What defines leading someone on? Or being a flirt? And do INFJs do that?

[Eventhorizon]

I am going to agree 100% that men and women cannot be plutonic friends within a certain degree (There are always exceptions to the rule). That degree is mainly attraction. If I am really attracted to a girl, I cannot be her “friend”. It doesn’t mean I am going to be a jerk but I am not going to sit around and listen to her talk about the guys she likes. It’s awkward because the whole time I am thinking, “I could treat you better” which means I am not being a true friend so I am not going to do it.

I am a guy and therefore I don’t want to be treated like one of your girlfriends. If I am really attracted to a girl, I don’t want to hear her talk about other guys. Just as I am sure that girls who really like a guy don’t want to hear him talk about the girls he is interested in. You can talk about sports, video games, family, work, school, etc… pretty much anything but relationships and crushes. Call me egotistical but I don’t like being treated like I am a girlfriend.

However if there is no attraction then I agree it is possible. I am one of two guys in my office. The rest are all female and I have no interest in them and so we are friends. The reason behind this is:

One, they are all at least a few years older than me,
Two, I don’t dip my pen in company ink, it causes too much drama and too many problems,
Three, they are beautiful women but none of them appeal to me in that way, and
Four, it shouldn’t need to be said but it happens too often, they are all married and I don’t pursue other guys love interests. I think it’s the lowest of the low and it’s a line I won’t cross.

And to answer the other question, yes I have been called a flirt but I am not an INFJ. Flirting is fun, sorry. It’s not always about sex, sometimes it’s just fun have that type of banter with a girl.

"I dont dip my pen in company ink..." I have never heard that one before.

 

[Artisan]

I was actually wondering about this a few weeks ago. I met a guy at church and he seems to show interest, asking me whether I had graduated (as in high school) and what year I was in school, which I consider his way of fishing for my age (it seemed very obvious, because it was two different encounters). Anyway, my answers to both were "yes" and "Junior" which is NOT lying. However I am younger than the average junior in college...One of my friends though said I was leading him on by not telling him my age because I believe he is in his mid twenties maybe (don't know for sure) which means he is probably too old for me. I thought that was an odd thing to say though. He hasn't asked for my number or anything and hasn't asked for a date. He has really been nothing but friendly, and I back to him. I'm not a flirter, so I have no idea if she is right and I was leading him on. I haven't seen him for a few weeks due to personal reasons, so when I go back I may have to deal with this. I think he's very kind, but the age difference is too much for me to handle right now. I also don't know how to nicely say "I'm too young for you" when he has not made clear intentions.

dang, those are the sort of questions are the ones I would ask if I'm slightly uncomfortable being on my own in a church. regardless of the gender of who I talk to x)
poor guy, probably was feeling uncomfortable on his own in an unknown church and ended up being labeled as a shark in a fish tank.

 

[aureliusandoinky]

dang, those are the sort of questions are the ones I would ask if I'm slightly uncomfortable being on my own in a church. regardless of the gender of who I talk to x)
poor guy, probably was feeling uncomfortable on his own in an unknown church and ended up being labeled as a shark in a fish tank.

Yeah, I'm in agreement with you. I wasn't clear on the fact that I was complaining about my friend assuming that I was leading some guy on by simply being nice. Sorry about the confusing post!

 

[Artisan]

Yeah, I'm in agreement with you. I wasn't clear on the fact that I was complaining about my friend assuming that I was leading some guy on by simply being nice. Sorry about the confusing post!

ah thats ok, the fact you thought he was fishing for your age mostly indicated that. its still possible she was right tho.
And probably you were right too. He probably assumed your age and asked those questions to make a better conversation. after all it would be awkward if he was asking you about say middle school when you are in college right ?

 

[aureliusandoinky]

ah thats ok, the fact you thought he was fishing for your age mostly indicated that. its still possible she was right tho.
And probably you were right too. He probably assumed your age and asked those questions to make a better conversation. after all it would be awkward if he was asking you about say middle school when you are in college right ?

Well, I do consider that fishing for someone's age! But it could always be for another reason. And yes, right! But college and middle school girls generally look a little bit different...haha.

 

[Artisan]

Well, I do consider that fishing for someone's age! But it could always be for another reason. And yes, right! But college and middle school girls generally look a little bit different...haha.