What is an INFJ's view on an ENTP?

[Matariki]

Hm. I'm standing at the precipice of a relationship with an ENTP girl I've known for a few years. She recently said she's loved me all this time, and I'm considering whether it will really work. I have to say, Antiquary's post seems pretty accurate in most ways, with the exception of one -- that my ENTP is very focused and directed in her college work, and doing very well.

I think she's a wonderful person -- incredible to be around when we're just hanging out -- and we do make fantastic friends, and I've always thought she's one of the most attractive girls I've known, but nonetheless, something just feels off about it. There's a hollowness about our interaction that makes me feel like I'm starving and I can't quite place my finger on what it is. She's blazingly intelligent, and she doesn't dominate a conversation at all like other ENTPs I know (one of my best friends that I grew up with was ENTP, and he can go on and on without ever registering disinterest.) That she doesn't is actually a huge credit to her.

However, if I reach over and hold her hand, there's something missing in the response. It's as if there's an unspoken language in love that she just isn't really aware of and doesn't understand very well. For me, the verbal components of a relationship are the least important in many ways. Sometimes our interaction can feel like I'm listening to the lyrics of a song without the melody.



Wish I could explain it better.

Also, she is terrible at plans. This invariably drives me nuts, but I'm trying to roll with it. Doesn't make me feel very secure though -- whether or not we see each other seems very much at her convenience and in little consideration of my own. Like Antiquary said, I've had instances in the past where, just as friends, we'd make plans to go hiking and I'd leave work early only to have her flake out an hour or two before with a lame excuse.

I know her well enough to know it's not malicious, it's more of an inbuilt obliviousness. Normally I wouldn't put up with this, but she usually notices that it hurt me and then comes back with a sweet apology and a peace offering, which is always pretty cute. There's been a lot of oscillation between feeling like I shouldn't bother and feeling genuine love for her.

I don't know, I kind of feel like if this is going to work, it's going to take an enormous amount of effort from both sides. Like, supernatural, personality bending effort. Someone earlier said climbing Mt. Everest, and that feels about right.

I think my deepest concern is that in the context of a relationship, I'll put her interests first, and she'll put her interests first, and after a few months...



we'll see...

As an ENTP,

She may love you but if she is not willing to put you first as you would for her, then I don't think she is ready to have a relationship with you.

ENTP's are loyal as hell to the partner that they believe is the one. If so, If you are the one in her mind she will stick around until she and you are ready to engage.
Although this also depends on the moral aspects of the individual ENTP.
She might be like me, I tend to shy away from love, so sometimes I come across as cold when someone gives me a hug or a kiss on the check. I like it, but I am shy about it.

In my personal opinion I believe that ENTP's mature slowly, putting career first before love and family. Trust me, there is a reason to this, ENTP's are afraid of ending up in a job situation that they are not happy with or that doesn't offer much flexibility. If they have a family that they have to try and support at the same time this can cause havoc.

ENTP's tend to be in the dominate side, but I would say that was true for most extroverts (that I have seen)

ENTP's love flexibility and mental/psychical activities, so anything like long walks, fishing, going to the gym, martial arts, motorcycle driving, hiking, horse riding etc. is good.
ENTP's love company so if you are active yourself I would encourage that you get involved in doing some of these activities with her. This will most likely help strengthen the bond. ENTP's also love compliments but try not to compliment her on something she knows about. Tricky, but you'll find there is a balance.

If you have ever watched Spongebob (If you haven't then I highly recommend so) you might be familiar with Sandy Cheeks.
She is the perfect example of an ENTP female.

Family wise I think ENTP women would make great mothers as well as lovers. ENTP's in general get along well with kids and enjoy working with them. ENTP's have the heart of a child and love to play and joke around allot, which I can imagine, be overwhelming for their partner for sometimes. A mature ENTP has a good balance between their child and adult self.

 

[BlinkandThink]

Just chiming in to say that, agreeing with HotKebab, I feel incredibly reluctant to commit until my career is where I would like it to be. I feel like, until then, my attention will be split in a way that would be unfair to my partner, so I'd be hesitant to get too deeply involved. My attention would also be split if I felt like the relationship was wrong, and there's no way I could hide that because the way I feel is always pretty obvious.

But if I found someone that I knew was the right fit, I can honestly say they would get priority over everything. But I can't give that priority to someone I'm not sure about.

I know I'm capable of doing it, because I have done it before (it didn't work for other reasons). If I met the right person, I'd be completely devoted in every possible way.


EDIT: If the guy were my boyfriend and my partner, I could actually see myself committing immediately.

