What does socializing mean, really?

Eniko

Eniko

May snark if provoked
Donor
MBTI
INFJ
So, tonight I'm going to a club. And I started thinking about whether what we consider "socializing" is what the majority of people (sensing extraverts?) consider it to be. It started because I wondered why people who love to socialize so much always seem to choose to do so in places where there's noise so loud that you can't actually hear each other over it.

That seemed counter productive to socializing. But then I realized that it might just be me who considers socializing to consist of actually talking to and interacting with people on some verbal level. Maybe what the majority of people consider socializing to be is really more just being around people, even if they're not actually interacting with any of them much at all.

If that's true that would explain why I dislike "socializing". I never feel more alone than when I'm around other people but not interacting with them at all.
 
i share much of your discomfort in my own life. i feel the same as you when you say that you never feel more alone than when you are around other people but not interacting with them at all.

i understand that and it is an awful experience to be misunderstood for not wanting to interact when in reality we are just too overwhelmed with surface stimulation to truly feel participatory.

i think it all comes down to the fact that we are interested in depth more than breadth and need time to digest and reflect on happenings. interacting with too many people at once, usually engaging in small talk, depletes us of a centre to be grounded upon and scatters us rather than invigorating us with new information.

also, the sensate culture is really not our forte which explains why we may feel as if we do not have as much to add to the conversation. for myself, i have a hard time showing my excitement or even feeling excited even when i put on an act to show it so as to not be misunderstood as rude. though it makes for a smooth interaction, i have to expound a lot of energy as a social chameleon in merging into their topics and expressions.

us introverts do not derive our energy from people and external excitement in the way extraverts do. unfortunately, today's culture has largely taken the extravert way of socializing as the norm for the term itself. in fact, i love socializing one-on-one and in small groups and it doesn't even matter all that much whether it involves close friends or strangers.
 
Hmm. I don't like to sit around and discuss things. I would rather be doing something with a friend. Watching a movie, riding ATVs, etc.

It is very overwhelming to have someone talk to you with no constructive purpose. I like to get things done.

HOWEVER, I can see it from the INFJ perspective. INFJs appear to have this craving from intimate social relationships that consist of a lot of emotional support and verbal notifications.
 
Yea, the INFJ interpretation of what socializing is, is not what the majority of society feels it is.

The thing about going out to socialize is that they (E and S types) enjoy the tactile experience. They enjoy the energy of the group. To them, this is just as fulfilling as is having a deep intimate discussion is to us. We (I and N types) enjoy the shared emotions as well as the energy of an individual.

That isn't to say that any type is incapable of enjoying or appreciating the opposite side of the coin, it is just typical preference. I understand Es and Ss a lot more these days. They enjoy and appreciate the outer world immensely. I tend to be too busy buried in my own thoughts.

I am a pretty balanced INFJ though :wink:
 
Eniko said:
So, tonight I'm going to a club. And I started thinking about whether what we consider "socializing" is what the majority of people (sensing extraverts?) consider it to be. It started because I wondered why people who love to socialize so much always seem to choose to do so in places where there's noise so loud that you can't actually hear each other over it.

That seemed counter productive to socializing. But then I realized that it might just be me who considers socializing to consist of actually talking to and interacting with people on some verbal level.
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Preach it, girlfriend. I think socializing for most people is just like a hamster wheel; lots of effort but it goes nowhere. Adding a whole lot of noise doesn't really impede the sharing of benign minor intricacies of their daily lives.

Clubs are just places to show off, anyway, not to talk. I'll take under a tree versus a club any day.
 
A lot of being at clubs has to do with losing yourself to the music (in my experience). It is more about letting yourself lose your identity for a bit to become something more. It goes take some getting used to, but it is possible to have fun at clubs (even for an INFJ :D)
 
Azure_Knight said:
A lot of being at clubs has to do with losing yourself to the music (in my experience). It is more about letting yourself lose your identity for a bit to become something more. It goes take some getting used to, but it is possible to have fun at clubs (even for an INFJ :D)
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'something more' more like an uncoordinated gyrating monkey.

:mhula:
 
rainrise said:
i think it all comes down to the fact that we are interested in depth more than breadth and need time to digest and reflect on happenings. interacting with too many people at once, usually engaging in small talk, depletes us of a centre to be grounded upon and scatters us rather than invigorating us with new information.
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That explains my entire social life, actually. Quality over quantity.
 
Wyote said:
Yea, the INFJ interpretation of what socializing is, is not what the majority of society feels it is.

The thing about going out to socialize is that they (E and S types) enjoy the tactile experience. They enjoy the energy of the group. To them, this is just as fulfilling as is having a deep intimate discussion is to us. We (I and N types) enjoy the shared emotions as well as the energy of an individual.

That isn't to say that any type is incapable of enjoying or appreciating the opposite side of the coin, it is just typical preference. I understand Es and Ss a lot more these days. They enjoy and appreciate the outer world immensely. I tend to be too busy buried in my own thoughts.

I am a pretty balanced INFJ though :wink:
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I think it dose depend on the group.

introverted groups that tend to get me, give a good group feeling that is like deep interaction on a large scale.

I think it has to do with the lacking the need to make small talk and force conversation.

I'm sure others have experienced this in a group where its ok to have silence. And chit chat is not common. In general a I group of people just being themselves. Its awesome.

This is very rare though. I only have it with a handle full of people.
 
Eniko said:
I never feel more alone than when I'm around other people but not interacting with them at all.
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Hmm. Right about this point, I start feeling frustrated and restless when I'm out... and that's about when I start actin' up and gettin tossed out.

Maybe what you're talking about isn't really socializing, but just being stimulated. Some people unwind with a lot of stimuli and minimal conversation, they want to be distracted from serious thoughts and interactions.

Every now and then, some mindless stimulation is kinda fun but I don't have the stomach for it very often.
 
Socialising?

My INFJ take on it: Finding/spending time with someone who actually understands what you are thinking.

ie. Someone who can actually make connection with my introverted Intuition (Ni).
 
I also feel most alone with I'm in a situation like that, even being around so many people. I see clubs MOSTLY as where people go to be seen, get laid, or just feel as if they are being social. I know that there are people out there that actually go just for fun or to meet new ppl without needing to get laid or told "you're hot!". I've never been one that enjoys the club scene, unless they play good dance music - b/c I love to dance. But, most of the time, even if I do get to dance to good music I'm bothered by dudes pulling me to them and trying to cop a feel. However, I've always considered the clubgoers as socializing and that I'm the anti-social person, because I don't like "developing" useless, meaningless, split-second relationships. Sorry, I've always been a cynic when it comes to the club scene.
 
Eniko said:
So, tonight I'm going to a club. And I started thinking about whether what we consider "socializing" is what the majority of people (sensing extraverts?) consider it to be. It started because I wondered why people who love to socialize so much always seem to choose to do so in places where there's noise so loud that you can't actually hear each other over it.

That seemed counter productive to socializing. But then I realized that it might just be me who considers socializing to consist of actually talking to and interacting with people on some verbal level. Maybe what the majority of people consider socializing to be is really more just being around people, even if they're not actually interacting with any of them much at all.

If that's true that would explain why I dislike "socializing". I never feel more alone than when I'm around other people but not interacting with them at all.
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I share your aversion to clubs, clubs have no soul. Well actually it depends on the club you go to, or maybe it doesn't. Well me perception of a club is a kind of inhuman. Like its the epitomy of shallowness to me.

Honestly every time I feel the word night club I feel like m souls gottent a labotamy.
 
I used to go to the Queensland Irish Association. It was a club with a soul. But, to get in you needed provable Irish Ancestry, and to pay an annual membership fee. Even better was the Tattersalls Club. You needed to pay an annual membership and have several people sponsor you, and then the board say yes. Great places, and noone bothers you. The Queensland Irish Association Library was magnificent too.

Actual clubs DO have a soul.
 
I like to chat with a confidant, but I cannot stand crowds or loud places. They make me physically sick and sometimes wanting to throw up from the sensory overload. It's great the other people can all go do it if they like it, but it has little or no appeal to me. I can't even imagine making small talk for two hours.
 
least Im not the only one!

Hello, Im new to this forum. Yeah I agree with alot of the postings on the club scene. Im a real outgoing guy but I dont drink and sometimes I also tend to find the night club scene not to social. I actually manage to get chatting to many people on nights out and even then alot of them are really drunk so you cant get a true insight of their personality aswell as the club been so loud. Got to ask where would all you INFj personalitys tend to hang out most? It would be be able to find more people with similar ideas.
 
My kind of socialising = Sitting around a bonfire at night on the beach listening to the surf and reminiscing with good friends.
 
Eniko said:
So, tonight I'm going to a club. And I started thinking about whether what we consider "socializing" is what the majority of people (sensing extraverts?) consider it to be. It started because I wondered why people who love to socialize so much always seem to choose to do so in places where there's noise so loud that you can't actually hear each other over it.

That seemed counter productive to socializing. But then I realized that it might just be me who considers socializing to consist of actually talking to and interacting with people on some verbal level. Maybe what the majority of people consider socializing to be is really more just being around people, even if they're not actually interacting with any of them much at all.

If that's true that would explain why I dislike "socializing". I never feel more alone than when I'm around other people but not interacting with them at all.
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Everyone has a different definition to "socializing" I would say.

We use the same word but actually mean quite different things, the fundamental motives behind us to carry out a similar act in appearance.
 
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