words, especially not right away. I can't really articulate it until after it's been confirmed. Then I can say, "Yep, I felt that!" Maybe this is an INFP/INFJ difference in experiencing intuition? Sometimes I feel half mad because my gut and feelings are strongly communicating things I'm not consciously picking up on. Or things just seem irrational in the moment. I question myself a lot, like I did with that cashier. I felt like there was something wrong with me my gut reaction was so strong. But that's probably because I question myself a lot over it rather than just diving into it. I try to be very rational.
- Aug 21, 2015
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@acd – I think we could. The cashier story is so creepy. You 'just knew'. Plus, you were with your child and had that extra mothering instinct.
I don't question my intuition, which could be the difference. I trust it and go with it.
For example, when my ex introduced me to someone I knew instantly that the person was a murderer (that he either had murdered someone or would). I was not wrong.
Another time I snubbed someone who was new in town. I told people he was shady and avoided him. People called me a snob. A few weeks later he raped an acquaintance and skipped town.
I usually have intuition about 'bad' people, but there have been times when I 'knew' someone was harmless and I was helpful with them when others snubbed them, or I felt an overwhelming balance and peace within someone that was not fake or part of a creepy act. People like that are a gift.
I don't question my intuition, which could be the difference. I trust it and go with it.
For example, when my ex introduced me to someone I knew instantly that the person was a murderer (that he either had murdered someone or would). I was not wrong.
Another time I snubbed someone who was new in town. I told people he was shady and avoided him. People called me a snob. A few weeks later he raped an acquaintance and skipped town.
I usually have intuition about 'bad' people, but there have been times when I 'knew' someone was harmless and I was helpful with them when others snubbed them, or I felt an overwhelming balance and peace within someone that was not fake or part of a creepy act. People like that are a gift.
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@Asa
I do still follow my gut as baffling as it may be sometimes. Everytime I get those big feelings they are right. It's either feeling what is not seen or said. Or just feeling danger that is not seen and knowing to gtfo. Maybe the way animals seem to know when a bad storm is coming.
But I did not go back to that store with my son and not even by myself until I saw him in the paper and knew he was gone. I did not know exactly what was wrong with him. I couldn't pin point it like you are able to do. I just felt something was very wrong. I didn't think he was a pedophile while he rang us up, though.
Can you elaborate on what it was that told you the one man was a murderer? Does anything stand out now? Or was it just like a lightning bolt of knowing?
I do still follow my gut as baffling as it may be sometimes. Everytime I get those big feelings they are right. It's either feeling what is not seen or said. Or just feeling danger that is not seen and knowing to gtfo. Maybe the way animals seem to know when a bad storm is coming.
But I did not go back to that store with my son and not even by myself until I saw him in the paper and knew he was gone. I did not know exactly what was wrong with him. I couldn't pin point it like you are able to do. I just felt something was very wrong. I didn't think he was a pedophile while he rang us up, though.
Can you elaborate on what it was that told you the one man was a murderer? Does anything stand out now? Or was it just like a lightning bolt of knowing?
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- Aug 21, 2015
- 9,401
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You have strong intuition and I think you could learn to pinpoint it by reading what you are feeling. The only problem, at least for me, is that intuition doesn't work on command, so if you aren't feeling the 'why' with the danger you can't force it.
I felt a shock of danger and an overwhelming, eerie feeling that he either had or would take someone's life. I knew the second I looked at him.
It's so strange that something can be so obvious to one person, via intuition, and others don't see it at all.
Though we shared friends, he and I were not on speaking terms (for obvious reasons) when he did it. I did warn my friend/his ex to stay away from him, but it wasn't enough.
I'll PM you the info if you want, but it was a well-known case, so I'd rather not post it.