 

[Matariki]

Just chiming in to say that, agreeing with HotKebab, I feel incredibly reluctant to commit until my career is where I would like it to be. I feel like, until then, my attention will be split in a way that would be unfair to my partner, so I'd be hesitant to get too deeply involved. My attention would also be split if I felt like the relationship was wrong, and there's no way I could hide that because the way I feel is always pretty obvious.

But if I found someone that I knew was the right fit, I can honestly say they would get priority over everything. But I can't give that priority to someone I'm not sure about.

I know I'm capable of doing it, because I have done it before (it didn't work for other reasons). If I met the right person, I'd be completely devoted in every possible way.


EDIT: If the guy were my boyfriend and my partner, I could actually see myself committing immediately.

Yes, often ENTP's in a family environment will be the ones to go out and get the bacon (or money in my case as I am a vegetarian) while their partner stays at home or works along side with them/works in a similar industry. Personally I would prefer for my future partner to stay home and take care of the kids.
Work to us is highly important, just as important as our families.

 

[myself]

Personally I would prefer for my future partner to stay home and take care of the kids.
Work to us is highly important, just as important as our families.

<3

ENTP ladies

marry me pls

 

[Matariki]

<3

ENTP ladies

marry me pls

I am flattered.

 

[Shai Gar]

I prefer to make a lot of money, enough to support myself and partner, but if my partner has no ambitions of her own... I can't.

 

[testing]

Yes, often ENTP's in a family environment will be the ones to go out and get the bacon (or money in my case as I am a vegetarian) while their partner stays at home or works along side with them/works in a similar industry. Personally I would prefer for my future partner to stay home and take care of the kids.
Work to us is highly important, just as important as our families.

For what it's worth, if you choose to have children, raising them is going to be work for someone (be it you, your partner or a childcare provider, or some kind of combination). And it should be taken seriously, too! It just happens to be one of those careers with no glory or income. It's not quite the same as lack of ambition, but some people go into it thinking it is. Rest assured, if you or your partner think staying home and raising children is the easy way out of having to work, you'll both be very surprised. If you want children, then you should know that raising them is important and demanding work that deserves more respect than it gets.

(I hope that by saying this it may spare you future heartache! I've seen a lot of couples based on the model you described above crash and burn due to wrong thinking about the difficulties and commitment involved.)

 

[ec3khrl]

Getting cornered forever in a hopeless job you cannot get out is a true nightmare.

There were a dozen or so in my department has been working for a decade since graduation without adding anything on their resume and now it is too late for them to do anything.

I get in late and get off for something better already, but they are still doing the same thing and can only hope they won't get replaced someday.

It's unrealistic and I feel sorry for them.

 

[Exits]

Thank you all for the keen insights -- it's greatly clarifying my understanding of the situation.

To be honest, I own and run a business, am involved in several creative projects, graduated college with honors, and am always driven by an internal quest to make the world a better place in my own way. So, I don't think I'll be a stay-at-home dad anytime soon. I'd actually prefer to be in a relationship where both partners have rewarding careers they enjoy. Not interested in a family right now, but I do like the idea of living with someone I love and having them be a regular part of the rhythm of my life.

Nonetheless, I do sense that in her there's a genuine conflict between her career and whatever she feels for me, and perhaps that's the root of it. In fact, I'd posit that she views her emotions toward me as a liability on her freedom. None of that would bother me so much, except, she's the one that approached me after all. I get this vibe of "I love you so much, but I can't, there's no time and I have to focus, but I'm entirely in love with you." and it comes through in actions more than words. Just my intuition when I sum everything up and add it with what you've said.



All very confusing. You ENTPs are confusing. I thought INFJs were supposed to be the confusing ones.

As much as I would like to deny it, I think deep down, love always comes first for me. In fact, I'm here in a coffee shop with this situation on my mind when I'm supposed to be writing a design document. Case in point. Nothing seems really right in my world while relationship concerns are unsolved, so I try to address them first then move on to everything else. When they are solved, it creates an explosion of creative energy and enthusiasm in me. Love fuel is pretty sweet.

I do plan on having a serious talk with her about what she wants out of a relationship next time I see her as you suggest, Shai. Maybe that will break something loose and get me out of this gelatinous suspension of unknowing.

And yes, I know Sandy Cheeks. That seems pretty spot on.

 

[VH]

What is the impression that you get from ENTP's?

They are zany, profoundly open and blunt.

Do you ever sense mental walls around ENTP's or does it depend on the ENTP?

It seems very much to depend on the individual. For the most part, it seems as if there is more of a fog of chaos than a wall.

Are ENTP's capable of making these walls?

I have no idea. I would assume the fog of chaos I mentioned comes from their Ne and Ti constantly processing.

