What defines leading someone on? Or being a flirt? And do INFJs do that?
- Thread starter jupiterswoon
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Your post reminds me of another confusion long ago. There was another woman that worked in the same building as a security guard. She was very VERY attractive, I was attracted to her but I also recognized I did not know anything about her. I walked by every morning, said hello and went on my way. I suppose had enough time gone by on its own, I might have asked her out. As it was though, she started talking to me one day, I talked a little to her and then moved on. The next day as I was leaving, she began telling me sexual jokes. I thought this was a good indication there was some interest there so on my way home the next day I turned around and asked her out not caring there were a bunch of people in the room. She told me "ok but she that she had a boyfriend" to which I asked, "Do you love him." She responded "yes." This confused me to no end. I thought she did not know what she wanted, couldn't since things had gone down the way they did. Remember I was like 25 at the time.
So I took her to lunch one day, she made sure to pay for it. I am sure so that I did not feel like I had done anything out of the ordinary. On the way back to work she asked, "so where else are we going?" Im totaly confused at this point and said "back to work." Thats where we ended up.
I decided I had no clue what was going on here and that I would be in the wrong for going forward. I decided I would likely continue to try and get her to leave her boyfriend and that good people dont do that sort of thing. Do unto others etc...
A couple of days in she noticed I had stopped talking to her and when she attempted to talk to me I kept interaction short. About a week in she came to my desk, when there was three other people there and started reading me a poem she wrote for me.
A few days later she came up to my desk out of everyone's in the room and told me that one of the maintenance men in the building at the time had just told her she looked like Catherine Zeta Jones (I personally though she looked better than that). As if she was trying to make me upset someone else had noticed her.
I was frapping confused. But I kept my distance. I just did not know what to do with that. I turns out that once I decided I was attracted to her, I realized I was very attracted. Any way a long time ago.
Any thoughts about this one? Remember I am still trying to figure out why I am seemingly not capable of love. Given whats stated here, did I read this completely wrong?
So I took her to lunch one day, she made sure to pay for it. I am sure so that I did not feel like I had done anything out of the ordinary. On the way back to work she asked, "so where else are we going?" Im totaly confused at this point and said "back to work." Thats where we ended up.
I decided I had no clue what was going on here and that I would be in the wrong for going forward. I decided I would likely continue to try and get her to leave her boyfriend and that good people dont do that sort of thing. Do unto others etc...
A couple of days in she noticed I had stopped talking to her and when she attempted to talk to me I kept interaction short. About a week in she came to my desk, when there was three other people there and started reading me a poem she wrote for me.
A few days later she came up to my desk out of everyone's in the room and told me that one of the maintenance men in the building at the time had just told her she looked like Catherine Zeta Jones (I personally though she looked better than that). As if she was trying to make me upset someone else had noticed her.
I was frapping confused. But I kept my distance. I just did not know what to do with that. I turns out that once I decided I was attracted to her, I realized I was very attracted. Any way a long time ago.
Any thoughts about this one? Remember I am still trying to figure out why I am seemingly not capable of love. Given whats stated here, did I read this completely wrong?
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No. I don't, anyway. I gravitate toward befriending interesting and decent people. It doesn't matter what sex they are, what their sexual preference is, or how attractive they may be. Good people is good people, I'd befriend any one of them.
In fact the opposite may be true! =) If I'm crazy about someone I'm not going to go anywhere with, might be better to keep some distance. Not worth the aggravation.
[MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] If there is a guy you are interested in ask him if he wants to get coffee with you sometime. Very simple. Even if he says no, (and there are many reasons he might that you cant guess at) he will think about it a time goes on and may ask you out in the future.
When you are dealing with these guys you apparently like, do you give off any signals you are interested in them?
When you are dealing with these guys you apparently like, do you give off any signals you are interested in them?
At a glance, it looks like you could have been her affair, perhaps ultimately romantic upgrade. My guess is, had you answered: "back to my place to get cozy with you", it probably would have gone down that way.
That's what it seems like! Seems like she was leaving plenty of room to make situation pass off as innocent but those quotes from her leave a different impression.
I've done worse! I was in school for a few quarters and there was this one girl who would always hang out where I took my breaks. She'd watch us all play hacky-sack. There were 3~4 of us who were just pros, we often attracted as much attention as the break dancers. Anyway, I adored this girl. Everything about her. Never told her about it. She transferred to a different school so one day she makes her rounds, saying good bye to the group we had out there. A quick good bye here. A brief hug there. I was the last in line for that. I wound up with one of the deepest and warmest full body embraces I ever had. It might have been the first time I touched her, let alone hugged her. She finishes it off with a big, wet sloppy kiss on my neck then walked away with out a word. I never saw her again.
Oh! My post was more to comment on the fact that women should be cautious of the intentions of men who are their friends. I don't think men befriend women purely on attractiveness- there are many levels of friendship that are based on much more than looks!
I have lots of guy friends and I don't think they're interested in me anymore than I'm interested in them. We enjoy each other's company and have mutual interests!
I have lots of guy friends and I don't think they're interested in me anymore than I'm interested in them. We enjoy each other's company and have mutual interests!
Oh - to be honest, I haven't met a guy that I've been interested enough in to pursue! It's likely when I do, I'll put feelers out...I do enjoy being friends before relationships though- which is why when I meet a guy that I think is interesting, I bring him into my circle of friends to hangout! ...more often than not, I end up just being friends with them, rather than pursuing something more.
I think leading someone on is exactly what is sounds like - you're giving people the message that you're looking for more than friendship even though you aren't truly looking for anything. It's nice to feel wanted and sometimes flirting (and having it reciprocated) gives you a self-confidence boost. I don't think types have anything to do with it. It has to do more with the individual (being an "INFJ" only goes so far in defining you). I'm a flirt and I know that I lead people on, mostly because I think it's fun. I'll play the game as long as I get a signal that the feelings are mutual - we're both just flirting with each other, we might think the other person is attractive, and neither of us are actually looking for anything. I get uncomfortable and will cease the whole ordeal if I start to feel like the person is misinterpreting or is seeking to take it further, plus I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm young and afraid of commitment so this is the extent of my relationships. When I want something more, I'll make it happen. If you're leading someone on, you are not looking to make something happen.
No not all men are that way. But some are. I'm sure it's pretty even, like with anything.
I agree! But at the same time, being nice to someone, or being their friend- isn't leading them on! I think they're completely different! But it is unfortunate that sometimes being nice/a friend is mistaken for something more.
Ok so you are saying you are sad no one in your mind seems to be expressing interest in you but that of these people anyway, you are not interested in any of them anyway?