Are ENTP's sensitive or again does this depend on the ENTP?

In my experience, they tend not to be until a button is pushed, at which point they can blow up unexpectedly, then get over it quickly.

What are they like relationship wise? Both sexual and in a friendship realationship.

As friends, they are good friends, though you'll usually have to initiate anything you want to do with them, as they are terribly inconsiderate when it comes to their tangents.

In sexual relationships, they're generally friends with benefits. I don't think they are capable of anything else, even the ones that are married. Sexually, they are playful and very enthusiastic, but not especially passionate.

Does anyone here have ENTP childern or siblings, If so what was it/is like living/ growing up with them?

My best friend growing up is an ENTP. We inspire the hell out of each other. There is a lot of harmony between us.

Are there any key differences between ENTP males and ENTP females?

Not that I can tell other than the standard gender differences. ENTP females seem a LOT more down to earth, and like one of the guys, surprisingly blunt. My high school girlfriend was an ENTP. She tracked down my phone number, called me and asked me out until I said yes, then cheated on me at least a dozen times. We broke up and got back together each time she did. It was very clear I was better for her than she was for me. I still love the girl, and we still stay in touch, but it was such a mess. It was almost as if the only time she was capable of having something real was if I held her hand and escorted her through the process. I sometimes wonder if that is why ENTPs like us so much...

The one thing I can say for sure is ENTP girls are fun and they make great friends.

What do INFJ males think of ENTP females?

I find them fun, though sometimes hard to take. I don't think I could ever consider one for a long term relationship, as they don't really have the emotional depth or focus I need from a partner.

 

[Sam]

I don't think I know any ENTPs irl besides one I'm only acquintances with. She came off as ESxP to me, she had that laugh (and personality) that made me want to plan all kinds of funny plots with her (we were at the same summerjob learning about the job) and thought if I'd spend time with her we'd have fun. That's what I remember thinking.

In the interwebz where I've mainly dealt with them kind of make me intimitated. I get paranoid and over-think and fear all the time that I'm just this completely boring, fucking insane, emotional wreck to them (I mean I am, but I'm really self-conscious and feel very vulnerable although I don't show it). I feel kind of stupid and pressured, but those are my problems, not theirs.

ENTPs are cool and I enjoy them very much but my ybersensitivity and all kinds of flaws would prolly be very ew to them. I don't know. But they're in a way ... something I kinda aspire to be, a little?

 

[Exits]

You know, I think I'll add to this too, since I'm getting some great responses. Should have answered this in the first place.

• What is the impression that you get from ENTP's?

ENTPs really do have an infections enthusiasm about them. ENTPs I've known have a very structured, career-oriented side and then a mystical side that seems to tie into some otherworldly understanding of the universe. Sometimes this seems genuinely insightful, othertimes hokey (one ENTP I know is very into Buddhism, another Cabalism and Alchemy.) Mentally, they're fascinating. Emotionally they seem very flat, but this seems more due to the fact that they don't really understand emotion that well, so they try to stuff emotions away and resort to a more comfortable process of rationale as soon as possible. In personal relations, I feel like I'm always taking care of them in some way or another. It's odd, but both to the girl I'm in the above situation with and the ENTP guy friends I've had, I often feel like I take on the role of a pseudo-parent. ENTPs get themselves into a lot of social drama, and then come to me when they get bit by something they've incited or unwittingly involved themselves in.

• Do you ever sense mental walls around ENTP's or does it depend on the ENTP?

Not mental walls. Mentally they seem incredibly open to new ideas. However, there often seems to be an arbitrary boundary of closeness.

• Are ENTP's capable of making these walls?

Well, yes like anyone I think.

• Are ENTP's sensitive or again does this depend on the ENTP?

No. From what I've seen, ENTPs can be hurt, and internalize it, but they don't really have an outward sensitivity on a personal level. When I see emotional sensitivity from an ENTP at a personal level, it strikes me as impressive somehow, like they've accomplished truly noteworthy. I've observed a great sensitivity at an ideological level though. ENTPs I know are deeply invested in people causes, just not person causes.

• What are they like relationship wise? Both sexual and in a friendship realationship.

Friendship wise, they're energetic and fun to be around, but as I said above, I often find myself in a bit of a parenting role. Not sure why this is. Like Von, my oldest friend is an ENTP, and although he lives in another state now, we keep in close touch and work very well as mutual confidants. Often times he'll talk for an hour about something he lost my attention at 15 minutes on. He's great though.

Relationship wise, well, my experience is as above. Sexual experiences with ENTPs have been serious fun, although I find the initiation takes more bluntness than I usually prefer. No subtlety there. There's a light-hearted enjoyment about it that I find very easy to get into. ENTP expressions are priceless.

In friendship or relationship, I always experience what I can only describe as a lack of consideration for the other person's time and needs. They follow their own momentary desires with little compromise. Being objective, I can't help but say that it looks selfish to an outsider. Every interaction is subject to their whim of the moment, and their whims aren't even consistent enough to predict. Has in the past almost been enough to drive me off. I notice as ENTPs mature they get better with this though.

In tune with what Von said, getting an ENTP in a specific place at a specific time is often too difficult to be worth the effort. If I just let them do their own thing, I find they call me and make their own effort to spend time about once every week or two. This behavior would make me think that the ENTP doesn't value me much, but ENTP guys and girls stick to me like glue. They absolutely refuse to let me out of their lives, even if there are dry spells. I find this end of it flattering. I won't see an ENTP every other day like other friends, but they absolutely won't let us drift apart past a very specific and predictable boundary of about two weeks.

• Are there any key differences between ENTP males and ENTP females?

ENTP females seem far less involved with needing to prove themselves. I find ENTP guys are often preening and ruffling their own feathers in a very transparent way. The ENTP girl I know this trait is strangely absent from.

• What do INFJ males think of ENTP females?

Well, I feel like in ENTP women there's an emotional interface socket that's missing. I adore the one I know, she's cute, enthusiastic, and well-meaning, but I have to reinterpret every emotional communication into something easily digestible by logic. This is engaging to me in some ways, and it can be a fun sort of challenge. Unlike for Von, it's not a deal killer. However, emotional communication doesn't come nearly as naturally as it has in relationships with other introverted N types, like INTJ. If I see that she is trying to communicate in my language, even if it's not natural to her, it gives me some serious fuzzies.

 

[Matariki]

For what it's worth, if you choose to have children, raising them is going to be work for someone (be it you, your partner or a childcare provider, or some kind of combination). And it should be taken seriously, too! It just happens to be one of those careers with no glory or income. It's not quite the same as lack of ambition, but some people go into it thinking it is. Rest assured, if you or your partner think staying home and raising children is the easy way out of having to work, you'll both be very surprised. If you want children, then you should know that raising them is important and demanding work that deserves more respect than it gets.

(I hope that by saying this it may spare you future heartache! I've seen a lot of couples based on the model you described above crash and burn due to wrong thinking about the difficulties and commitment involved.)

I certainly agree with what you said, I grew up in a large family (10 childern). I have seen what my parents have had to struggle with.

ENTP's are wild beings and enjoy being free which is a problem with relationships commitment wise.
However A mature ENTP will know of her and his responsibilities as a parent/partner and will put much effort into taking care of their family, putting them first before their job.
Saying this, It would be better for a partner of an ENTP to stay at home and run things from there.

ENTP's would prefer to get a job that they like doing and could see themselves doing for the rest of their lives before settling down.
For me its film and art, before I would consider having a family of my own I would make sure that I had a stable position as a producer/director. I can already see a problem with this as I would be traveling around the world from time to time working, which would be hard on the family. So a balance would have to be established. One that many ENTP's tackle with.

Looking after and rasing a family is not a walk in the park.
I am shocked by the amount of young people that think it is.

 

[myself]

:kiss:

seriously

<3

ENTP lady

 

[Blind Bandit]

I was thinking about this more. And while I think would fun for a while I know an ENTP girl would tire me out. I just couldn't keep up with that level of activity and extroversion.

 

[BlinkandThink]

I was thinking about this more. And while I think would fun for a while I know an ENTP girl would tire me out. I just couldn't keep up with that level of activity and extroversion.

I'm extroverted in the MBTI sense (Ne-dominant), but in the conventional sense I'm actually an ambivert. "Real" extroverts actually make me anxious.

I can be a little scattered and confusing to follow sometimes, but I definitely talk less than whatever people imagine when they think of extroversion. But really, it kinda depends on what's going on. Sometimes I'm silent and other times I'm rattling off like crazy.

 

[Matariki]

ENTP -

Extremely, noisy, tiring, people.

 

[SpaceCowgirl]

ENTPs just LOVE getting me out of my shell. If i keep ending up with them I won't have any shell left. I like my shell...it keeps me safe.

 

[BlinkandThink]

ENTPs just LOVE getting me out of my shell. If i keep ending up with them I won't have any shell left. I like my shell...it keeps me safe.

Just patch up the holes with ENTP flesh. Good as new.

 

[SpaceCowgirl]

Just patch up the holes with ENTP flesh. Good as new.

ENTP flesh eh? You should watch your back from now on...hehehe
:mjediv: